Title: Battered Dreams

Author: Ana Sedai

Rating: PG

Character(s): Mal

Prompt: 003 - Daydreams

Word Count: 995

A/N: 20/100 for Mal/River Joss100. Oh, and I have no idea of the name of Mal’s hometown, so I just made one up.

Summary: Mal remembers youthful hopes.

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There was a time when Mal had been able to see himself with a wife, children, and the whole rest of the mess. He’d even had the girl all picked out: Jenny Mitchell, a blond, green-eyed angel from the ranch next door. As far as twelve-year-old Mal had been concerned, there was no more beautiful creature in all the ‘verse, nor one more caring and sweet. His opinion hadn’t wavered over the next seven years.

The day before he’d shipped out for basic, he’d given her a ring, a kiss, and a promise that he’d be back in time for the wedding next summer. She had just smiled at him bravely, tears hanging in her eyes. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Mal Reynolds.” She’d cupped his cheek and kissed him one last time, and he’d forced himself out the door before he changed his mind and stayed.

He wasn’t back by the next summer, or the one after that.

Three years after leaving her behind in a sunlit kitchen on Shadow, Mal heard of the Alliance’s attack on his planet. The burnings, the shootings. He scanned the lists of casualties until his eyes hurt. He told himself that her family would’ve gotten out, that she was safe, that his Ma was safe. But he still read the lists.

And then, one day, he felt his heart stop in his chest. Jennifer Mitchell, 20, Waterston. She was gone. His angel was gone. He wanted to throw up. Numbly, he handed the list to the man next to him, whose eyes had the same feverishly desperate look that his own had had not two minutes ago. He made his way to his bunk, jaw clenched so tightly it was a wonder he didn’t crack any teeth. He lay down and didn’t move until role call the next morning.

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