Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

Golden Scars

Friday, September 29, 2006

Written for a prompt at LJ Community, ff_friday: A Scar. I really need feedback on this, because I feel I fell short on this, but don't know how or why. Let me know if you like it, too. I could be getting paranoid and grumpy.
Thanks!

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2771    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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The scars on Malcolm Reynolds body read like a topographical timeline of his life. A childhood fall onto a woodpile, shrapnel from his first tour of duty, Atherton Wing’s sword. All of these scars marked important events that impacted on both his life and his skin.

Inara Serra’s body was perfect. Save for one birthmark on her upper left thigh, her skin was smooth and unmarked.

Then again, the most painful scars are often the ones that can’t be seen.

When Inara saw Mal leaving Nandi’s room in the early morning hours, dressing as he went, her heart cracked. Joy and light poured out, leaving pain and jealousy behind.

“So you’re okay?” He had asked.

She had lied to him that day, not that it was anything new but watching how embarrassed and concerned he was for her feelings closed the gash enough to keep her heart from breaking outright.

Later that day, above Serenity’s cargo bay, Inara evened the score.

“I’m leaving.”

Two words split Mal’s already wounded heart clear down the middle. The look of pain and the tears in her eyes cauterized his wound just enough to keep his heart from disappearing entirely, once and for all.

From then on, whenever they were near to each other, their hearts ached with a sensation neither one of them could fully explain, nor knew the other felt.

Two imperfect hearts silently calling for each other, looking for it’s other half.

Two damaged hearts aching to be made whole.

Comments
Friday, 29 September 2006 14:27
I really liked this. I especially liked the sentence, "Two words split Mal's already wounded heart clear down the middle." That is what I saw when I watched the episode. It was SO sad!!!!
Friday, 29 September 2006 14:58
I really like this - I don't think you fell short at all - you managed to capture in few words the pain of both of those moments, one from Mal's POV and one from Inara's.

Beautifully written!
Friday, 29 September 2006 18:47
:Sobs: That was....perfect. REally perfect.
Friday, 29 September 2006 19:40
Beautifully put in a nutshell though it did strike me as kind of odd after thinking about that episode that Inara got so upset about Mal being with Nandi for the night when she goes with strangers all the time for money. Nandi was actually paying Mal in kind for fighting for her and the Heart of Gold. So really Inara should not have taken it so much to heart. I also think Jayne may have used up their credit and put them in debit. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Friday, 29 September 2006 20:07
Oh...this is far from being something that fell short, Girlaskew. Far, far, from that;)

Definitely love the "heartbreaks with a twist" motif you got going on here...how their hearts break in the same episode but are saved from complete emotional destruction because of their mutual desire to not hurt each other intentionally:D

BEB
Friday, 29 September 2006 20:42
Simple, yet effective M/I POV from HOG.

It's the subtle things like, "tears in her eyes" and "concern in his voice", that keep this two from completely breaking. You've conveyed that nicely here.

To say that Inara shouldn't be hurt or jealous because she's a prostitute devalues her as a person. Isn't that what Mal does when he calls her a whore?
Saturday, 30 September 2006 14:22
This was so nicely done...

At the end of "Heart of Gold", Mal was finally ready to admit what he had been holding back for so long, and Inara cut him off at the knees because she just couldn't do it.

And Mal and Nandi actually did make a connection, and Inara knew it--that's why she cried, not because of the physical act they shared, but because she knew it actually did mean something, unlike when she took to bed with clients.

You captured all that beautifully in a short piece.
Tuesday, 03 October 2006 16:00
That woodpile wouldn't happpen to be behind a swinging bench, would it? ;)

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