From Bad to Worse, pt 06
Thursday, August 17, 2006
The fighting is ended for now, though revenge is on more than one person's mind.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3631 RATING: 9.0 (G) SERIES: FIREFLY
[ Kyle’s mom ]
Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty woids!
[ / Kyle’s mom ]
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Jayne grabbed the man’s bloodied and useless hand in his own good one, squeezing relentlessly as he forced the air from his lungs with his massive knees. The scream that escaped the sergeant’s lips turned into a rushing exhale of air, followed by a slight gasp as no air was allowed back in. The massive weight of Jayne on his chest was causing immense strain on his organs and ribcage, his eyes bulging out of his skull due to lack of oxygen. As little black dots began to cloud his vision, he felt the instantaneous relief as his lungs automatically drew in breath when the weight was removed from his chest.
The side of the large mercenary’s wounded hand came down hard on the prone man’s throat, immediately bruising and dislocating the majority of the cartilage and muscles used to output sounds. The hand itself was mostly covered in blood, a large hole through the flesh and bone at the base of the thumb. Jayne then made a fist with the hand, slugging the man across the face with a left hook.
“Jayne, what the hell are you doing?”
“Just...” he brought his right elbow down hard into the sergeant’s stomach, causing him to reflexively curl into a fetal position, “teaching…” his right fist slammed into the man’s back and left kidney several times, resulting in an arching of his back against the pain, “him...” Jayne stood up, stretching out the other man’s leg before bringing his heavy booted foot down on his calf, easily snapping the bone there, “some...” using his good hand, he pounded on the man’s torso several times, crushing the man’s ribs and organs into the cold deck of the bridge, feeling several ribs crack as he di
Really loved Book's conversation with Inara. You get him down real well.
Ahh, he turned his back on Claire. . . stupid, stupid Mal!
How cool is that. See I knew that he would (given our shared guidelines of the fic) but I wasn't expecting it at that moment. Sweet!!!!
I had a hard time actually reading the Jayne beating someone to death, way to brutal for my mental images to process. I laughed pretty hard at the manners thing too though. SOOO funny.
It's really great how you're layering in tidbits and glimpses into Book's past. It's really intresting, and you're doing it in a way that's remaining completely true to character.
Can't wait for part 7!!!!
Excellent description of Jayne's pummeling of the fed into the "cold deck", each word was well and vividly written, so much so that I had trouble reading it, which speaks highly for the skill you have for this. You always bring us the best violence...
Zoe covering the area "in case they had a straggler that decided to try to be a hero."-- great tie-in to the BDM, always like seeing those. I liked Zoe not having sympathy for the dying fed in jayne's grip, but also liked her sympathy for the guy's 18 year old past self. I didn't have sufficient dislike for the hapless man, though, to enjoy watching him die in such a slow and horrible manner by the hands of one of my favorite BDH's. If he'd been a real baddie I could get behind it better, but that's just me. And I know, I know: Jayne ain't a tame housecat and he DOES enjoy the killin'. No doubt about it, he could and would do it just this way, shot-up hand delivering the blows without even feeling the pain. You did good on the scene.
Excellent change of scene with this bit: "Book felt the hard banking as Wash changed trajectory once again,.." Nice literary work.
Love this inara line: “Boring and routine clientele pruning." Clever of you, and in character for her.
Liked Book's ruminations, and figure he mighta been pondering his own soul still needing saving, based on his prior thoughts in the scene.
"Zoe..alertly but casually leaning on the railing.." This is exactly how she comports herself, River. Dead on and I was glad to see her portrayed so.
"Mal was thankful to whatever anal retentive bureaucrat it was who decided to inscribe officers’ names on their issued equipment." Clever of Mal to use the guy's name, and I like his thoughts of gratitude for fed rules.
Great job on Mal's response to "browncoat scum", biting back a damaging retort. Also great job on Mal replying about Claire while the devil-cat is standing right there glaring at him out of "green eyes aflame." Nice!
Liked, too, Mal's brushing her off. Sets him up for the butt-shot at the end of the story.
Good take on Mal's reaction to standard fed policy: "These morons really had no clue about combat situations, trusting the word of a superior officer as if it were divine law passed down by the god of all the heavens himself."
LOL @ Jayne wanting some more action, though his head and gorram hand are freshly bandaged. Yeah, he would defintely still be raring to go. And I could very well see Mal's grin of understanding directed toward Jayne. Nice work.
River, there is a shortage of perfect arses in the world, it was a shame for you to damage Mal's. But I forgive you for it, since this whole gorram story is so well done. Gonna have another part published before I see you at D*C in around 12 days?
And I too could totally see Jayne just ignoring the hole in his hand and just wailing on the Alliance sergeant with great relish:D
BEB
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