Hunt for the Secret Hidey Place of Nice Boys
POSTED BY: mai
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 30, 2006 17:49
VIEWED: 58403
PAGE 17 of 28
nice guys... always have a bunch of over-protective female friends looking out for him and making sure no unsuitable women show up.
what an entertaining thread...
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I would like to point out that at no point in this thread (and yes Ric that's what i meant by cusper) have I said I am in the market for a nice guy...that position is taken (I’m no longer sharing those kind of details with the general public so you'll just have to trust me on that).
I agree with IAMZOE, the nice guys have a guard around them, they may not always be aware of the guard but it is there guarding. I can relate. I hover around my male friends and screen out the bad women too. Lordy, I hope I'm not one of the bad women. Sometimes I think I am. And sometimes I think I'm not. I want the best for him and I worry that’s not me, I want it to be me cause he’s not just nice he’s so much more, ya know? Ack! Rambling.
*hopes over protective female friends think she deserves a shot*
www.thatweirdgirl.com
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"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"
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yeah, those poor nice boys, they're so trusting, they think all girls are nice. Good thing there's evil folks lookin' out for them...
still, I heard that the right nice person can bring out the niceness in you too, so things can always work out no matter how weird they seem at first.
Romance, that's the thing: http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=4&t=10218
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We're trusting, and we're not...the not usually comes about when someone figures out that we are trusting (she-devils abound ;D). Because of past experiences I will probably always have some issue with trust.
I don't think I have a guard, as it were ;D, but then again maybe that's why no one ever gets through. All my chick friends seem to think I'm some sort of gift that no woman is worthy of. I really don't think they're involved in it, though. I think it comes from my inability to understand any but the most excruciatingly obvious hints from women coupled with my "morals" or ethical code and plain old good fashioned shyness with women.
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inch towards daylight
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Quote:
Originally posted by CallMeSerenity:Quote:
Originally posted by Jadehand:
. I'm a bastard.
You are NOT!
Take that back.
Serenity, First Officer of Destiny
I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/
Ok, you're right. My parents were married, and remained so. I just didn't want it to sound like, "Hey, I'm offended. I'm a nice, single, not young person." Cause that wasn't the point. The broad generalization that I "heard" whilst reading, was what concerned me. I'm like most people. I can be very nice, I can give the
a run for his money. I'm a product of my environment most of the time. Chameleon. When I'm surrounded by Browncoats, I tend to be kind and fun and generous. At work, well not so much. Must change jobs. I was at work when I wrote that, so I was feeling a little less than kind. Sorry if I ruffled feathers.I retract the statement that I'm a bastard.
Cheers,
JadeHand
Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."
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Quote:Hey now! I resent that! I've got all the emotional maturity of a redwood!
Originally posted by zoid:
Men -- like women -- do mature emotionally over time (albeit, very slowly when compared to women... or redwoods, for that matter.).
What?
-----
We applied the cortical electrodes but were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient.
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This. The reason I've stayed at FFF for so long. The little gems our members spout.
Quote:
Originally posted by Cybersnark:
Hey now! I resent that! I've got all the emotional maturity of a redwood!
*hugs Cybersnark*
www.thatweirdgirl.com
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"...turn right at the corner then skip two blocks...no, SKIP, the hopping-like thing kids do...Why? Why not?"
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Jadehand and CallMeSerenity:
CMS wrote, in part:
Quote:
I disagree with the statement that all the nice guys got snatched up first and got married already. That has not been my observation. Married men don't seem to be any nicer than unmarried, in my opinion. ...And then, using the opposite argument, you're saying that there must be something wrong with US women because we aren't married yet. As if there's some Hierarchy of Nice and the further down you are on the pyramid, the longer you have to wait to get married...
You and Jadehand both took me to task on my post, so I'll elucidate a little more...
But as to your specific assertions, as quoted:
1. All the good men are married. By 'good men', which I believe everyone will agree are preferable to 'nice guys', I mean suitable mates. I agree that being married does not insure that a man is good. But sure as God made little green apples, a 'good man' will get "snatched up" (as you yourself put it, heh-heh) by a woman who knows what's what, and lickety split. But I also believe good men -- and women -- are forged, not born. Being a former bad boy myself, I can attest that people can and do change for the better. I am reminded of the last scene of "Saving Private Ryan", in which Ryan begs his wife to tell him he is a good man, and that he has led a good life. His uncertainty, his humility in asking his wife to validate his 'goodness' (she appears surprised that he would even have to ask), is the defining quality of a good man. It made me cry just having to remember that scene in order to write about it. If you want to know if you've got a good man, show him "Private Ryan" and watch his reaction on that scene. If it gets to him, drag his ass to a preacher, post haste... (NB: In fact, SPR is chock full of 'good man' characters; I'd bet that even Reiben grew up to be a good man.)
2. Nope. Women are generally all about the heart, in a way men are generally not. At least not ab initio. I personally think this is more about biological imperatives than anything else. In much the same way that I think a male welterweight will virtually always beat a female welterweight because men are genetically predisposed to be more heavily boned and densely muscled, I think women will always have a naturally sweeter heart than men.
Why? Males are naturally (meaning: 'born to be') more aggressive/competitive and seek advantages in their mating environments, often making outrageous physical, mental or social gambits in an attempt to establish dominance over their competitors. They swagger. They feel they are invincible. They become egotistical and convinced of their mastery of the universe (even in the utter absence of evidence to support this stance). This is the lesson of the Greek myth of Icarus: At some point, Life takes notice of this vanity and lays them low with some well-placed sucker punches. One of two things happen: 1) They blame it on something other than their own shortcomings; 2) They reassess their presupposed mastery of the universe.
In scenario 1, they find excuses for why they have failed; as a result, they will fail again. This can be a one-time-only mistake, or they may continue to refuse to accept their culpability for the rest of their lives. In scenario 2, coming to grips with their own 'ordinariness' -- in both the good and bad aspects of their character -- leads to a sense of commonality with their fellow human beings, and a deeper empathy for the feelings of others (as opposed to, for instance, snickering at others for their lack of strength, prosperity or beauty, etc.).
As I said, the un-nice guys y'all are encountering may in very short fashion be transformed into nice guys, because Life will keep slapping them in the face until they wake up. Being a narcissistic pretty boy -- or a doormat in hopes that a crumb may eventually fall from the Mistress' lap -- is an unbalanced state. Nature ('Life') likes to break things that are unbalanced and bring them into equilibrium.
The problem -- as
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I'm honest with myself...I know my "shortcomings," but it seems I'm completely and utterly unable to remedy them. Of course that's fallacy, I can surely change, yet trying all these years has gained me nothing. I try to inch towards daylight, but the sun pulls farther ahead with every step. Really, I think it comes down to my personal code of ethics. For any progress to occur I need to abolish that code, but in doing so I destroy myself as that code defines me. Perhaps that is an abyss I will attempt to cross. To quote some lyrics of a song that helped me through one of the worst periods of my life "We'll burn this mother*er down, Tomorrow we start again." Should I tear it all down to see what rises in my place?
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inch towards daylight
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LightMeDark,
I don't know how old you are, doesn't really matter. I used to be where you are. The whole destroy who you are and see what grows in it's place thing...... I don't recomend it. I tried that. Guess what grew back? nothing. Being the walking dead ain't as much fun as it looks. Making changes can be hard. Think of it like trying to make repairs on something. Say you need to change the hinges on a door. trying that without a proper screwdiver can be frustrating, but destoying the door (temping as it may be) will not help overall. You need a different tool. Want to make changes (repairs) to yourself and not having luck? Change the tools you're using, don't kick in the door. Chasing daylight whilst walking? not going to happen. you can try running, then a bike, then a car, might do ok when you get a plane, but jump on board Serenity and well you get the picture. Some tools don't work. Some do. Some excel. Now I don't know what tools you've tried, so I can't really make a recomendation. But, don't change your ethics. Not the way to go. Maybe you dislike who you are now. That's ok, it inspires change. Change your ethics, and you'll end up loathing yourself. That only leads to self-destruction. I hope this adds some perspective, If you want further input, let me know. Maybe that Psych degree will finally get some use.
Sorry for the long windedness.
Cheers,
JadeHand
Visit WWW.Marillion.Com for a better way to live
"Dreaming the dream that only the sleepless know."
"Say you understand me, And I will leave myself completely.
Forgive me if I stare, But I can see the island behind your tired, troubled eyes." -Fantastic Place (Marbles) -Marillion
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