Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Hard Times - Part Nine

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Serenity’s crew get underway to Athens - then Mal and Zoë discover that their non-paying passenger has an unexpected connection with their own past.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2453    RATING: 9.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Disclaimer thingy: Firefly/Serenity are owned by other folks and not by me, though I appreciate being able to write some stuff purely for fun inspired by the Firefly 'Verse. All constructive comments and feedback from you shiny readers out there much appreciated!

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When Mal and Zoë arrived back at the ship, they found Kaylee sitting outside in the smoggy sunshine on a folding chair, watching the life of the docks walk by. She smiled up at them as they stopped by the entrance ramp. “Hey! How’d it go? We got a job?”

“We got a job.” Mal smiled back at his engineer’s enthusiasm. “And…” He dug out the pouch of money and tossed it across to her. “We got enough cashy money for you to go get us fuelled up.”

“Shiny!” Kaylee stashed the pouch carefully and picked up her chair, folding it shut. “I’ll go get that sorted right away.”

“Take Jayne with you,” instructed Mal. Kaylee pulled a face.

“Okay.”

Mal and Zoë headed into Serenity, followed by Kaylee who quickly disappeared to dump her chair and fetch Jayne and the depleted fuel cells she would be exchanging. Mal and Zoë walked up the cargo bay stairs after her. As they moved along the fore passage Mal said, “You want to take a break? It’s pretty near my shift.”

“Okay, sir.” Zoë stopped outside the door to her cabin, leaving him to walk on to the bridge alone.

It took little time for Kaylee and Jayne to make the journey to a refueling yard on the mule, and even less time for Kaylee to fit the new fuel cells after they’d returned. Take-off clearance came through and Mal lifted Serenity up through the atmosphere and out into space, setting a preliminary course for Athens. He was checking vectors and starting to calculate a route that gave a compromise between distance and traffic, when the co-pilot’s chair beside him creaked. He turned his head to see River smiling at him. “Hey, little albatross,” he said comfortably, looking back at the charts on the console display. “Ho

Comments
Thursday, 21 February 2008 17:37
Pretty interesting and fairly sure I know where your going with Leon but guess i will find out for sure soon enough.
Thursday, 21 February 2008 17:56
More nice work, with some nice, smooth dialog. I could see all the characters as you wrote them.
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“Hey. You want to knock before entering my head?”

“It doesn’t work like that,” said River, turning her head slowly onto one side. “You’re the ones who don’t stop broadcasting. I just pick up the programmes.”

“Well, tune your antenna in another direction.”

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“I had no idea you were such an expert on cultural etiquette,” Inara commented dryly. Jayne cocked an eyebrow. “I know all kinda stuff. A man don’t travel cross the ‘Verse as much as I done without pickin’ up a thing or two.”

“I can imagine,” said Inara.
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Perfect, perfect Firefly style. :D Well done.
Thursday, 21 February 2008 20:44
believable OCs, everyone in character speaking real dialogue, in a solid plot, excellent writing
Thursday, 21 February 2008 20:50
Your writing is a pleasure to read, and this plotline is excellent. Glad to see your Mal - so perfectly in character - finally got to Leon's secret. The significant glances you added between crewmembers give your writing a beautiful visual component, so that it's so easy to see this all playing out. And the description of trauma psychology was perfect coming from Simon - it gave his character much more depth. Your approach to Zoe through River's eyes was beautifully done. Lovin this and looking forward to more!
Thursday, 28 February 2008 11:39
Big thanks for your feedback, folks. Glad you're liking the dialogue - it seems to be the hardest thing to get right, the voices of the characters. I've just posted part ten up, which is mostly talk and not much action... Felt more difficult to get right, but hopefully it works. And as for Leon... Well, there may be some interesting times ahead. My gut feeling is that no-one comes through the kind of trauma he's suffered without damage of the lasting kind.

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