The Losing Side, chapter 44
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
A very drunk Mal talks to a friend, gets hurt by an enemy, and decides that every question is best answered by the word "nope."
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2873 RATING: 9.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
For once, Mal was glad for the cuffs on his wrists. He was fair certain they were the only thing holding him together; that without something to anchor him in reality, the vortex spinning around him would simply steal him away, ripping him apart like it had the fragments of his world. Numbed to his surroundings by shock and alcohol, he staggered and tried to focus when he felt Khiloh remove the handcuffs. They were standing in a yard somewhere, the cover officer nowhere to be seen. The yard spun, and he closed his eyes.
“Spill,” Khiloh ordered gently. If Mal heard him, it was in a distant corner of his brain that he would only discover minutes later. There was no flicker of reaction or acknowledgement on his face. “Mal,” the guard pressed, “what happened in there? What did Lee say?”
Mal looked at Khiloh dizzily. “That I’m a war criminal.”
Khiloh frowned. If Lee had insulted Mal, he couldn’t fathom why that would affect him so deeply. “And?” he asked, guiding Mal to a bench.
The very intoxicated Mal sat clumsily and blinked as though slightly startled to find a bench under him. “And, they’re fixing to try me as such and slap me with a jail sentence. If I’m all fortunate and well-behaved, I’ll spend here an’ not a place with a name like Misery Heights Penitentiary. Which would be – you know – fun, because I – that’s a funny name, right?”
Khiloh’s heart dropped. “Oh, God,” he whispered. Mal was rambling in utter shock and hardly seemed to hear him. “I’m so sorry.” Khiloh reached out and covered Mal’s hand with his, holding it firmly until he seemed to regain a recognition of his surroundings. When it happened, it happened fast, like a stunned soldier recovering from a devastating attack and moving on.
Mal gripped the edge of the bench hard to steady himself and actually met the guard’s eyes for the first time. “This ain’t – where’s – this ain’t my housing unit,” he observed alertly.
Khiloh blinked. “Ah, no….” He sniffed, and his jaw dropped as things started making slightl
You can't take the sky from me
I've got a problem with this fic, in that a number of people have told me privately that it's too – fluffy – for lack of a better word, that to be realistic I need to make it darker. I have never quite agreed with that, but I wonder if the peer pressure has had some effect?
Mal, of course, does not end up actually serving his sentence – in fact both he and Wash will be free and moving on to happier times *relatively* soon. But….there are some tough times ahead…..he'll pass through it soon enough and all that, but any additional honest opinions on if soon enough is actually soon enough would be welcomed!
Good contrast of humour and pain. That ending ("Nope") had me laughing.
It'll be an interesing ride.
As to the new abuse of Mal in this chapter, it's rather the same way. There's the contrast between this extreme kindness and caring and the equally extreme cruelty and abuse. Khiloh--somewhat psychotically desperate to be nice--on the one extreme, and Lambert--psychotically and seemingly randomly cruel--on the other extreme. They're the extremes Mal and the others are having to deal with, along with their own extremes (Mal's own behavior and thoughts range toward both ends of the spectrum, too, with nothing neutral in the middle). This is, in short, the basis of the story you're telling, and IT WORKS.
You do have a middle ground in people, events, and characters, in your story, but it's in the shadows, transluscent and hard to see, yet there. This also works for the story, for you're not telling a tale of even-keel moderation, casual indifference, or well-adjusted people, but of extremes.
A motivation on Lambert's part for his sudden abuse of Mal was something I felt was lacking in this chapter. Then, upon reflection, I think the lack of apparent motivation is a key element to this sort of event working for the story. We don't know, and Mal doesn't know, when, where, or from whom sudden bursts of hatred and cruelty will come, just as he doesn't know where bits of kindness might appear. It's the puppy scenario--kick a puppy one day and pet him the next and the poor thing will go pyscho.
In the chapters that are--or *seem*--light and fluffly, somewhat goofy even, I see another set of carefully set-up extremes of contrast. Wash is in full denial mode and sometimes Mal joins him. Then the dark extremes smack them again. Don't stop what you're doing with this tale. Don't try to moderate or lessen either the light or dark extremes--they're what make the tale work so well.
Were you to rewrite this entire work after it's completed, as a whole, complete novel, I suspect you'd weave the elements and reactions I described above in a bit more flowing way. I certainly know it's well within your writing and storytelling capability to do so. You'd probably also cut out scenes and trim for length. But in this serial format it's hard to do, posting chapters one-by-one. Were I reading this as a complete novel, I'd expect that sort of writing, but this is not that sort of reading experience. This is a serial presentation and I regard it as such, with each new chapter adding elements to the story.
As ever, I'm enjoying this tale immensely and look forward to each new installment.
As Khiloh tells Mal, Wash has learned how to trick himself into accepting his imprisonment and when reality comes a'callin'? It seriously disrupts his coping mechanism. And Khiloh himself has latched onto the prisoners under his care as a way of regaining a sense of control over his own life. Both of these reactions are plausible and realistic...just as Lambert being a certifiable psychopath when it comes to Browncoat prisoners. Hell, he might even beat on Alliance prisoners since they would have disgraced the uniform or something:(
Having never spent time in a POW camp, I can't say if you're being too fluffy or not. Certainly, the chapters where it's mainly Mal, Wash and the rest of their housing unit, things seem almost surreal. Mal feeding Wash's delusional methodology at times and the other shenanigans by Mal & co. show a side that people probably wouldn't think possible when one is locked up.
All I really say is right how you want to write. Go dark when the story needs to and slather on the fluff when the moment arises. You're the author here;)
BEB
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