Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Serenity: Sundown (Updated)

Monday, January 23, 2006

My fanfic script with a few new scenes I added much faster than expected. I'll try to fix mistakes and add more. Again, I apologize for if it sucks. I'm just a fan not a screenwriter.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2698    RATING: 8.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Scene: We see our Captain Reynolds sweaty and more than a little uncalm walking quickly into the dormitory hallway of Serenity . The shot settles as the captain’s face is seen in full on the left half of the screen and Kaylee can be seen coming in behind him out of focus on the right. He looks back not really looking like he wants to ask the question he is about to.

Mal

Gasou! She’s hot! Kaylee what temp she runnin?

Kaylee

Too hot, captain!

Mal

(Ordering)Get the doc down there to help you and make sure she’s taken care of.

Scene: Jayne enters from where Kaylee and the captain had come from

Jayne

She’s about to blow if you ask me. Leaking everywhere and making sounds I ain’t never imagined.

Mal

(quickly)Shut up, Jayne!

(yelling at the cockpit)Can you set a course and land somewhere River, preferably with all the help we’ll be need’n?

Scene: Cut to a close-up of River looking over her shoulder with a smile on her face

River

Sure.

Mal

Good crazy girl. I’ll be up there in just a sec. (Turns to Kaylee) Go. Now.

Scene: Cut to Kaylee entering Simon’s room. Simon is asleep with the blankets around him and in his pajamas.

Kaylee

(worried and somewhat scared)Simon, Get up! We’re going to need your help!

Simon

(sleepily)What?! Wait?! What’s going on?!

Kaylee

(explaining and getting angry)She’s in pain I can hear her from here and you need to get your {ass} down there to help!

Simon

(rationalizing and tired)Would you just hold on a second, Kaylee. We seem to be landing ok I’m sure whatever’s wrong with the ship can at least wait until I have my shirt and pants on. Can’t it?

Kaylee

(explaining in the way one would about consequences to a third grader)

Zoe’s water broke. She’s gone into contractions and we can’t figure out what painkillers to give her. She’s getting a tad irritable and to make matters worse we think she might be ill too.

Simon

(surprised and somewhat horrified)

Oh.

Scene: Cut to Zoe’s face in pain in the infirmary

Zoe

AGGGGGHHHHHHH

Comments
Monday, 23 January 2006 19:49
AAHHHHH!!!!! Don't just end it like that!! Your evil! This is great so far.
Monday, 23 January 2006 23:24
I agree... it is a little harsh to leave it there.
Not sure about the term 'pub' it's a little too English for Firefly!
Quite brave to do a script format, most of the fic here borders on it few openly attempt it.
Quick suggestion... loosen up the dialogue a little eg:
"What’s this I hear? Malcolm Reynolds caring bout what another soul wants to do on his boat? This is unheard of. I tell you what, it’s a regular democratic revolution."
... not quite Jayne speak.
The sarcasm is getting there but the 'This is unheard of' isn't quite right.
Hope this feedback is of some use, keep writing and I'll keep reading.

Taya


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