Jayne staggered in late for breakfast, pulling back a chair with a loud scrape and wincing. He sat down beside Mal at the dining table with a loud groan, scratching the back of his head as he grabbed a cup of coffee.

Aside from that, the mercenary was unusually silent, and Mal had learned through bitter experience that unusual and Jayne were a bad combination. “Uh – Jayne? Anything you might want to mention to us?” asked the captain.

“Uh – “ Jayne’s brow wrinkled in the manner of a man trying to recall just how excessive his drunken excesses had been. “Mal, think I might’ve bought a planet.”

Mal’s mouth fell open unbidden, but not a sound escaped from it as his eyes blinked repeatedly. The assortment of gasps and giggles from the rest of the crew filled in for him rather neatly.

“A planet? You – bought – a planet?” asked Inara.

“A whole planet? How’d you get to be – Jayne, you ain’t rich enough to go and do a thing like that,” said Kaylee.

“I hope it’s Persephone,” said Wash with a dreamy expression on his face.

“I – reckon that’s what I did,” said Jayne. “Weren’t overly expensive, tell you the truth.”

“Persephone wasn’t?” asked Wash.

“Ah….let’s go back to you buyin’ a planet,” said Mal. “You don’t just buy a planet, Jayne.”

“May I inquire as to what kind of alcohol it was you were drinking last night?” asked Simon. “Some – more disreputable beverages have been know to – have hallucinatory effects, it’s quite possible that –“

Jayne snorted. “The alcohol mighta had something to do with my partin’ with all the coin I was savin’ up to buy me a love bot, but this wasn’t no hallucination.”

“A love bot?” asked Wash, blinking his eyes in imitation of the captain’s dazed stare. “This day is getting really fun.”

“Okay,” said Mal, pressing his palms flat against the table. “Okay. Let’s have a lot less questions and a lot more explainin.’ Jayne?”

The big man sighed and leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. “Bought it in an auction, on the cortex. L