Hunt for the Secret Hidey Place of Nice Boys
POSTED BY: mai
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 30, 2006 17:49
VIEWED: 58403
PAGE 21 of 28
Oh the "She-Woman Man Hater's Club" that's perfect. In fact, I think I will go and start a whole new thread entitled just that...
or not.
Just so everyone knows, I started this thread for fun. You remember fun, right? That thing where people laugh and smile and enjoy the thread that they are taking part in. There is no reason to get your panties in a wad when other people having differing views than your own. If you don't like what's being written don't read it.
If you feel the need to express your opinion there is a way to go about doing such without being a twit.
~one of the whores.
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
One of my biggest issues is people (not just men) who did things because they think they are supposed to, not because they want to, but because they think this is the way it works. It feel manipulated and ridiculous.
I had an ex-boyfriend who got married because all of his friends were getting married and having kids and he felt left out. It reminds me of the Sex and the City skit where Miranda tells Charlotte that men are taxis that run around with their lights off until one day they turn their lights on and the next woman that they pick up, they marry.
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A while back one of my friends was shocked to hear that I had never cohabitated with a man. I didn't think this was that strange, I've never even considered moving in with a man (then again I've dated like 2, maybe 3 men in the last 5 years so it's more likely a numberss issue). My theory is I see a lot of people who date, move in with each other, and that's it. I have 2 male friends who've lived with their girlfriends going on 3+ years and don't want to marry them, they still think there might be someone else out there for them. Which to me is a huge OMG! Break the fuck up, cos you are just stringing each other along. I don't get that. Get married or break up don't stay cos it's easy and convienent while you wait for the next best thing!
I've met women woh live with a man to see if they can cohabitate together as husband and wife. Then, they get frustrated and angry because they can live together but he's not proposing because he doesn't see the need for a ring and a ceremony when they're already living together. Eventually, the woman comes to her senses and moves out.
I won't cohabitate with a man because of the above mentioned situation. I don't want to get stuck in that situation.
I also wouldn't cohabitate with a man because it's more difficult to put distance between the two of you when your names are both on the lease and his stuff and your stuff share the same space. When I break up with a boyfriend, I want to be able to go home and not have him be there.
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It's a Saturday night and here I am, on the Firefly board, reading blogs, and pretty damn satisfied. I'd love a partner in crime, but right now I'm feeling pretty okay just with me.
I'm feeling okay too. I'm even contemplating my future alone. Right now, I'm thinking about finishing my credential, paying off my student loans and facing the daunting task of coming up with a big enough down payment to buy a condo in Los Angeles. Pretty full plate.
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Also, there are lots of guys out there who don't want kids. My best friend married one, neither of them want a passel of ankle biters, they have 2 dogs and 3 cats and that's a big enough menagerie for them. Just keep your hopes up and keep your eyes peeled. I currently live in an area where if you are single at 25+ and not already through your first divorce with at least 2 kids you are a freak of nature (they are breeders up here in Wausau, BREEDERS I say!), and every guy I have met has kids, and I don't really want someone elses baggage. I don't want to deal with offspring that didn't come out of me (and even so I only want one, and it will be well behaved and very much loved and attented upon as opposed to these people with a herd of kids with ADD), and that fact alone can't get me a date.
There should be a dating service for people who don't want kids. I'd use it. I'm happy with my pets. I have some ADHD kids in my classes. They're not fun to deal with. I wouldn't want to have one in my house.
"You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals."--George Mikes
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I've never lived with a man I was dating. It's bad business. No clean breaks. No way to go to your corner and reflect when you need alone time. And yeah, folks, not just the men, get into the rut of, 'hey we're living together, why get married?'
I want kids. More than one. That puts me on a different playing field. I know a lot of men that don't want kids. Luckily, I've managed to find a nice guy that is pretty sure he wants more than one.
I suggest searching at conventions, electronics stores, and parties hosted by a close friend…or maybe a sci-fi website. I tend to find guys of similar interests in those environments.
www.thatweirdgirl.com
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"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"
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I don’t know where the nice guys are. I’ve never been one, and they’ve never told me. Also I don’t care.
I'm not really adding anything to this discussion, but for some reason it has grown to over 200 replies and I just felt left out.
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Qui desiderat pacem praeparet bellum.
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memo from the secret hidey place of not so bad not egosentric enough to call myself nice, guys: "where are all the nice girls?"
On a good day, hell can look alot like LA.-Playing God
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
Sucks when you percieve yourself as not good enough, yet better than most others at the same time, doesn't it? See above conflicting simutainous views. The love yourself bit. Hard to do when you can't find anything inside worthy of it....yet so many people around you do. What are they seeing that you don't? I'm there. My love battery is running low, I gave a lot out without getting recharged.
Yeah, conflicting views are rough, eh? Sometimes I think I get what people see in me, but it's often vague and elusive.
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on a final note: The whole nice guys finish last thing. Well yeah. They always make sure she finishes first.
So true...but women tend not to want that. They want the guy to compete with them, to be a challenge. That's the whole hard to get allure (which I certainly don't get).
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Originally posted by XeroGravity:
If you are a man and you whine about how women broke your heart, guess what. You are in the process of growing a spine.
...
Ladies... we just wanna get laid. Slide inside with no complications. We're cold, emotionless, and after one thing.
When I read this I came to the conclusion that you were being humorous, but if you're not I disagree. I have a "spine," unless my perception of a spine is different from yours. And I'm certainly not emotionless. I don't want to just get laid. Sure, sex is a wonderful thing, but only if it's shared with someone you care deeply about (preferrably love). That's one of my biggest difficulties with women. I discount so many based on the fact that I know they've slept with someone they weren't attached to. That is something I'm working on changing (with the knowledge that people change, and perhaps that lovely young lady isn't like that anymore). My views on sex (even something as "innocent" as kissing) are very strict...but I say once there's a commitment go for broke and do whatever craziness in the bedroom you want. So does that make me traditionalist in my views on sex or not?
Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
I have high self-esteem, but even so it's hard to convince myself to keep fighting
...
Also, I totally Agree with you KayleeWannaBe about the whole 'man who wants to take care of me, because he knows he doesn't have to.'
Imagine how hard it is for someone with low self esteem :p It's nice to know that at least some women feel that way. I've found few greater joys than taking care of my previous gf's, but they often bristled at it. They were too independant, maybe.
Quote:
A while back one of my friends was shocked to hear that I had never cohabitated with a man. I didn't think this was that strange, I've never even considered moving in with a man (then again I've dated like 2, maybe 3 men in the last 5 years so it's more likely a numberss issue).
Hmm, I've only had two relationships, and I lived with both of them. It does make the break messy. I'm still missing many things I know I'll never get back (i miss my favorite hat :( ), but I can't imagine not living with the other person. It's even more tough when kids are involved. Now I know this is crazy, but I moved in with my last gf within a month of the time I started seeing her, and she had a daughter of 5 years. It wasn't long before I became Dad (a title which no boyfriend had had, including her past relationship of 3 years). I miss that little girl. I often find myself thinking about her, because she was mine. It only makes it worse that I worked the same place as this ex gf of mine, on opposite shifts, so I had to see her every single day. That makes for a hard break, especially when they see fit to show you pictures of the girl and talk about her like you don't know anything about her.
Quote:
It's a Saturday night and here I am, on the Firefly board, reading blogs, and pretty damn satisfied. I'd love a partner in crime, but right now I'm feeling pretty okay just with me.
I'm usually pretty comfort
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There are no nice girls, we're all whores and harpies, didn't you get the memo? (J/K) We are all over this thread!!!
BTW: I am not a man-hater. I love men, all my friends are men (except 2 girls who are so anti-girl it's not funny), I just don't get men (but I'm still trying).
VistingMyIntentions: Go ahead, live with someone you aren't sure you're going to marry, but don't just stay together because it's easier than not. I know of some people who've ended up all 'happily ever after' after living together so it's totally possible. But I also know a lot of cohabitating dating people who are MISERABLE and who want out, but they have been living this way so long they are scared to go back out on their own, so they stay. That is lame IMHO. Grow a pair, reclaim your spine and venture out! It's way harder to get out when all your stuff is comingled and you are on the lease (as mentioned by Bruisersmom and ThatWierdGirl).
XeroGravity: Thanks apparently now I'm some sort of deep antisocial freak because I'm not with someone I don't like just because being alone is not noble? You make no sense! Man-whore is funny, but works, if I find something better, I'll let you know.
ThatWeirdGirl: Thanks for the suggestions. I went to a Buffy Con once, there were 4 guys there, 3 of them were gay (like it was gonna be a man-fest). It was very upsetting (but they were totally fun!). I think the cons thing works better if you live somewhere where they constantly occur, like California. Bumble-srew Wisconsin ain't cuttin' it on that front. ;)
Mai: Sorry if I made this un-fun. I still think it's a fun thread cos it's one of those things where you realize everyone is so in the same boat as you!!
LightMeDark: I totally agree with you on the 'either you know you will be together or not.' I don't get staying with someone you don't think you might want to be with forever. It seems trite to me as well. Maybe we're old-fashioned. I just don't see the point in dating to date, isn't the ultimate goal to find someone you want to be with? Eventually you know that to be true or not, if it is not, then why string it along? It seems so fake to me, so unfair to the other person. It's like dating so you aren't alone, it's stupid and selfish. If this person isn't the one, then cut them loose so both of you can find that special someone. I always wonder if after these relationships break up the people in them wonder if they missed out on 'the one' while they were with 'the one for right now.' Again that's just me and my old fuddy duddy ways.
Don't discount women who have slept around. I have slept with people I didn't love, but all of them still meant something to me. Then again I've never had a one night stand so I'm probably in the minority. I've slept with my friends (who then became lovers) but that doesn't make me slutty cos they were important men to me, and still are. One of them just broke my heart and I'm still friends with him cos if that's all I can have I guess it'll have to be enough. So I'm glad you are getting over judging this cos a lot of times girls get suckered into sleeping with guys (it happens, even to the smart ones), or think that putting out will get them somewhere with a man when it doesn't. It doesn't mean they were whores.
Bwah!
-old fuddy duddy
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http://pluralofapocalypse.blogspot.com
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Inara: "Do aliens live among us?"
Kaylee: "Yes. One of them's a doctor."
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just trying to bring a little levity to the thread, also its not false modesty
i'm an ok guy, but i'm known to be a self-serving a**hole, i just don't reviere myself enough to think i'm a great catch
On a good day, hell can look alot like LA.-Playing God
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Sorry guys and girls, let me clarify.
[BlackEyedGirl wrote:
Quote:
Sorry if I made this un-fun.
You haven't made it un fun at all. I completely agree it is nice to know that there are other people who are sharing in these similar frustrations.
I wasn't trying to say that people shouldn't discuss the "nice" boy/girl thing in a serious manner. As much fun as we like to poke at the opposite sex, relationships can be a very touchy (oh for goodness sakes, get your mind out of the gutter!) subject for some people. I do whole-heartedly agree that being single is better than being in a relationship just for the sake of being in one and being miserable with that person. Being single is also better if your merely in love with the [italics]idea[/italics] of being in love. If you think that being single makes you week or freakish, I'd say you've got more complicated issues. There is a big difference in being alone and feeling lonely.
Xero, if you were attempting to be funny with your posts, sorry, I just took it the wrong way. If however you were being serious, let me just point you in the direction of an ancient adage that still holds true today. I can't remember the exact wording, but I think it goes something like:
If you can't say anything nice,
then shut the hell up.
***End Rant***
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*Walks in, gives Mai a big ole hug for being awesome, than walks back out.*
"Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins!"
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