The Guns of Yamenmiao (Pt. 8)
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Old That Is Strong - Book 1, Part 8. Mal is only a few steps away from locating the missing train and its deadly cargo. Meanwhile, Inara indirectly tries to help him find what he's looking for.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3947 RATING: 9.0 (PG) SERIES: FIREFLY
First things first: Truth to say, folks, I got no grudge about the sparse feedback on Part 7. I know the site was being stupider than usual last week, so if you tried to comment/rate the last part and couldn't, I don't fault you. ;) Angellemarcs....well, I'm glad you have a small place in your heart for trains - I had one up till about a year ago when they became the most colossal pain in the pi-gu. Thanks for reading and enjoying anyway! Woonsocket, I had the incidental music from 'Bushwhacked' running through my head the whole time I was writing that part. Thanks for stopping in again. Prologue. Blurbs. 'Nuff said. ;)
http://www.fireflyfans.net/bluesun.aspx?bid=20423>Part 7
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The last of dusk's glow had faded away by the time Mal and company returned to the quarry. In the near-stifling darkness, the far walls and the floor were far beyond the reach of the lanterns. Wash felt his pulse quicken as they cautiously approached the edge of the pit: the elevator's winch looked much larger in the darkness than it had in the dimming light, but his attention kept drifting back to the siding and the tunnel that swallowed it, a midnightly patch of dark within dark. His nerves began to slip as Mal led the way, almost on tiptoe, to the quarry's edge, senses probing constantly for any sign of a wayward miner returning for a forgotten tool.
"We goin' down?" Robert asked presently.
"Shhh!" Mal hissed, holding up the same silencing hand he'd raised earlier. A quick glance around and into the quarry reassured him that there was no one around to overhear. "Nothin' to see down there. Wouldn't make any kinda sense for a way in to be down that deep."
"So where do we look for a way in, then?" Wash wondered. "Better yet, what kind of way in are we looking for?"
"Way out," River cut in.
Wash and Robert both whirled on her with quizzical stares, but Mal was unfazed. "Means of egress," she continued, staring bla
Back to the story - another excellent chapter, letting the story unfold at its own pace and not rushing any of their discoveries. River is perfectly unnerving and equally full of useful information, if only one knows how to understand her. You write her well.
Mal is steadfast and determined, and pretty patient with Wash, who is definitely outside of his comfort zone (and I love Wash).
Liked Zoe's handling of Simon (frantic as always - and did he really think Mal would bring River back just because he insisted? He just doesn't *get* it).
Inara has nicely complicated the plot and I like that while she does it for Mal, there's no question she's gloating a bit about finding him a job.
All in character. Description is good, dialog is great, and knowing another chapter is coming makes Mondays bearable.
On the critical side: I found the shifts between the planet and the ship during the comm chat disconcerting. On TV, these things work because there's a visible change. Here, I felt like I was lagging a bit behind the action as I figured out - oh, we're on the ship now. And we're back on the planet. OK, on the ship. Etc... I guess it's a matter of taste - I just don't like abrupt changes like this, not in written fiction. Maybe it's just me. :)
Cute line from River. You have her sounding very much like the real crazy person she is and doing a great job. Nice way to stir the pot with Inara thinking she is doing Mal a favor. Love snarky Wash and overprotective Simon vs. Zoe was great stuff! Looking forward to more.
You can't take the sky from me
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