Simon Bent Kaylee Over (Flan B fanfic challenge)
Thursday, January 4, 2007
At Flan B in California, BigBadJayne wrote four words on a scrap of paper. He gave the words as a fanfic challenge to 5 browncoat writers at the table where we sat. 2 Jaylee and 3 Silee writers were invited to scribble away at a ficlet that followed those words. Leiasky has done hers. Kaynara too. This is my contribution. Hope it works okay for those who read. Let me know what you think and I'll be thankful for whatever you say, approving or not.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 4960 RATING: 8.0 (NC17) SERIES: FIREFLY
Before we get to the fic, I've a few words to say to AComfortableNumb and EngineAngel for the beauteous beta work. I was ready to deposit this whole thing into the rubbish bin until ACN gave me hope by erasing a rampant plot twist that didn't belong, and by bringing humor in. Engie is, as always, dear friend and mei mei, and her encouragement kept me going.
http://www.fireflyfans.net/fulluserbluesunlist.asp?un=ACOMFORTABLENUMB>'ACN's fic'
http://www.fireflyfans.net/fulluserbluesunlist.asp?un=EngineAngel>'Engie's fic'
Here's the story:
Simon bent Kaylee over Jayne's lap at the dinner table, the doctor's slim-fingered hand skating lightly over her fabric covered hip. No licentiousness was involved, Simon's touch was applied to an angry swelling under the material.
Nobody knew how or why the girl had taken an injury. What they DID know was that she was sensitive about it, wouldn't allow an examination even after Simon pressed her about it when Inara had reported having seen the little mechanic limping along toward her quarters the day before. Now Kaylee was insensible from the pop the doctor had administered to her bare upper arm seconds before. Nervous and guilty at doping the lovely girl without her consent, even though he well knew the medical reason for it, he held his hand lightly, waiting to see if she would wake.
She didn't.
Her head dangled at the level of Jayne's shin where he sat in the dinner table chair. The impromptu exam table looked down to his left to Kaylee's grimy sleep-curled little hand that hung near his ankle, seeming ready to grasp him. He sucked in air of a sudden, shifted his seating a bit for the pleasure of feeling her breasts rustle against the outside of his muscled thigh.
˜Yesu, doc, take all the time ya need," his heated thoughts ran along those lines as his body felt the lines of her own strung out and unconscious in his lap. The shaft between his legs fought for air, for notice as the pleasurable torture of Kaylee's curves laid ou
And JUST for the maglite that Simon pulls out of his pocket this gets a 10. And really, only those of us that were privy to that special joke-telling will really get it, but OMG, Washie, I laughed myself nearly into a coma when he pulled it out!
Nicely done with the challenge too!
But god I'm still giggling over the maglite!
'Lord love a duck, but I'd love to get closer to that.'
--such a Jayne expression!
"He'd been through a lot; had done his good works for the day, and it had worked him up something fierce."
--gotta love Jayne being noble!
Oh, this was very...whoa. And hot. Good job with the prompt, darlin'. :)
On to the fic.....
Nobody knew how or why the girl had taken an injury. *Way to set this story up, short and to the point, you didn't waste words on trying to explain how she got injured, she just is that's all that mattered.
The impromptu exam table looked down to his left to Kaylee's grimy sleep-curled little hand that hung near his ankle, seeming ready to grasp him.*Your describing Jayne as an impromptu exam table is just fabulous and only goes to show the depth of your ability to paint a scene, and her hand hanging near his ankle just adds to the description as if her hand were hanging down around the table leg of the exam table. *smiling*
"The coveralls will have to come down, of course." *uh...well yeah, of course they do....
Jayne thought they were called "French cut" *yeah..that is the total Jayne there, goin' off and thinkin' again. I love how you write him.
Jayne had seen her frame in full light before, but only in his dreams.*uh huh....that'd be our Jayne too.
Tilting his head to the side, Simon took a small maglite from a shirt pocket and freed his hands by clenching the tip between his teeth, aiming at the odd protuberance. *Great description here, impromptu exam table, AND now an impromptu exam light...and poor Jayne right now, while Simon is busy inspecting, all he can do is sit there and play the part of an inanimate object, at least as best he can *winks*
Jayne nodded, and watched the doctor turn to leave. *okay...not so inanimate...lol
Reaching toward nirvana, he risked going to the special hell, one calloused finger slipping under the waistband of the white cotton. *Going to the special hell..LOL...I can just see the conflict in Jaynes head, well, maybe not so much a conflict of morals, rather a conflict of how much to play doctor before the real doctor came back. *smiling big at that one*
his mind strained and as a bead of moisture colored the pants a shade darker *good image...poor Jayne, would love to see how he explains that one.
Lemme just say, right here...the sexin' of poor lifeless Kaylee at the hands of Jayne...makes me want to punch him in the nose, so I can take his place...did I just say that?
As Simon reentered the dining room, Jayne quickly applied his hand back towards him and adjusted Kaylee's dangling coveralls, as the blood that had been routed into his lap rushed back up to his face, red with embarrassment. *ROFLMRAO....That is HI-larious, Jayne gettin' caught with his hands in the cookie jar, or fruit basket, or well, you get what I mean.
And then this...."Didn't seem right, her all exposed like that, I was just tryin' to cover her up a bit," *Yeah....and since you write Jayne so well it was so easy to see him fumble through this, infront Simon.
"Jayne with honorable intentions..." Simon raised a perfect eyebrow. "Right. Makes me wonder what possessed me to leave you with her in a state of undress...*Absolutly perfect Simon wit right there, not many people would be able to catch his little dig.
"We done here, Doc?" *Uh...yeah, you can go now big boy.
Swiftly into his bed, he tore open the front of his pants, mind and body intent on getting a grip on himself while the taste, smell, feel of Kaylee was fresh and new. *And he heads to his room...and...he would be swift about it.
And this...to end, if there's a man out there who has any mis-understandings or questions bout' the how in Jayne's hands, well let me just say this...Washie, you could write an instruction manual. *grins..just a little*
Loved this, want more. Please?
Vera
Though I am not a Jayne fan, I have to say, at least he was "noble", but not in the strictest sense! Nice work with the prompt!
I really like how you put the "She didn't." at the beginning as its own paragraph. Tis good.
"Jayne swallowed nervously, his adam's apple sliding down with the olive green material that slid by way of Simon's hand along her flank." ----- love this line, the adam's apple sliding down with the coveralls, very good wording and imagery.
great descriptions, truly you are the queen of wording!
*insert wolf whistle here* dayum! lol
"Jayne's head whipped down and to the side, his breath drawn inward like air through the engines at the feel of kaylee's semi-conscious hand on his skin." ----- I love how put in "air through the engines" as Kaylee causes air to go through the engines as well!
"as the blood that had been routed into his lap rushed back up to his face, red with embarrassment." ----- nice description, very nice wording yet again!!!
""Didn't seem right, her all exposed like that, I was just tryin' to cover her up a bit," Jayne explained, the redness in his cheeks growing." ----- lol, yeah, nice try jayne. it was a good attempt at a coverup lol.
"Jayne slunk away toward where Vera slept, shifting his body's weapon tenting the front of his khaki's as he walked hurriedly" -----good good line, the comparison of vera and jayne's...um...weapon *grins*
"Gods, he came, the milk jetting from him in streamers of hot wet thick cum that fled his body like ammunition from his best gun. " ----- DAYUM what a line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn damn damn damn damn!
ok.....DAMN, mei mei, this has to be my favorite story from you...and that's saying something, due to how amazing your others are! oh so hot...love how you took the prompt and went with it your own way, pure genius, genius.
ok, now i've read the comments...what's this joke bout the maglite???
And of course, having been privy to the inception of the "maglite" story - I laughed so hard, I cried as soon as I read it!
All I have to say is... I'M A FIREFLY I'M A FIREFLY!!
You're too clever Washie!
this is classic Jayne at his best (or should I say worst) to take advantage of poor lil Kaylee in the style that you excel at, which is to say filthy and completely hysterical at the same time....Leiasky warned me I'd need a cold shower after this...so "I'll be in my bunk" LMAO!
Cheers to you again! Excellent!!!
BEB
BEB
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