Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL
The Losing Side, Chapter 68 - Farewell to Bars
Friday, January 16, 2009
Mal is finally released by the Alliance, and says his goodbyes to friend and foe before being assigned a job in stapler quality control. In the meantime, Wash rebels against the perfection of his new job by buying dinosaurs and loud shirts. This is NOT the end of the story! :)
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3782 RATING: 9.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
Wash, for once alone on the bridge, finally allowed himself to indulge the sense of melancholy that was following him around. In all those years behind fences and bars, freedom had always been the holy grail. The mythical time in the future when everything would be perfect.
He sighed. To any sort of normal human standard, it was perfect. He was flying. He was earning a fortune. He had the respect of his colleagues. He lived on a luxury vessel and didn’t even have to fix food or clean his own cabin. He was free to do as he wished, and orders were never enforced with big sticks.
Wash looked down at his pilot’s uniform. Crisp, navy blue, and damned handsome in his own estimation and in that of any female who happened to spot him in it. Life was perfect.
He pressed his head back in the smooth leather seat and closed his eyes. It wasn’t a dereliction of duty; the ship could and would fly itself. Forget needing a good pilot, the Lyaeus didn’t need any pilot. She had six. Six of the best pilots in the universe, to take turns watching an electronic navigator.
If life was perfect, why was he remembering shivering in near-hypothermia in a darkened housing unit all night, while his companions shared the heartbreak of seeing friends murdered and families destroyed, as though it were something he missed? What sort of a twisted person did it make him if he did miss it? What if he never again got to experience the sort of caring that drove six men to support each other through a night like that?
What did he have on Lyaeus? Drinking buddies, he supposed. And the perfection. The never-rutting-ending perfection. The glossy, professional shininess all packaged up in a crisp blue uniform with an endless supply of exfoliating bath products.
The captain walked onto the bridge and scanned him with an appraising eye that made Wash rankle inside. “Ni hao ma, Washburne?”
“Fine, Benny,” drawled Wash.
The captain tried unsuccessfully to soften his expression of pure irritation
Comments
Friday, 16 January 2009 09:21
I almost fainted with giddy delight when I saw you had FINALLY posted up another chapter! And hooray! Bells, whistles, whoops of joy, party balloons and fireworks - Mal is at last out of that asylum of a prison complex! You can't see it but I am doing a Happy Dance and oh, the joy, the glee, of Wash purposefully buying those outlandish Hawaiin shirts and the dinosaurs and such to annoy his irritating Captain on that oh so perfectly boring ship. This was wonderful, some lovely touches with Mal saying his goodbyes and can't wait for when he finally finds Serenity. This has been a marvellous, if sometimes tortuous ride, not only for Mal and Wash but also for your loyal readers. Brilliance in a nutshell (ouch). Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
You can't take the sky from me
Friday, 16 January 2009 12:54
Good to see another chapter from you. Mal is free, Wash has his Hawaiian shirts but I feel that there's much more to come, especially with Mal Logistical Assistant to the Vice President for Quality Control of the Sing Pie Stapler Corporation. LOL at last!
Friday, 16 January 2009 13:03
Thank you so much for this! At last ... Mal is free from prison, and Wash has started buying dinosaurs and garish shirts. I'm still intensely curious how you're going to handle Wash and Mal meeting again once the latter has bought Serenity, although I have a sneaky suspicion you might just end this story at the point where Mal decides he needs a pilot ...
Saturday, 17 January 2009 02:14
Joy, joy, joy! A new chapter ;-)
The flow, the flavor, the nuances... still a pure pleasure. That you manage to keep such consistency over long gaps in writing is quite remarkable in itself.
Wash and his scenes were grand; really liked them. Mal's, as well, were--as ever--so very well done with the dark and light crisscrossing and twining. I did want him to give a thought to Zoe and was surprised he didn't. Well, a lot on his mind just then.
So very good and looking forward to the continuation and conclusion of this grand tale.
The flow, the flavor, the nuances... still a pure pleasure. That you manage to keep such consistency over long gaps in writing is quite remarkable in itself.
Wash and his scenes were grand; really liked them. Mal's, as well, were--as ever--so very well done with the dark and light crisscrossing and twining. I did want him to give a thought to Zoe and was surprised he didn't. Well, a lot on his mind just then.
So very good and looking forward to the continuation and conclusion of this grand tale.
Saturday, 17 January 2009 02:23
you have no idea how happy it makes me that you've finally added another chapter - and a fine one.
i shall read this again right away while i calm down my joy-flash!!:):)
i shall read this again right away while i calm down my joy-flash!!:):)
Saturday, 17 January 2009 02:40
I was just thinking that it was about time for more of this story. Great job as usual, and so glad a little bit of happy has crept into the 'verse. Someday when you have nothing left to do, you should write a reunion story with Mal and some of the characters from the camp post BDM. Times change and people grow, usually for the better.
Saturday, 17 January 2009 18:33
What an emotional ride this has been!
Now that I've read the whole thing up to current, I'm ready to give a more comprehensive review. I’ve had some issues posting it… Yikes, this is almost 3 pages! But I want to post it all, so I guess I’m going to have to split it up.
So, length. A lot of people seem intimidated by how many chapters there are up here. I don't think you have to worry about that, it went by fairly quickly and kept me engaged. Most chapters advance the plot to some goal you had in mind (which seems to have been this), and even though it did advance incrementally, I think the pacing was good. Every chapter kind of has a lot to put into it character and emotional-impact wise before you can even think about the plot, in order to properly portray the rarely interrupted gloom of a POW camp. The long steady build up, to me, just feels right for the passage of time as seen by the prisoners. You mentioned years, I seem to recall that Mal finally purchased Serenity about two and a half years after the year ended, so that's probably about right. The few chapters that don't advance the plot at all are genuinely hilarious or heartbreaking or important backstory; they advance the characters. In fact, I think the chapter where Mal finally grieves about the loss of his family and Shadow is one of your best, and the overarching plot doesn't even peek in to that one; the plot might even have gotten in the way if you'd tried to sneak it in.
You explore some potent and complicated themes in this. There's the dichotomy between decent people wielding power and the people who abuse it (often gleefully), and how sometimes even the decent people have to step over that line. The decent people are put into a bad situation here, because running a prison for people who technically haven't broken any laws, who are just political dissenters and soldiers in a civil war, that is very morally ambiguous and gray. Then you have the prisoners in the middle of that mess, trying to cope and remain some approximation of their old selves (or at the very least, human), prisoners who some of the crueler guards feel like deserve whatever happens to them. You have to cover freedom and a lack of it, what that does to people, how they've had what seemed such a fundamental right to live and choose for themselves taken from them, and how desperate they are to get it back, how miserable life can be without that. Dark themes, but worth exploring, and offset by themes of friendship, healing, support and comfort, people on occasion doing the right thing instead of what's expected of them or what benefits them. Finding something good about life, no matter how horrible the rest of it may be. How people change in bad situations, often for the worse, but sometimes the struggle helps them find something positive about themselves that they thought they lost. And when it comes right down to it, I think that sort of commentary on human endurance and our positive potential, in the midst of what is negative, is what makes a story worth reading, gives it meaning.
There's a LOT of Mal beating here, but it's also appropriate considering the setting and who Mal is, plus he can take it, so while it's dark it's understandable. You never put in a beating where there isn't a good reason for it first. Even the one time with Lambert, who has NO good reason to beat up Mal, there's an important reason for that in the STORY. It shows Khiloh having to choose to be a guard and not a friend, it showed the underlying problems in the prison that Khiloh was having to deal with that were taking such a toll on him, and it showed the way the worst guards could be, not just provoked and angry over their own losses in the war, but that some of them are just plain sadistic.
Now that I've read the whole thing up to current, I'm ready to give a more comprehensive review. I’ve had some issues posting it… Yikes, this is almost 3 pages! But I want to post it all, so I guess I’m going to have to split it up.
So, length. A lot of people seem intimidated by how many chapters there are up here. I don't think you have to worry about that, it went by fairly quickly and kept me engaged. Most chapters advance the plot to some goal you had in mind (which seems to have been this), and even though it did advance incrementally, I think the pacing was good. Every chapter kind of has a lot to put into it character and emotional-impact wise before you can even think about the plot, in order to properly portray the rarely interrupted gloom of a POW camp. The long steady build up, to me, just feels right for the passage of time as seen by the prisoners. You mentioned years, I seem to recall that Mal finally purchased Serenity about two and a half years after the year ended, so that's probably about right. The few chapters that don't advance the plot at all are genuinely hilarious or heartbreaking or important backstory; they advance the characters. In fact, I think the chapter where Mal finally grieves about the loss of his family and Shadow is one of your best, and the overarching plot doesn't even peek in to that one; the plot might even have gotten in the way if you'd tried to sneak it in.
You explore some potent and complicated themes in this. There's the dichotomy between decent people wielding power and the people who abuse it (often gleefully), and how sometimes even the decent people have to step over that line. The decent people are put into a bad situation here, because running a prison for people who technically haven't broken any laws, who are just political dissenters and soldiers in a civil war, that is very morally ambiguous and gray. Then you have the prisoners in the middle of that mess, trying to cope and remain some approximation of their old selves (or at the very least, human), prisoners who some of the crueler guards feel like deserve whatever happens to them. You have to cover freedom and a lack of it, what that does to people, how they've had what seemed such a fundamental right to live and choose for themselves taken from them, and how desperate they are to get it back, how miserable life can be without that. Dark themes, but worth exploring, and offset by themes of friendship, healing, support and comfort, people on occasion doing the right thing instead of what's expected of them or what benefits them. Finding something good about life, no matter how horrible the rest of it may be. How people change in bad situations, often for the worse, but sometimes the struggle helps them find something positive about themselves that they thought they lost. And when it comes right down to it, I think that sort of commentary on human endurance and our positive potential, in the midst of what is negative, is what makes a story worth reading, gives it meaning.
There's a LOT of Mal beating here, but it's also appropriate considering the setting and who Mal is, plus he can take it, so while it's dark it's understandable. You never put in a beating where there isn't a good reason for it first. Even the one time with Lambert, who has NO good reason to beat up Mal, there's an important reason for that in the STORY. It shows Khiloh having to choose to be a guard and not a friend, it showed the underlying problems in the prison that Khiloh was having to deal with that were taking such a toll on him, and it showed the way the worst guards could be, not just provoked and angry over their own losses in the war, but that some of them are just plain sadistic.
Saturday, 17 January 2009 18:34
The plot itself always kept me wondering what bad thing was going to happen next, kept me worried about the well-being of the characters. And you also rewarded that anxious anticipation at times with good moments, like the last few chapters, with the cliffhanger "what next?" then the completely unexpected amnesty and release. And you foreshadowed some things well, like I had been wondering why someone as wise as Lee didn't have a plan to protect Mal when he came back from his war trial. At first, it almost seemed like a plot hole (but one I was willing to forgive, since I wanted to find out what would happen next), and then you dropped the bombshell on us. Very, very good with that one, you tied it back to being 'oh, yep, that's the canonical Firefly 'verse Alliance mindset we all know and loathe.' Up until that point, believable as the story was, you could have replaced the Alliance and the Independents with any other warring factions in history, literature, or media, and it wouldn't have seemed to make a difference. But right there, you made it VERY clear, and I appreciated that. And I was also wondering how it could be canon with Mal being a convicted war criminal, and you resolved that. So all in all, I'd say you've followed canon very well, and made a very convincing account of Mal's time in the prison camps. I can't see yet how Mal could get out of that scandal without being famous verse wide (because clearly he's not in the series and movie), but I guess you'll probably address that.
The one deviation from canon I do see is Mal and Wash's relationship. I've read your comments about that, and I understand them; the flashback scene in Out of Gas does allow that they could kind of know each other MAYBE. In the same episode Mal doesn't seem too bothered about bullying Wash around and trying to intimidate him into working on Serenity 's problems. Here, in the prison camp, it definitely does bother him when he disturbs, bullies, or frightens Wash, although maybe it's not shown outwardly, and maybe he was uncomfortable having to act that way in Out of Gas too. Mal is often shown as someone who has to make hard decisions that people will be angry at him/repulsed by him for, and a scene in the movie shows him being a little more affected by that then he normally lets on. But Wash's jealousy and lack of understanding towards Mal in War Stories just doesn't quite fit to me with their closeness and Wash's admiration as depicted here in the prison. Maybe that'll make sense later, and I'll keep reading for that, but right now this part of that is an enjoyable AU, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Characterization. I think you've nailed Mal, even as he progresses from someone who is very scared and typically not how we'd think of him, it's still him. He's still bold and defiant, cracking wise with his interrogators and anyone who gives him a hard time or hurts him with his dark humour, his most notable defensive tool against feeling helpless. He still has his sound judgment, ability to inspire and command, to read what people need, and an understated education and intelligence.
And you also captured both Wash's silly pilot-ness and something more vulnerable underneath him that we see hinted at in the original material. I loved what you did with his back story and the two missions he's believed to have flown in the war before he was shot down.
What you have of Zoe, you got the back and forth banter between her and Mal and the dry stoic-ness they share. The understanding they have between each other that's not romance but deeper than friendship. I'm not sure about the scene where she cries and gives Mal something to be a sergeant about, Zoe seems like more of a tough love character to me, but it worked for the purpose. I really wish you had more of her, being in the women compound it makes sense that she's not there in person, but I found myself wishing a lot that Mal would think of Zoe at some times. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't.
Normally I avoid OCs, but in this setting, to flesh it out, they're
The one deviation from canon I do see is Mal and Wash's relationship. I've read your comments about that, and I understand them; the flashback scene in Out of Gas does allow that they could kind of know each other MAYBE. In the same episode Mal doesn't seem too bothered about bullying Wash around and trying to intimidate him into working on Serenity 's problems. Here, in the prison camp, it definitely does bother him when he disturbs, bullies, or frightens Wash, although maybe it's not shown outwardly, and maybe he was uncomfortable having to act that way in Out of Gas too. Mal is often shown as someone who has to make hard decisions that people will be angry at him/repulsed by him for, and a scene in the movie shows him being a little more affected by that then he normally lets on. But Wash's jealousy and lack of understanding towards Mal in War Stories just doesn't quite fit to me with their closeness and Wash's admiration as depicted here in the prison. Maybe that'll make sense later, and I'll keep reading for that, but right now this part of that is an enjoyable AU, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Characterization. I think you've nailed Mal, even as he progresses from someone who is very scared and typically not how we'd think of him, it's still him. He's still bold and defiant, cracking wise with his interrogators and anyone who gives him a hard time or hurts him with his dark humour, his most notable defensive tool against feeling helpless. He still has his sound judgment, ability to inspire and command, to read what people need, and an understated education and intelligence.
And you also captured both Wash's silly pilot-ness and something more vulnerable underneath him that we see hinted at in the original material. I loved what you did with his back story and the two missions he's believed to have flown in the war before he was shot down.
What you have of Zoe, you got the back and forth banter between her and Mal and the dry stoic-ness they share. The understanding they have between each other that's not romance but deeper than friendship. I'm not sure about the scene where she cries and gives Mal something to be a sergeant about, Zoe seems like more of a tough love character to me, but it worked for the purpose. I really wish you had more of her, being in the women compound it makes sense that she's not there in person, but I found myself wishing a lot that Mal would think of Zoe at some times. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't.
Normally I avoid OCs, but in this setting, to flesh it out, they're
Sunday, 18 January 2009 05:50
Wow.
That was well worth the wait (though I wish we hadn't had to wait so long)! Don't make us wait for the next one like that! JK, I know it's hard, I'm still trying to finish up a much less detailed and much shorter story.
Anyways, don't ever stop flying.
jW
That was well worth the wait (though I wish we hadn't had to wait so long)! Don't make us wait for the next one like that! JK, I know it's hard, I'm still trying to finish up a much less detailed and much shorter story.
Anyways, don't ever stop flying.
jW
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