Blue Sun Room FICTION - DRAMA

The Losing Side, chapter 10 v2.0

Sunday, February 5, 2006

The story of Mal's experiences after the war, leading up to his purchase of Serenity. Other characters include Zoe and Wash.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3264    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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NOTE: This is a re-written version of the old chapter 10, which I wasn't entirely happy with. Please let me know what you think of this latest version. I feel a lot better about it, personally.

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Mal sat on the edge of his bunk, mind churning. Zoe was still following him, and he was in no shape to lead. He took a deep breath. "Well, son, you're just gonna have to change that," he told himself. "Buckle down and keep going, 'cause there ain't no way around it."

Seeing her had brought to the fore something that worried him so deeply he hadn't even let himself consider it. Zoe was here too. If she ever had to go through something like that, and worse, if it had anything to do with him.......

He'd figured out just one way to handle life in this place, and that was to shut down and give in. If they tied you down, you'd best get used to it. If they locked you up, you were gonna stay locked up until they decided otherwise, and if they felt like beating you 'til you were half dead, then you'd better get ready to endure it. But he supposed Zoe was right, as usual; a person couldn't just stop feeling.

Mal looked down and saw his hands shaking. Problem was, he'd given up for a reason. Planning a way out of this prison and into some sort of a life for him and Zoe meant thinking plainly, and that was the thing he most desperately longed to avoid. Hope meant another part of him that could be shattered, and when you cared about the future, it became something else that could be snatched away. An hour ago, he'd been more miserable than he could measure; now, he found himself terrified.

"- find what happiness you can. Just 'cause it may be snatched away the next minute doesn't mean you can't have it." Zoe's words echoed clear as day in his mind, and his hands steadied as he remembered her gentle touch on his shoulder.

He flinched as a voice startled him out of his reverie. "Nice to see you showing some signs of

Comments
ANONYMOUS
Sunday, 05 February 2006 11:48
I don't know what you've done, but I agree that this is better. The flow seems to be fixed up a little, and there aren't those few awkward moments that peppered the last version. Also, the makes me happy, because you're still alive and working on this, and now hopefully working on the next chapter. Yay!

Thanks for putting the effort in...hope to see the next one soon!

Errbrr
Sunday, 05 February 2006 20:14
Still a great piece of fic, jetflair, but I am personally still kinds of henpecked by the fact you have Wash and Mal meeting up in a POW camp....cuz Mal showed no idea of recognizing Wash when he hired him. Unless, like I said before, the moustache was a might distracting;)

BEB
Thursday, 23 March 2006 08:34
Oh please please please more "Losing Side"!!!!!!!!!!!! I enjoy your writing, I'll try "Dream," but I really REALLY REALLY want more "Losing Side"
Saturday, 29 April 2006 17:17
This version did read more richly and smoothly. Subtle changes but they added up. The point I noticed the most was when Mal falls--the way you wrote it here worked much better.

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