Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

From Bad to Worse, pt 10

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Thrilling heroics ensue.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 3642    RATING: 9.0 (G)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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This is the first story that I have finished (aside from the one-shots, which by definition were finished when I wrote them). I hope that anyone out there reading these has enjoyed them, and I do still plan to write a two chapter epilogue, mostly fun and games and spending the money and most likely a naked beach, though it will have to happen after DragonCon due to the impromptu training this week.

- - - - -

pt 01,pt 02,pt 03,pt 04,pt 05,pt 06,pt 07,pt 08,pt 09

- - - - -

Time seemed to stand still as everyone became aware of their surroundings. Amos had been trying to open the cuffs holding Tom to the bulkhead as Anya covered both of them, but each of them stared on in surprised silence when they saw Commander Harley exit the room with their leader and friend at knifepoint. At the opposite end of the room, Mal had a similar look on his face as Zoe and Jayne looked on stoically.

"You're all in some pretty serious goushi, you know," Harley bellowed, the tip of the fine blade piercing the skin of Claire's jawline. "Assaulting and murdering thirty federal soldiers, not to mention theft, embezzlement, and treason. As of right now, you are all bound by law to stand down."

"You can't honestly think you're walking away from this, Ryan," Claire gritted out through clenched teeth. "The longer you hold me here just gives my friends more chances to find their shot."

"No, the longer I hold you here, the less time there is before my other three patrol boats arrive to take us all for a nice ride back to my base." At this revelation Zoe and Mal exchanged concerned looks, each returning their gaze to the situation in from of them as their brains scrambled to form a viable plan. "I im

Comments
Thursday, 31 August 2006 17:57
> "Darlin', we've gotta go. It was nice seein' you and all, but next time, why don't we just exchange letters?"

LOL! I loved this remark so much.

This might be a little thing amidst the scope of the story, but I really liked the description of the Alliance' thruster technology and how they use it to escape.

And the Screamin' Nazi maneuver was just great. This story was good and entertaining. Looking forward to reading an epilogue.

Have fun at Dragon Con!
Friday, 01 September 2006 13:24
Really loved this part a whole lot and so glad our Big Damn Heroes escaped. I was half expecting Claire to pull something nasty on them even though Mal and company saved her butt. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Monday, 04 September 2006 03:05
Excellent stuff here and throughout the series, River..Goddess:D

BEB
Saturday, 23 September 2006 21:26
Mal looked from the Commander and Claire over to the other end of the room. Amos had taken the slight distraction Claire had created talking to Harley to free Tom, and now all three of them had guns trained on them. Mal's eyes widened at the efficiency with which they attempted to turn the tables, looking out of the corner of his eye for his own mercenary, who had taken up a position at the top of the stairs, covering both the cargo bay and the side of the infirmary.~~Liking this tasty visualization, the strangers again doing things just right and Mal admiring 'em for it. Nice view of skill recognizing skill in others. :0)

Yep, you rock at this sort of dialogue: "Harley turned slightly to face Mal, a sneer coming to his lips. "You're Browncoat scum, all of you. Your lives are worth even less than they were before, though we should've killed you off of every world spinning, that would have ended the war and your pathetic broken existences for certain. As it is now, I get to have the pleasure of making sure every one of you cowardly inbred pisspots has a miserable existence before offing you."~~ I especially loved "off of every world spinning." And, ummmm, as a Browncoat, I took mucho offense at Harley's sneering at us, lol. Odd, but a good indicator of how well you write that that emotion came at me.

Evil suspense well-done: "Mal squinted his eyes, making sure his aim would be true, and a split second later seven shots echoed through the cramped confines of the ship's common area."~~ and then you cut to Wash's observations, dang you! (I like how you did that.)

Nice Mal speech, though I'm not sure sometimes at how formal he sounds in certain parts: ""Let me tell you a little about the Alliance's thruster technology. When they have those high powered boosters on, their handling goes all to hell. No matter how good the pilot is, they cannot do anything more than a wide circle to come around. If we can somehow get behind them, it should be no problem to get us into space. Think you can do it?" ~~I figure I do that too, coloring the BDHs dialogue a bit formally because I'm trying hard to make a point they're trying to say. Mal's tough to write and you do him good.

And nice Wash: "Watch me." Wash reached above his head, flicking three adjacent switches."

Hated to see this series end, but I can stand to hear some more in the epilogue. Something about naked beaches and fun? (Those two would seem to go together.)

Congrats on finishing your first complete story. You done good, River.

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