Blue Sun Room FICTION - ADVENTURE

MIA chap1

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Howdy all! This is a quickly thrown together story arc that I’ve had in mind for the past couple days. Where it’s headed, I’m not sure. I’ll let the story tell itself. Anyoo, sorry for the grammar and spelling errors and anything else. I just wanted to get it posted before I went back to work……. Now, on with “Missing In Action part 1” BPZ

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2574    RATING: 8.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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MIA part1

Serenity Valley- Battle for Batean Gorge

Fighters:

Lt. Fredrick Gardner

1st Sgt. Rockford Bailey

Sgt. Alexis Green

Corp. Bret Hotchkiss

Corp. Nora Brookland

Corp. Elaine Brown

Pvt. Byro Jones

Pvt. Mathew Covington

Pvt. Henry Howard

Association: Special Forces- Brownghost fighting squad.

_____________________________________________________________________

“ It’s your patrol Rick! Conduct it as you see fit!” Captain Waters gave the order to the tall, stout framed Lieutenant under his command, “ you’re team is to demolish the munitions bunkers down in Batean Gorge! How you accomplish it is up to you. The Alliance is murdering us by way of utilizing this position and it must be eliminated. Gather what you need, and get the job done! I have other things pressing my time!”

The Captain’s orders were clear, but barely audible over the loud blasts raining down on the HQ up on Cemetery Ridge. It was becoming a bit much for Captain Waters to deal with at the moment. He had given his command, now it was up to Lieutenant Gardner to follow through.

Lieutenant Fredrick Gardener, or “Rick” as his superiors called him, was set for a mission that might eliminate this excessive shelling the Alliance forces were constantly being able to cascade down on the Independent forces. That….in itself was taking a considerable toll on the numbers of freedom fighters, both in casualties and “mortar-shock”. His duty was to subdue that purplebelly controlled area , therefore eliminating their ability to control the northeast sector of Serenity Valley.

These duties were never a cakewalk. They always cost something. Maybe the mangled bodies of some of his troop, or their lifeless shell. Gardener didn’t like it, but it was his duty. The Lieutenant gathered his command…….which consisted of nine soldiers, down from the original twelve.1st Sgt. Bailey, & Sgt. Green. Then there were Corporals, Hotchkiss, Brookland & Brown, and finally privates Howard, Jones & Covington. Still an impressive unit even with the

Comments
Thursday, 20 October 2011 16:58
Good to see you back, BPZ. This feels...well, "introductory"--you spent a lot of time introducing the mission and the personnel. Not that I especially mind--they seem like an interesting group of folks. But I'm glad you brought our BDH's (or at least Mal and Zoe) into the picture before the end. Hopefully we'll see more of their involvement as you develop your story.

Not that I'm any kind of expert, or even qualified to offer such advice--but maybe if you'd started with a bit of action, and introduced the personnel with tags and epithets (same ones you used, in fact) as they made their first appearance in the story, either through dialog or description of an action, it would get off to a rockin' start.

In any case, I think you've got a cool idea here, so please don't stop writing, and give us more story before too long.
Friday, 21 October 2011 03:02
Ebfiddler, howdy
Yepper, now that you mention it that would have been a better way to have introduced the characters involved in this story. The action is coming, some in the very next chapter of this series. Hope to get better the next go-round.
Thanks for the advice…see ya!
I’m at work right now so I have to be quick about posting….we hold! BPZ

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