Blue Sun Room FICTION - ADVENTURE

Nothing Ventured... - Ch. 2

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Motivated consumers and money-back guarantees...

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3984    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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EXT. UNNAMED TOWN - DAY

Mal strolls down what looks like the main street of the town. Children are playing in fallen snow, throwing snowballs and making snow angels. Mal smiles at their antics, checking out the passing buildings. A small garrison of Alliance troops, eight in all, dressed in winter gear passes by across the street. Mal tactfully glances away, entering a small shop.

* * *

INT. OLD SHOP

The shop is ancient-looking, though immaculately clean. A grandfatherly looking man leans on the counter next to an old cash register. The room is filled with trinkets, some recognizable devices from various eras. Mal steps close to a table and picks up a small device.

SHOPKEEPER - Can I help you find somethin’, son?

MAL - Not rightly sure. Just... I’ll know it when I see it, I s’pose.

SHOPKEEPER - Well, I won’t be givin’ you the usual song ‘n dance. I let my wares speak for themselves. Everything works. Money-back guarantee and all, ‘less ya let yer toddler use ‘em for a hammer.

Mal shakes his head and sets the device in its place.

MAL - No toddler to speak of, just one over-big juvenile. (glances around the shop) This place reminds me of the shops on my home-world.

SHOPKEEPER - Where’s that now?

MAL - Little rock, used to go by the name o’ Shadow, til some friends showed up for one rousin’ shindig.

SHOPKEEPER - Ah, yes. Kinda friends that clean out yer icebox and trample yer rug without so much as a howdya-do.

MAL - Ain’t that the truth.

* * *

EXT. TOWN - DAY

River and Kaylee walk leisurely down the street, Kaylee occasionally looking into windows and pointing excitedly for River to look as well. River smiles at Kaylee’s excitement. Inara walks a couple steps behind them, people-watching. All three are dressed in heavy winter coats and hoods, hiding much of their appearance.

KAYLEE - Ooh. Simon would love that...

Kaylee points through a window. We see a gold-trimmed black vest hanging on a mannequin.

RIVER - I don’t think... (be

Comments
Sunday, 17 June 2007 07:24
"SHOPKEEPER - Well, I won’t be givin’ you the usual song ‘n dance. I let my wares speak for themselves. Everything works. Money-back guarantee and all, ‘less ya let yer toddler use ‘em for a hammer.

Mal shakes his head and sets the device in its place.

MAL - No toddler to speak of, just one over-big juvenile."

What a great exchange! I'm in awe of your perfect Firefly dialog....it's like stepping right back into the show, and that's ultimately what I look for in a perfect fanfic.

I loved the way the snow set the scene and the mood for this chapter, and of course now we need to see what happens with this evil cliffhanger of yours......

Oh, and by the way, I fully intend to read A Mighty Thorn, and am looking forward to doing so very much.
Sunday, 17 June 2007 08:46
Excellent pacing and dialogue. And dammit if Simon didn't have to draw just enough attention to himself to get nabbed. Why can't anything run smooth? Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Sunday, 17 June 2007 09:18
ooh, things aren't looking good for poor Simon.

Great chapter, can't wait to read the next.
Sunday, 17 June 2007 18:31
I am still wondering what Mal is shopping for. Excellent chapter, as always.
Monday, 18 June 2007 04:12
Poor Simon, he never handles that whole walking on the street past lawmen thing very well, huh? Liked the exchange between Mal and the shopkeeper. Could just hear it perfectly in my head!
Monday, 18 June 2007 13:14
Oh, Simon. Why didn't you buy yourself an outrageously plumed fan to hide behind? Has he learned nothing of espionage?

Those Feds aren't going to know what hit them...and I hope the ensuing tussle doesn't damage the box he just acquired. (For Kaylee, perhaps?)

...and what might a squad of alert MPs be doing on watch in a peaceful old town? Could major trouble be brewing?

Well done as ever!
~MG
Thursday, 21 June 2007 02:42
Even with the seemingly wonky formatting (when I read it, everything was a great big amorphous blob), this was quality work here, Rob! Definitely smirked at Mal's short dialogue with the Shopkeeper;)

BEB

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