Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Down the Rabbit Hole, Chapter Sixteen

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Simon and Mal hiding out from the Feds. Not slash. This chapter: With no one else to talk to, Simon asks himself the tough questions.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3570    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Hi. Working on the fly here because I realllly wanted to get this posted today, or it would have had to wait til some time...not now.

Sincere apologies to all the firefighters, EMTs (you know who you are) and medical professionals I am insulting with my writing in these current chapters. Which is peopled with characters belonging to Joss Whedon, not to me. I'm excited because I think I might actually finish this story. Thanks for reading.

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Back to

Or, for a quick refresher,

It was just as they passed beyond the reach of the flames that Mal fell.

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No!

Simon’s hand closed on air as he grabbed too late, jerking to a stop so quickly the hover slammed into his hip, knocking him sideways. “Ye su!” He struggled to swing the craft around, releasing it to thud unheeded to the ground as he found Mal, face down and unmoving.

No, no no. “Mal.” He shook the captain’s right shoulder, not expecting a reply and not getting one. Reaching for Mal’s throat he felt for the carotid pulse, scanning their surroundings as he did so. There wasn’t much to see. Even this far removed from the house, smoke still rendered details indistinct. Only the corona of the structural fires blazed through the pall, and that brightness blinded him to anything beyond. No figures moved before those flames; not soldiers advancing with rifles, and not Jayne striding toward them, tossing insults.

He stared for a moment at Mal, measuring his ragged respiration, loathe to turn him onto his back for fear he’d never be able to lift him from that position. He heard a slightly hysterical laugh that must have been his. Lift him? How was he going to do that from any position? Debris was once again raining on them, and he started as something seared his ear, painfully recalling his attention.

All right.

K

Comments
Friday, 01 February 2008 00:10
Ooh, there are some lovely descriptive lines in this!

<i>a shriek sounded from behind, followed by a long, defeated groan.</i>

I love that, I can hear it perfectly

<i>The minute hands were winding down to hopeless as Simon sat on a crate at Mal’s bedside, head in his hands.</i>

Such a sad image.

Very exciting, and very worrisome for Mal. I do not like him without a pulse at his wrist and his lips all blue, his pallor grey *shivers* I know you're not evil enough to really let him die! Right?! RIGHT?!

And Simon leaves him at the end! *gasps* Ooh, there's so much turmoil and emotion and regret and fear and stuff all mixed up in a big ball here, and it's <i>delicious</i>!!!

Wonderful part, as usual darlin'! You're in the home stretch now! I can't wait for the rest!!
Friday, 01 February 2008 00:21
Wow - this was fabulous! I never thought Simon would leave Mal, but thinking he's going to go out in a blaze of glory is going to be quite the inspirational experience for the Doctor. He is sure to understand Mal and Zoe MUCH better after this. You have successfully managed to put Simon through the wringer.

Your word choice is as usual - genius. And you left me wondering what exactly Simon is going to do next - take on the Alliance and die, go find Inara, or purposely lead the Alliance away from Mal. So now you have to hurry up and write more soon!

Friday, 01 February 2008 00:35
Wow, this is so choke full of angst for Simon and I am worried about Mal. Just hope Simon's decision to go for help will enable him to get help in time to save the Captain. At least he has left Mal in relative comfort and hopefully somewhere safe until he can get back to him. I absolutely love how you have delineated Simon in this fic, the characterisation is spot on. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Friday, 01 February 2008 10:13
well this was a really great exploration of Simon - AND a tense piece of actioneering! top stuff:)
Friday, 01 February 2008 15:58
Ohh, pour on the angst why don't you! This was an excellently crafted chapter that left me craving more!

I'm excited that you're going to finish this story too!

When? I have no fingernails left, I've bitten them all off!
Friday, 01 February 2008 16:34
What a cliffhanger!! PLEASE DON'T WAIT TOO LONG BEFORE YOU POST THE NEXT INSTALLMENT!!! As always, you're character insights are GREAT!
Monday, 04 February 2008 13:18
I love the insights into Simon, and how he's learning more than he ever really wanted to know. But I second the others - want more ... now!
Monday, 04 February 2008 21:09
Oh, this is fun! I mean... Mal is not fun. Go you with the very believable-seeming med stuff with circulation and all. I say "seeming" because I have no idea about it, but it seems realistic to me! Also seems like you put some work into making Simon actually sound like a doctor, and into making Mal's injury more than a nebulously defined bunch of painful ouchiness to crank up the angst. By which I mean - nicely done!

Not that I'm not angsting. I'm angsting out big time, and really wondering what you've got planned for Simon. I hope he makes it back! I hope he gets out there and finds that lazy damned crew...

Oh, but I do want to kick the good doctor a bit. I thought a few chapters ago that he was going to go out searching for this hidden stash of goods. You know, when Mal told him it might be there. But he didn't. Silly doctor!
Friday, 08 February 2008 03:10
Oh, no! Now I have to wait, just like everyone else. I think I might cry, this is so sad.
Tuesday, 29 April 2008 20:15
Looks mournfully for the next chapter....sits patiently

twi

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