Title: Cliff’s Edge

Author: Ana Sedai

Rating: PG

Character(s): River

Prompt: 071 - Fall

Word Count: 701

A/N: 17/100 for Mal/River Joss100.

Summary: An introspective piece (yes, another one) on falling, dreams, and waiting.

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Before Miranda, River had had no way to block anyone out. As Simon had said, she felt everything . Sometimes, late at night when she hadn’t been able to sleep, she would close her eyes and try to imagine falling down, down, down into blackness, silent and still. Somewhere where there were no chattering thoughts or angry regrets or bitter nightmares. She’d wanted to lose herself in that blackness, become one with it, never have to come out and try to pretend that she could ever get better. All gone now, goodbye.

It had been easier to hold herself together during the day. Everyone was usually so focused on a particular task or busy with other people, and when she could she would focus on those whose thoughts were the least jarring. Kaylee’s in particular had been a balm to her psyche, like diving in a warm lake on a bright sunny day. However brightly she had shone during the day, though, at night Kaylee had always been drowned out by others.

Book, as disciplined and calm as he appeared, had memories of fire and death that haunted his dreams, covered by a veil of shame. Jayne, always so brash and noisy in every way, was no less angry in sleep than he was when awake. Zoe, fortunately, always had her husband to wrap herself around when her nightmares began growling at the door, but while they lasted they were hazed by red and thunder.

And then there had been Mal.

Instead of pounding against her brain with brute force, his dreams had slid in like a knife blade of pain. To have believed so deeply, and to have been crushed so utterly, set up an echo in his psyche that resonated in hers in a way none of the others’ ever had. Harmonics , she’d thought.