Blue Sun Room FICTION - DRAMA
The Losing Side, Chapter 45
Monday, May 28, 2007
Mal wakes up with a hangover and confronts his feelings about losing to the Alliance and being sentenced to prison. He confronts Khiloh, receives a gift, and.......Wash comes back.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2988 RATING: 9.0 (PG) SERIES: FIREFLY
Mal groaned, blinking his eyes open and trying to focus through the blinding light. Heavy footsteps padded over, and Gray spoke with an obvious attempt to keep his voice low and soft. "Got a big cup of water and your pain meds here, might make downing 'em a priority."
"Got a gun?" Mal asked.
"Uh……no," said Gray.
"Cause –" Mal coughed and grabbed the water from Gray, "I wanna go shoot some Alliance. Lots – of 'em."
Gray grinned. "I like your attitude." He handed Mal the pain pills. "Might take these before you start, could be they'd improve your aim some."
Mal took them with a weak grin, and dragged himself upright to look around at the small, decidedly depressed collection of friends surrounding him. He frowned. "I imagine if I was to attend my own wake, it'd look something like this. Not a peaceable feeling."
"Well, it is a Sunday," Zeke said in a quiet voice. "I know your opinion of God isn’t the highest right now, but I've seen that cross in your locker. Ever given thought to attending service one of these times?"
"No," said Mal shortly.
"They're rather beautiful," said Zeke. "Run by Independent chaplains, no Alliance."
"Right," said Mal. "Because self-brainwashing is the best kind."
"Even if you don't want any part of God, Mal, love and hope are good things to be in the midst of. Keep a man going sometimes," said Zeke.
"I keep goin' by fighting, not by worshipping illusions – no offence." The look Mal gave Zeke said quite plainly that he didn't give a damn if offence were to be taken.
"And where does that leave you when you lose the fight?" challenged Zeke.
"In an Alliance prison, bein' evangelized to by you, apparently," retorted Mal. "I've walked through the valley of death, a mite too literally for my liking, and let me tell you it wasn't no experience left me wanting to worship."
Mal stood with a groan and walked outside. The whole facility was blanketed in a dense gray fog, lending it an air of peace, and Mal closed his eyes and drew a deep brea
Comments
Monday, 28 May 2007 11:17
Okay that's weird, I posted a long comment only for it not to go on the site. Let's try again. Another enthralling installment, though I am not totally convinced that Khiloh is doing what he is doing to save Mal from greater harm, letting that psycho beat on him was pretty intense. I got the feeling he was more afraid for himself than Mal, which while being very human is hardly the same as trying to protect a person he purports to consider a friend.
I really loved the way Mal braced himself mentally, coming out of this bloodied but unbowed which is the way I see him. 'The revenge of the beaten comes in refusing to fall' is a brilliant line, loved that. Glad that Wash finally got out of solitary but am worried about him.
Finally, I see what you are saying about taking Mal into that deep dark place so you can show how he emerges as the man we know and love but we are into 45 chapters now and the darkness and cruelty just goes on and on with seemingly no let which makes me shudder to think of you drawing the angst and pain out for countless more chapters to make your point. I love this story, love your writing, I just don't want it to become so painful that I can't read it any more. This chapter was superb and I will be reading what comes next, just hope you don't break my heart before you bring the whole tale to its' intended ending. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
I really loved the way Mal braced himself mentally, coming out of this bloodied but unbowed which is the way I see him. 'The revenge of the beaten comes in refusing to fall' is a brilliant line, loved that. Glad that Wash finally got out of solitary but am worried about him.
Finally, I see what you are saying about taking Mal into that deep dark place so you can show how he emerges as the man we know and love but we are into 45 chapters now and the darkness and cruelty just goes on and on with seemingly no let which makes me shudder to think of you drawing the angst and pain out for countless more chapters to make your point. I love this story, love your writing, I just don't want it to become so painful that I can't read it any more. This chapter was superb and I will be reading what comes next, just hope you don't break my heart before you bring the whole tale to its' intended ending. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Monday, 28 May 2007 13:32
Jetflair, I don't think your fic is nearly as dark as many others written about pain and torture to show angst. Yours is showing a period of history we know happened to show character development. Different scenario entirely, and not many writers have ventured into this post war territory. It's infinitely more challenging than the "Revenge of Niska" format because we know the end results of your fic - the Mal we know in the series. So you have to explain how Joss and Mal got from point A to B logically. And you're doing it beautifully. No need to apologize - ever.
'The revenge of the beaten comes in refusing to fall.' I love this line and how it sums up Firefly as a series. I love how you framed it as possible divine inspiration. And I'm really enjoying how Sergeant Reynolds is slowly morphing into the person who will be Captain Reynolds. It would have been an eventful learning process, both for the character and the author!
'The revenge of the beaten comes in refusing to fall.' I love this line and how it sums up Firefly as a series. I love how you framed it as possible divine inspiration. And I'm really enjoying how Sergeant Reynolds is slowly morphing into the person who will be Captain Reynolds. It would have been an eventful learning process, both for the character and the author!
Monday, 28 May 2007 13:50
My first comment disappeared too, so here goes the re-write. Very good work here, jetflair! I love the part of Mal that knows that you fight by continuing to exist. This is such a centerpiece of Mal in the series, and I'm glad to see you exploring it here. I was also intrigued by the thought of a re-write to flesh out Khiloh's character, as he has been somewhat confounding to me throughout this fic. I think you write beautifully, and look forward to your next chapter!
Monday, 28 May 2007 14:05
Well, I lost my post too and it was also a long one. I'll try to summarize it.
It's your story. Tell it. The darkness and especially the uncertainty he experienced is what makes Mal Mal. I trust you that he'll emerge from it the Captain that we know and love.
Going from point A to point B in an established characters life, especially with no guidance but your own thoughts is tricky at best. I think you've done a wonderful job of it. Keep it up.
It's your story. Tell it. The darkness and especially the uncertainty he experienced is what makes Mal Mal. I trust you that he'll emerge from it the Captain that we know and love.
Going from point A to point B in an established characters life, especially with no guidance but your own thoughts is tricky at best. I think you've done a wonderful job of it. Keep it up.
Monday, 28 May 2007 14:54
Hey, I got quoted! Cool. ;-)
The scene between Mal and Khiloh was spot on. The reversal of the kindness/cruelty aspect was very well handled. It was *Khiloh* who was more cruel to Mal than Lambert via Khiloh's attempt at kindness through forced submission. Excellent. The aspect of Mal approaching this as a sergeant who's dealt with such men and issues before was really good way to deal with the scene and the character. It brought to the surface a part of the 'real' Mal that the prison and defeat experience had squelched and left floundering.
The new consideration of Wash and his experiences Mal learned of, too, in this chapter added a new level that I'm looking forward to seeing explored.
Mal is coalescing in this chapter. The experiences and uncertainties and sense of being adrift with no foundation within himself or without are starting to fall away as he finds that foundation within the core of himself.
One quibble... You presented Mal as not believing in God. That was never my interpretation of the character from the show. He believes in God, but *rejects* God as having betrayed him. There's a difference. "You're welcome on my boat. God ain't" was Mal's statement to Book. Mal's anger at God is quite keen. That's not something that comes from lack of belief, but from a betrayal of trust. Deciding God did not exist would have Mal angry at himself. But he's not, he's angry at God.
In writing, the the most important element to have in hand is to *know the ending* of the story before you start to write. My "Blue Sun Job" went 145,000 words in 39 chapters yet the *first* scene I wrote was the key ending scene. I think you do know your ending, as well. The path may wander a bit along the way, but I think you have the ending in your sights and are driving toward it. Take your time as need be to get there. I'm not sure it's worth doing a cohesive rewrite of the entire work, unless you want to for the experience of it. As this is a fanfic and therefore not a publishable work, your writing time might be better spent moving along to the next work with the experience of this one under your belt.
The scene between Mal and Khiloh was spot on. The reversal of the kindness/cruelty aspect was very well handled. It was *Khiloh* who was more cruel to Mal than Lambert via Khiloh's attempt at kindness through forced submission. Excellent. The aspect of Mal approaching this as a sergeant who's dealt with such men and issues before was really good way to deal with the scene and the character. It brought to the surface a part of the 'real' Mal that the prison and defeat experience had squelched and left floundering.
The new consideration of Wash and his experiences Mal learned of, too, in this chapter added a new level that I'm looking forward to seeing explored.
Mal is coalescing in this chapter. The experiences and uncertainties and sense of being adrift with no foundation within himself or without are starting to fall away as he finds that foundation within the core of himself.
One quibble... You presented Mal as not believing in God. That was never my interpretation of the character from the show. He believes in God, but *rejects* God as having betrayed him. There's a difference. "You're welcome on my boat. God ain't" was Mal's statement to Book. Mal's anger at God is quite keen. That's not something that comes from lack of belief, but from a betrayal of trust. Deciding God did not exist would have Mal angry at himself. But he's not, he's angry at God.
In writing, the the most important element to have in hand is to *know the ending* of the story before you start to write. My "Blue Sun Job" went 145,000 words in 39 chapters yet the *first* scene I wrote was the key ending scene. I think you do know your ending, as well. The path may wander a bit along the way, but I think you have the ending in your sights and are driving toward it. Take your time as need be to get there. I'm not sure it's worth doing a cohesive rewrite of the entire work, unless you want to for the experience of it. As this is a fanfic and therefore not a publishable work, your writing time might be better spent moving along to the next work with the experience of this one under your belt.
Monday, 28 May 2007 17:36
I can empathise with your feelings regarding "hurting" Mal. I think it's because we invest a little of our soul into what we write, so if it's dark, well, what does that say about us?
Don't worry about it too much, though. As I've said before, POW camps are dark places, not theme parks. You've created a believable post-war world that grabs ahold of the reader. Keep it up.
Rob O.
Don't worry about it too much, though. As I've said before, POW camps are dark places, not theme parks. You've created a believable post-war world that grabs ahold of the reader. Keep it up.
Rob O.
Monday, 28 May 2007 23:05
"The revenge of the beaten comes in refusing to fall."
Honestly? I think you have summed up Mal, the Big Damn Series and the Browncoat fandom in generally with this pithy axiom, jetflair. And that is a sign of some utter genius...can I mooch it to be my profile tagline/quote? Please??
;)
Like Guildsister, I am of the position that Mal has never stopped believing in God. No...a decision like that would have caused Mal to hate himself for a while, but he would have dealt with that anguish and moved on. Mal's relationship with God, I think, is something more akin to a father-son one, with Mal using God and the Bible as a substitute for his own absent father. Serenity Valley is the moment that Mal realized that God was quite fallible - in his own mind - by having all of his beliefs thrown back at him when God seemingly abandons Mal and his men to the Alliance's wrath. Linked with this betrayal is, I think, an underlying sense of self-doubt...a mantra of "Was I not strong enough? Worthy enough? Pious enough? that ran through his head for a while until Mal decided that it was God breaking his covenant rather than Mal being the weak link.
I also have to say that I was seriously impressed with how you handled the Mal-Khiloh conversation about what happened concerning Lambert. I can see Khiloh honestly thinking that telling Mal to lie down was the best way to disarm the situation; Khiloh is a good man, but he's too used to the idea of compliance equalling the end of hostilities against a target...too much belief in the romantic notions about conflict. Mal's comments to Khiloh about the reality of the situation - that Khiloh was subconsciously/inadvertently abused Mal's trust in him by having him lie down so Lambert could go to town - was brilliantly constructed and Khiloh's request to Mal about "being" his sergeant was heartbreaking.
Finally, I have to stop and comment on how you explored Mal's near-breakdown at all the crap that's recently been piled on his plate and how he started to develop a coping mechanism. Mal's status as a POW, along with his interactions with Lee, Khiloh, Lambert and the guys of his housing unit, is really forcing a change in Mal's POV and we are seeing that. The kindness shown to Mal by Lee, Khiloh and the infirmary staff after he was beaten alone would have meant Mal would begin to see the Alliance as something a lot closer to what Simon and Ianra saw it as before they came to reside on Serenity. However, with the guard from the cafeteria and Lambert - along with Straaker when he was being a controlling ass - trying to make Mal's life miserable as humanly possible, Mal is shown that both the Alliance and his own side can have people who are pricks who get off on abusing their power. The eventual development of Mal's skill at evaluating people individually and being pragmatic about their personalities - hiring Jayne by having him double cross his then-current boss, repeatedly taking jobs from Badger when he knows the Dytonian is shifty weasel, working with YoSaffBridge to steal the Lassiter, etc. - begins here and it's gonna be an interesting time as we watch it grow further:)
BEB
Honestly? I think you have summed up Mal, the Big Damn Series and the Browncoat fandom in generally with this pithy axiom, jetflair. And that is a sign of some utter genius...can I mooch it to be my profile tagline/quote? Please??
;)
Like Guildsister, I am of the position that Mal has never stopped believing in God. No...a decision like that would have caused Mal to hate himself for a while, but he would have dealt with that anguish and moved on. Mal's relationship with God, I think, is something more akin to a father-son one, with Mal using God and the Bible as a substitute for his own absent father. Serenity Valley is the moment that Mal realized that God was quite fallible - in his own mind - by having all of his beliefs thrown back at him when God seemingly abandons Mal and his men to the Alliance's wrath. Linked with this betrayal is, I think, an underlying sense of self-doubt...a mantra of "Was I not strong enough? Worthy enough? Pious enough? that ran through his head for a while until Mal decided that it was God breaking his covenant rather than Mal being the weak link.
I also have to say that I was seriously impressed with how you handled the Mal-Khiloh conversation about what happened concerning Lambert. I can see Khiloh honestly thinking that telling Mal to lie down was the best way to disarm the situation; Khiloh is a good man, but he's too used to the idea of compliance equalling the end of hostilities against a target...too much belief in the romantic notions about conflict. Mal's comments to Khiloh about the reality of the situation - that Khiloh was subconsciously/inadvertently abused Mal's trust in him by having him lie down so Lambert could go to town - was brilliantly constructed and Khiloh's request to Mal about "being" his sergeant was heartbreaking.
Finally, I have to stop and comment on how you explored Mal's near-breakdown at all the crap that's recently been piled on his plate and how he started to develop a coping mechanism. Mal's status as a POW, along with his interactions with Lee, Khiloh, Lambert and the guys of his housing unit, is really forcing a change in Mal's POV and we are seeing that. The kindness shown to Mal by Lee, Khiloh and the infirmary staff after he was beaten alone would have meant Mal would begin to see the Alliance as something a lot closer to what Simon and Ianra saw it as before they came to reside on Serenity. However, with the guard from the cafeteria and Lambert - along with Straaker when he was being a controlling ass - trying to make Mal's life miserable as humanly possible, Mal is shown that both the Alliance and his own side can have people who are pricks who get off on abusing their power. The eventual development of Mal's skill at evaluating people individually and being pragmatic about their personalities - hiring Jayne by having him double cross his then-current boss, repeatedly taking jobs from Badger when he knows the Dytonian is shifty weasel, working with YoSaffBridge to steal the Lassiter, etc. - begins here and it's gonna be an interesting time as we watch it grow further:)
BEB
Tuesday, 29 May 2007 21:44
Well, I for one won't stand for any of this hurting Mal stuff.
OK, stop laughing now. Really.
I agree with Katesfriend, you haven't gone as far as some of us. And the thing is - this man has clearly been through bad times. If you had him tap dancing and drinking martinis during his postwar period, then I'd have a problem.
As I've been since you started this, I've very curious about where you intend to go. And I think you'll get there in an entertaining way, with much fascinating character exploration on the way. Lead on Jetflair!
OK, stop laughing now. Really.
I agree with Katesfriend, you haven't gone as far as some of us. And the thing is - this man has clearly been through bad times. If you had him tap dancing and drinking martinis during his postwar period, then I'd have a problem.
As I've been since you started this, I've very curious about where you intend to go. And I think you'll get there in an entertaining way, with much fascinating character exploration on the way. Lead on Jetflair!
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