Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Down the Rabbit Hole - Chapter Twelve

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Mal and Simon continue to hide from the Feds, but time may be taking its toll. Not slash. <b>This chapter:</b> Simon worries about Mal. Simon worries about River. Simon worries about time. Mal imparts some hard-earned Rim wisdom.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3346    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Last chapter was here, a long time ago.

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“What do you think they’re doing?” Simon set his stylus aside.

Another hour had flown by, hastened by the excitement of watching the mold grow. In that time Simon had paced a pattern on the floor, removed and replaced every item in the hover console, and re-examined each shadowy recess of the ruined house on the off chance that he might find an overlooked source of water. Finally, in an attempt to keep his hands off Mal’s pulse and, in turn, the captain’s fingers off his throat, he had taken up the engineer’s writing tablet. Ignoring Mal’s request to hear the dead man’s entries read aloud, and somewhat unmotivated to compose his own thoughts, Simon had quickly skipped past the only game loaded on the system and had settled in Composer, recreating orchestral movements and asking Mal to guess the creator. To his surprise the captain had accurately identified Mozart and Handel, and had invented extremely creative names for others. But the last smart answer had been seven concertos ago, leaving Simon with a new and unwanted distraction.

“On the ship, I mean,” he continued

The captain was drifting.

“Mal?”

Slurring more words. Leaving sentences unfinished. Dialing in and out of focus. Silence might be Mal’s way of managing pain, but what Simon heard now were involuntary gaps; chasms into which words disappeared after sliding from an authoritative start to not-quite-making-sense to being given up for lost. Not that every comment sputtered out: Mal could still aim a sharp barb at his hapless cellmate. But it was the increasing energy he required to do so that triggered Simon’s visceral alarm. And made him hesitate in his response to it.

“Captain?” He picked up the flashlight, angling the red beam across Mal’s prone form, discerning the rise and fall of his chest.

He knew with absolute certainty in which direction his patient’s

Comments
Thursday, 13 December 2007 21:15
As anticipated, Hompespun, such brilliant prose from you. The discussion of Mal's violent nature was absolutely riveting!

I can't leave a full review now, but I will later, for sure!
Thursday, 13 December 2007 21:34
OMG!! You made my day by posting this. I love the insight into the characters and look forward to seeing what happens in the morning.
Thursday, 13 December 2007 22:58
I squeed so very much when I saw this. I love this story so much. I startred reading it, I think, on LJ, and have been waiting rather impatiently for another chapter.

I hope you don't keep us waiting too long for the next one!

Simon and Mal are going to come out of this (right? RIGHT?!?) knowing and understanding a lot more about the other. It's a privledge for you to show us this well written and so very plausible journey in getting there.
Thursday, 13 December 2007 23:39
Oh brilliant! So happy to see you posting more of this story, was worried you weren't going to continue and I so want to see what else happens. Love the dialogue between Simon and Mal, and am enjoying the fact that this tale is teaching more about the Captain than he would ever have learnt in a lifetime on Serenity. Just hope rescue comes before it is too late to do any good. Also hope the next part is up soon! Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Thursday, 13 December 2007 23:55
One wonderful thing about this is how you capture Simon’s train of thought. It flows logically through a much varied conversation (not an easy thing to achieve!), it’s true to him, it touches on Mal’s situation, and it includes River and the rest of the crew so I feel their presence in the story. I can see that this chapter took a lot of time and thought to put together. Brava Homespun!

OK - favorite lines:

“New rule, Doc. ‘Cause I’m aimin’ for us t’ both live through the night. You can go back… to the pulse… e’ery ten minutes. Five, if ya want. Long as you don’ say nothing." -- A bit of humor there combined with a cranking up of the tension in the conversation – a lovely mix. It’s so true of Simon that he wouldn’t leave the matter be. I can’t imagine he’s got good bedside manner at the best of times, much less in this kind of situation… And I love that he puts himself in the place of the “irrational relatives in the ER.” I think that would be an odd but unavoidable step for him.

“See, I mighta grown up in the wilds but I never killed a man ‘til I went to war. So you’ll have to take your notion a evolution ‘n peddle i’ elsewhere.” -- A line I can picture Nathan delivering so very well!

I was a little confused about the dugout shelter – was picturing baseball LOL! But Mal’s description cleared that right up. Heartbreaking, but a perfect image.
Friday, 14 December 2007 05:12
i just discovered this story with the newest posting. Yeah for you -- this is really good stuff.

You are doing a great job with voices; and thank you so much for the description of where we are. Enough to make the picture without flattening us.

Mal4Prez is right -- that line about evolution is priceless. And I love that bit about Mal telling Simon how often he has checked his pulse -- and asking what he plans to do about what he finds.

Don't make ME wait like all these other folks have waited for a new chapter.

Saturday, 15 December 2007 05:44
You already know what I think of your work. I've made it as clear as I can. This addition only solidifies that opinion. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to see you continuing this storyline.

"Saw that comin'."


Rob O.
Saturday, 15 December 2007 15:40
What an amazingly brilliant piece of writing you've created once again! So glad to see more of this story and hoping for more soon. You have a rare gift of diction - your word choice is so perfect you say more in a few words than many others can say in sentences. And the specific word choices make the characters sound so much like Joss's writing that I want to laugh and cry at the same time at the push and pull of humor and sadness. Beautiful visual of the dugout and the horrors of Rimworld life. I find it amazing that you can be so far into Mal's head and thoughts and then in the next sentence be just as deep into Simon's character. This is a work to be proud of.
Sunday, 16 December 2007 15:17
Thanks to you all for reading this after such a ridiculous hiatus. I very much appreciate it.

Hoperules, Leiasky, Amdobell, misswhatsis, I am trying so hard not to leave things hanging again. Really I am. I'm afraid of what misswhatsis will do to me if I don't post again.

And Leiasky, regarding "right? RIGHT?!?" *Shrugs* I dunno.

Mal4Prez, (I'm able to control the squeeing now) thanks for your comment about Simon's train of thought. It's one twisty track. Also, anyone who knows me well would probably think baseball first, lol.

HeWhoKicksAlot, thanks for sticking with it, even though I am probably making grevious medical errors. And thanks for always checking in.

Katesfriend, your comments always make me smile. I already knew I liked to be in Mal's head, but I have to say that Simon's is a revelation. The words - yeah, each one takes about a month to perfect. :)

Thank you all very much.

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