Hard Times - Part Three
Friday, January 4, 2008
Post BDM, the crew is picking up the pieces and getting on with life the best they can. Our BDHs go to the aid of a ship in distress and are offered something in return for their help. But there’s a complication…
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2472 RATING: 9.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
Hard Times - Part Three
Disclaimer thingy: Firefly/Serenity are owned by other folks and not by me, though I appreciate being able to write some stuff purely for fun inspired by the Firefly 'Verse.
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Third instalment, encouraged yet again by friendly feedback on my last effort. Enjoy; and all constructive comments appreciated!
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Two hours of travel passed uneventfully for the crew. Mal and Zoë kept a close watch on Serenity’s radar, but it showed nothing more sinister than the crippled cargo vessel they were heading for. River sat quietly in the co-pilot’s chair, chin propped in one hand, her eyes gazing out unblinkingly at the stars. At last a shape became barely visible ahead of them: the Lewington, drifting slowly in space. River regarded it steadily for a moment, then gracefully uncurled herself, stood up and headed for the doorway that led to the rest of the ship. Mal looked across at her. “You goin’ somewhere?”
“Got better things to do.” River looked back over her shoulder at him, then turned away. “Everything’s what it looks like. No surprise parties.”
“You sure ‘bout that?” Mal demanded.
“Cheep cheep cheep,” was River’s only reply, as she stepped through the doorway and disappeared from view. Mal’s brows drew together in brief irritation, before he turned back to the viewscreen. Reaching out he hit the com button and spoke. “Kaylee, you want to head on up to the bridge... We’re close enough to get neighbourly.”
Once Kaylee had joined Mal and Zoë, Mal transmitted a call. “Lewington, this is Firefly Serenity, do you read us?”
“Loud and clear, Captain Reynolds.” Stanway’s voice came from the speaker. “You are a welcome sight, I can tell you.”
“Got my chief engineer standing by here, Stanway,” Mal said. “You want to give her a run-down on your situation?” He moved to let Kaylee get nearer the com. As she passed close him she said in a low voice from the corner of her mouth, “ [
It is just so dark and unsettling, with Simon and Mal confrontations, Zoe's quiet distance, Inara's resolve to support Mal by letting him Captain, and River's feelings of distrust from Mal, and Jayne... well, Jayne.
A hard read, but well worth it, because I imagine the sequel will start in a dark defeated place, much likewhat you've created.
A question? I always think of Zoe as a tactical bridge officer or an operational manager, not a pilot or a nurse. Wouldn't River pilot and Inara cover for Simon, when Mal and Simon need rest? Zoe seems to be all over the ship and in different roles. It seems counter to what we saw at the end of the movie and during the Reaver fight.
You had a lot of angst, but all of it had a significant purpose, none of it needless argument for the sake of writing in an argument - all of the arguments moved the plot along and all perfectly in character.
You caught all the crew's characters perfectly - even the saner version of River and the complaining Jayne. But your Simon and Mal were wonderfully in character. You showed a lot of insight into the responsibilities both feel, and the inevitable conflict between them was perfect. Great job! Looking forward to more!
really enjoying...
Thanks too for your question, Platonist. At the moment I see Mal and Zoë sharing the main duties of piloting/manning the bridge on Serenity, with River in a supporting role. At the end of the film River demonstrates she's got the ability to fly Serenity, albeit with Mal sitting beside her, but my gut feeling is that Mal wouldn't be too happy just leaving her to it on the bridge to pilot Serenity solo... Plus he's got that whole guilt thing driving him at the moment, so he's keeping busy rather than giving himself time to sit and think too much. Ditto Zoë - she's keeping herself busy too, splitting shifts in the cockpit with Mal. As for Zoë being available to help Simon out, that was just Mal letting Simon know who from the crew would be on call if Simon needed an extra pair of hands.
More soon, folks...
I know how important first time feedback is (it seems ages ago since I posted my first one now). Whether you receive good, bad or ugly comments - you should always keep writing, as it's clear that you love it.
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