Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Deja Vu Ain't What It Used To Be (part 1)

Friday, November 4, 2005

A routine delivery on a central planet turns out to be not so routine. Intended as an episode-style, four-part story set during Firefly.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 4494    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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As day turned to night, the silver spires that raked the city’s horizon came to life in a carnival of flashing light. Beyond them, the sunset splashed the skyline pink and gold, melting up into a deep purple sea of stars.

Kaylee knew that those spires were probably home to every treachery known to man, but right now she didn’t much care. She’d sit here just outside of Serenity, feeling the grass between her toes and hoping the captain took his sweet time getting back.

"Beautiful, isn’t it?" Simon had appeared beside her, hands in his pockets, scanning the sky.

"You could say that," Kaylee smiled warmly. "Didn’t figure you for the sunset type. I mean when you’re arms deep in doctorin’ all the time. Too busy to see much else, I s’pose."

"Well, this is its own kind of therapy," he said. They enjoyed a few moments of contented silence. "As... as a student back on Osiris, I used to look forward to this time every day. See, the planet had this atmospheric quirk that created a sort of prism," he gestured toward the horizon, lost in a distant past. "Those were some truly spectacular..."

Kaylee’s eyes fell to the grass.

His mind swam back to the present, and Simon scratched his forehead with an embarrassed grin. "I’m sorry, I’m – that was so long ago. That’s all in the past now that I’m on the run through every God-forsaken place in the verse," he laughed.

Kaylee stood, walked away, then resolutely marched back toward Simon. "Why d’ya always do that?"

"Excuse me?"

"Ya got a perfectly good moment there, great sunset – okay maybe not an Osiris sunset," she gestured sarcastically to the horizon, "and a girl willin’ to watch it with ya. And you gotta just trample all over everything-"

Jayne moved beside them, loudly clearing his throat then spitting the product into the grass in front of them. "Jever get a real nasty taste stuck way back deep, and it just won’t..." He spat again. "Gotta be somethin’ with this God-forsaken planet."

He looked to Kaylee, then Simon, then the

Comments
JUSTDUCKY
Friday, 04 November 2005 19:41
This is a very good start, I hope you post more.
Friday, 04 November 2005 20:14
Oh, I like, very much. But it was rather confusing. I got that Mal left, came back all drugged and kissed Inara... but was he given the Goodnight Kiss? Or did he have the drug on his lips and Inara passed out? And did she really slap him? And why is everyone so pissed?
CUB
Friday, 04 November 2005 20:28
"I got that Mal left, came back all drugged and kissed Inara... but was he given the Goodnight Kiss? Or did he have the drug on his lips and Inara passed out? And did she really slap him? And why is everyone so pissed?"

He didn't really kiss Inara. That was just a drug-induced dream. She did really slap him, though. Everyone's upset because he was obviously seduced by someone and didn't get the money.

Probably not a good sign if I need to do a Q&A. :(
FLOATINGCHANDELIER
Friday, 04 November 2005 21:14
Intriguing. Very intriguing. That is to say, you've definitely got me hooked. Liked the first bit with Simon and Kaylee, but especially "Atmospheric refraction from the death of the solar day, varied by axis tilt and the stationary observer’s celestial meridian." Her face turned toward the others. "Shiny."
The crew's thoughts on what a sunset really is. Nice chapter- can't wait for a second one.
ANONYMOUS
Friday, 04 November 2005 21:18
Very good start!!

I got that the Inara kiss wasn't real, if it's any consolation, even if it was a really, really, really pretty dream, hehe. Great switch from dream to slap, too!

Now I'm looking forward to the real story, and I'm dying to know whether I will want to slap Mal at the end of it, too, hehe.


Your Inara is so great, I hope to see lots more of her, too!
ANONYMOUS
Friday, 04 November 2005 21:22
Real good beginning. I loved how you had Mal coming back to what's left of his senses and trying to put pieces of the puzzle back together with definitely a not very understanding crew not backing him up at all :)
I loved the last sentence, it sure did pinpoint very well what Mal is now feeling.
Thanks for this very untertaining beginning
Friday, 04 November 2005 22:59
that last line was so damn cool...

"I see my dignity lying ‘round here, I aim to collect that too."

i'm not exactly sure how, but it is

b
Saturday, 05 November 2005 00:08
*Was so hoping he was finally over angsting about Inara*

I'm not sure what to suggest to make the hallucination clearer, but if you did that this would be an awesome beginning. Nothing like a lack of memory to spur plot movement. Maybe they robbed him too...

And the Simon/Kaylee opening, plus Jayne vulgarity, is dead on target.
Saturday, 05 November 2005 07:14
OK, you fixed it well. Go get 'em, Mal!
Tuesday, 08 November 2005 03:32
You are definitely improving. The characters are right on. The Simon whining felt right, too, but then again, that should come easy to you by now. ;)

A good start.
Thursday, 10 November 2005 22:04
Hey man. This is really good. As long as our systems are down at work I'm going to read more. I like how you did the dream sequence and then went on to explain they found Mal outside the ship.... which helps solidify that he didn't kiss Inara.

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