The Games Men Play Part 3
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Jayne is now fully aware that he has been dressed up in lingere and lace, and makes his way to the dining room where Mal, Simon, and the girls wait. Feedback is ALWAYS welcome!
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2641 RATING: 9.0 (PG) SERIES: FIREFLY
Jayne stood in the doorway to the dining room, angry blood welling up inside him as Mal, Simon, and the girls laughed. In his haste to find who was behind his ridiculous outfit, he had completely forgot to take the bra off his chest. The sight of the crew laughing in his face created visions in his head of him doing violence to all of them. Never good about thinking before he acted, Jayne reached to his right pant leg and grabbed the knife from his pocket.
Bringing the blade swiftly up to his chest, he cut the middle of the bra, causing it to snap back around his sides, spilling its lacy contents on the deck. As he did, Mal hastily got up from his chair, grabbing for his sidearm.
“Jayne Cobb, don’t you take one step closer, this was all for fun!” The captain yelled, finally realizing that Jayne would probably never understand. Jayne continued forward.
“So it was YOU, Mal! what the GORRAM HELL are you trying to prove!?” Jayne’s increasing anger was evident in every muscle as he slowly made his way towards the captain. “And YOU!” Jayne continued, glancing towards Simon. “I suppose you're completely innocent!”
“Jayne! Hold on, it was a joke! The captain and I just wanted to have a little fun with you!” Simon pleaded. He wasn’t sure how they would be able to calm him. “Jayne! We have pictures, if you don’t calm down and let it go, I’ll see they get to Mr. Universe!”
“GORRAM PICTURES?” Jayne screamed. “You aren’t gonna have TIME to send no pictures, DOC!” Jayne’s movement now slowed and he turned his attention to the doctor, who had made his way to stand between Jayne and River.
In the back of the room Kaylee and Inara stared nervously, hoping to remain anonymous. “And I suppose you all had nothing to do with this!?” Jayne barked at Inara.
“Don’t look at ME, Jayne; River, Kaylee and myself weren’t even here, Mal took the stuff from my shuttle,” Inara said, giving Mal a look of disgust. “I told you Jayne wouldn’t take this lightly.”
“All I know is I aim to visit violence on
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First off, I love the name of this series. Yeah. It rocks. Insight into the minds of boys at play? Sign me up for some more. Always have been fascinated at that, at the way mens' minds work when they're conniving practical jokes, and the byplay of this theme as it applies to our BigDamnHeroes is shiny as heck, the way you give it to us.
Second, on to the fic, gonna quote a mini-story version of it here to show you how amazingly well it flows:
"Bringing the blade swiftly up to his chest, he cut the middle of the bra, causing it to snap back around his sides, spilling its lacy contents on the deck. As he did, Mal hastily got up from his chair, grabbing for his sidearm."
"The sight of the crew laughing in his face created visions in his head of him doing violence to all of them. Never good about thinking before he acted, Jayne reached to his right pant leg and grabbed the knife from his pocket. "
"“GORRAM PICTURES?” Jayne screamed. “You aren’t gonna have TIME to send no pictures, DOC!”
“All I know is I aim to visit violence on someone, and right now, I don’t care who!” Jayne screamed back, making his way closer to Simon."
And then you take my Jayne into the depths of sad despair and I can't help but be a little angry at you for it, but also quick to forgive you for hurting him since you do it so frackin' well:
"Jayne stopped in his tracks, his anger was peaking, but his lingering hangover was beginning to resurface. His arm dropped and he leaned against a chair by the table. “Why’d you do this to me?” His voice now noticeably shaking."
And Mal worried that Jayne might "visit violence" on he and Simon? Spacie: That phrase is quite firefly-esque, so Mal-like, perfectly done. *kiss*
Now let's talk about your Bookness.
“Yes, but a man’s dignity is something that once damaged, is not easily repaired.” You write him like a little bit of the Shepherd lives inside of you, it's that apropos, all his words ring loud as a bell of authenticity. I could stand to read some more of Book as told by Spacie. Would you see what you can do to make that so?
As for Jayn, one of the things I love about your making him speak and think is how simply he reads, yet how charming and artless at the same time: "Jayne....his conscious always at the front of his mind when he spoke with Book. “I just wanna get my revenge somehow, but I usually get revenge with guns, knives, torture….” Yeah, Baby, exactly so. Jayne's head would be clearer, crystal, in fact, when he has Book before him. He trusts Book implicitly, as they all do. And then you let my Boy itemize his usual implementation plans for revenge. I laughed aloud, that was SO purely Jayne. If actually presages the line in the BDM when Jayne tells about the reasons he'll kill a man..." in a fair fight, or if I THINK he's gonna start a fair fight,..." etc. And then at the end of this fic part you give us: "“Don’t look half bad.” He thought to himself, swinging his hips back and forth. ", and you have the BDH stuff the thong inside his footlocker; maybe for somebody to accidentally discover later? Mmmmm, could be! Gods, I love your writing, Spaceful. Only thing gorram wrong with it is there ain't near enough of it in the 'verse. Give me more, hear? I'm needful.
By the way, Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown, Jayne Cobb would SHOOT anybody who was so spineless as to not offer his own opinion, deciding instead to piggyback on somebody else's. When an author gets an auto-reply from fff. net that says somebody left them feedback and they click on it to find "what the duck said" as a comment? Sheesh! What the HECK?
And duck? We've been through this idea before, you and I, but it bears repeating: It's perfectly okay to have an opinion of your own, but the important thing about being a courteous human being, let ALONE a fellow-writer on this site, i
<“Yes, but a man’s dignity is something that once damaged, is not easily repaired.”> --- perfect book line
fav line: <“Don’t look half bad.” He thought to himself, swinging his hips back and forth.> :D
I wonder what Jayne's going to scheme up for pay back...and whether Book is going to help him...
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