Hunt for the Secret Hidey Place of Nice Boys
POSTED BY: mai
UPDATED: Tuesday, May 30, 2006 17:49
VIEWED: 58403
PAGE 23 of 28
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CallMeAth wrote:
Sunday, November 20, 2005 15:01
*Walks in, gives Mai a big ole hug for being awesome, than walks back out.*
Awww, thanks, I needed that
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Hello Kellaina
So a man called you a whore for refusing to "dirty dance" with him. And you did what?
You walked away? C'mon... fight for your honor... knee to the nuts, claw out his eyes, force him to listen to Yanni. Women are the masters of ruthless combat.
Do you lack all compulsion to defend youself? If you're not a whore you defend your honor and go down fighting. If real men are in the room, they won't let a woman take a beating. And unless you're at a frat party at MIT or a bar in Southern California, there are real men present. Your defenders (whether they win or not) are the men you should be dancing with. Not the gucci Gotti-wannabe who calls you a whore, and pronounces "gangster" as "gangsta" ~ just gotta be suburban white kids. Pimpin ain't easy.
If none of the above applies, eat it up. You are what you eat, and if a man calls you a whore and you don't go down swinging, guess what...
Do I even need to finish that sentence?
You've prolly never seen a real bar fight, filled with men who fight other men over women (ya honor counts). Or you go dancing in the lowliest most vile clubs on the face of the Earth (we used to call them meatmarkets). The only fighting that goes on there is between guys not trying to defend a woman's honor... they're just protecting their pissing ground. Don't go trashin my bitches and ho's.
Or, you're a whore.
One of the above applies to you. Could care less which one it is, but one of them most definately "is". If you take namecalling like that from a man without fighting then you got what you deserved.
XG
ps ~ if anyone ever claimed I love music from Barry Manilow, I'd tear their face off with my teeth and put their entire family on the K-mart mailing list. It's an honor thing.
No such thing as gravity. The "Earth-that-was" just sucks.
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LMD: Just so you know, us ballsy brazen types are often pretty damn traditional when it comes down to it. I have NEVER cheated, nor would I ever cheat. I'm a one man kinda gal (actually I just got dumped cos I asked him to not sleep with other women, which was something he hadn't really done but which apparently was just too much for me to ask) If it came down to that I would leave who ever I was with, because if I want someone else that bad then I probably shouldn't be in a relationship anymore. I've never had sex with someone I didn't respect, and to me that is just as important as love. Also, yeah I've slept with pretty much all my male friends (except the gays) and I can honestly say I wouldn't go back and do it again, especially if I had a boyfriend. Jealousy will get you in a lot of trouble, because a lot of times it springs a red flag with the ladies (it does for me cos of bad past experiences), mostly because it shows you don't trust them. I always say I will trust you from day one until you prove my trust unfounded. I think you'll be okay the more women you get to know cos you will see that we are trust worthy even with past indescretions.
KayleeWannaBe! You are so the kinda woman I could hang with. If you are ever in the Wisconsin area we need to get coffee and schmaltz (thats talk). Feel free to email me through my blog to talk about life and loves and all things cats ;) I don't have time for the tiresome shit most women care about. I'm also very scientific (I'm a scientist so, duh), and very much of the 'what if I miss the one when I'm with someone I'm not meant to be with?'
From what I can tell, even when guys say that they don't want the clingy needy soul sucker that's what they want because it makes them feel important and manly (no offense to any man on here this is just from what I have seen). They love the idea of a woman who is independant and self sufficient and non-jealous and what not, but when it comes down to it they still want a June Cleaver (funny thing is I am so domestic it's sickening, I love to cook and sew and all that girly crap) who looks like Pamela Anderson. I mean I can shoot an AK-47 with perfect accuracy and look terrific in a dress an hour later, but that's not what they want. They want to hang out with that girl, and use that girl for a date for weddings and crap, but they don't actually want to be with her no matter how cool they think she is. They want a girly girl who dresses like a skank, who they can show off to their friends, who laughs at their lame jokes, and who doesn't stimulate them anywhere except in their pants. I was actually told the following: you are a friend, a cohort, a member of the gang. i care deeply for you and our friendship. because of this i sacrifice intimacy with the hope that our friendship will persevere This is man language for 'it was fun, but i don't actually see you as a girl.'
This is not to rag on girly girls. There are lots that don't suck. I've met one or two and they were adorable and I can see why every man I knew wanted them. They were helpless and cute and precious and all the things I can't be cos I have to take care of myself. There is no one else to do it for me. I'm an only child and I'm self sufficient. I'm a survivor, throw it at me, I can handle it.
I am totally convinced this is why I love Inara and Kaylee so much (look at that seg-way to Firefly!). They are both pretty independant, know what they want and for the most part take it. Then again they both pine after men who want them but who are just idiots. I only wish that occasionally one of my crushes liked me like that just a tiny bit.
Also just to explain my situation, I moved up here to the great northwoods a year ago, I have made no friends (I tried I really did, the people aren't that friendly), I barely leave my apartment unless I am going home to Milwaukee to see my friends who I desperately miss and whom I am constantly tempted to rejoin via quitting my job and moving back home. So it's hard to meet anyone, I've tried the comic book stores and the t
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L MY GORRAM A OFF, BlackEyedGirl!
You gotta get OUT of the North Woods, girlfriend! 
As a grad of the School of Really, Seriously I Mean Really Hard Knocks, I can also take care of myself to the Nth degree, but it is SOOOOO refreshing to just let go and be taken care of. And I'm an amazing girly-girl caretaker under the right circumstances.
I'm just going to hang in there and hope for the best. I find that as I improve as a person, so does the quality of the people who come into my life. Each boyfriend has been a step up on the evolutionary ladder, so to speak, starting with pond scum way back in college. The most recent one could pass as Homo Sapiens, but it turned out he was more Neanderthalish but without quite as pronounced a brow ridge.
So I"m continually working on improving ME through reading and seminars and introspection and whatnot (I highly recommend The Work of Byron Katie...it will change your life) and I find as I have become more confident and secure, I've become less clingy and jealous.
My pet theory is that jealousy is more of a problem with oneself, not what one's partner is doing. My other pet theory is that you get (manifest) whatever you spend most of your time & energy thinking about. So if you're a jealous guy, and you spend most of your time imagining your honey's cheating on you, and you treat her accordingly (no trust, false accusations, tantrums, manipulation, etc.) well, then, buddy, you're going to force her to go looking for someone who trusts her...which apparently ain't you, so you're setting the stage for exactly what you don't want, which is her leaving you or cheating on you! Ironic, no?
-----
It's my job to incite powerful yearning in the hearts and loins of my clients. No, silly, I'm not a Companion...I work at an advertising agency.
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Quote:
Originally posted by BlackEyedGirl:
LMD: Just so you know, us ballsy brazen types are often pretty damn traditional when it comes down to it. I have NEVER cheated, nor would I ever cheat. I'm a one man kinda gal (actually I just got dumped cos I asked him to not sleep with other women, which was something he hadn't really done but which apparently was just too much for me to ask) If it came down to that I would leave who ever I was with, because if I want someone else that bad then I probably shouldn't be in a relationship anymore. I've never had sex with someone I didn't respect, and to me that is just as important as love. Also, yeah I've slept with pretty much all my male friends (except the gays) and I can honestly say I wouldn't go back and do it again, especially if I had a boyfriend. Jealousy will get you in a lot of trouble, because a lot of times it springs a red flag with the ladies (it does for me cos of bad past experiences), mostly because it shows you don't trust them. I always say I will trust you from day one until you prove my trust unfounded. I think you'll be okay the more women you get to know cos you will see that we are trust worthy even with past indescretions.
For some people (most it seems), they just want the sex and excitement while still loving the one they're with. We, you and me, obviously don't get that sort of behaviour. On the sleeping with most of your male friends bit, I couldn't do it. I know lots of guys would like a f*** buddy, but I'm not one of them. I still can't stand the sight of either of my ex gfs, and I don't think I ever will be able to. Once I've been inside, for lack of a better term, I can never go back to being anything less.
You're right, it does show that I don't trust them. I can't anymore, and I know I can't be in a relationship because of it. I've always been misanthropic, but after what my first gf did I'm not sure I will ever be able to trust anyone ever again. That's one of the reasons I'm so down...I know I'm not fit for a relationship right now, and I'm not sure if I ever will be. The best I can do right now is what one of my chick friends told me a bit after my second break up: You just have to think that whether you trust them or not, they'll do what they want anyways so why worry about it? If they're going to cheat they're going to cheat, so why bother getting paranoid about it? Of course there are valid answers to this, but there you go. I'd also add that most people I've talked to say they don't completely trust their partner or at the very least get nervous when they go out alone.
Quote:
From what I can tell, even when guys say that they don't want the clingy needy soul sucker that's what they want because it makes them feel important and manly (no offense to any man on here this is just from what I have seen). They love the idea of a woman who is independant and self sufficient and non-jealous and what not... They want to hang out with that girl, and use that girl for a date for weddings and crap, but they don't actually want to be with her no matter how cool they think she is. They want a girly girl who dresses like a skank, who they can show off to their friends
I hope this wasn't directed at me ;D. I don't love the idea of a self sufficient, independant and non-jealous girl...I'm actually turned on by a girl's jealousy. It means they care enough about me that they worry. I'd also like to add that most girly girls I've known dress much more respectably than a lot of the other girls.
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I am totally convinced this is why I love Inara and Kaylee so much (look at that seg-way to Firefly!). They are both pretty independant, know what they want and for the most part take it. Then again they both pine after men who want them but who are just idiots. I only wish that occasionally one of my crushes liked me like that just a tiny bit.
Ever since Out of Gas (a superb ep, btw), I've had more trouble liking Kaylee because of the scene in the engine room. She's more or less s
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They're sittin at home on a Sunday night writing
movie scripts, trying to understand why all the women they've ever met are completely insane.
Well, I don't know if I qualify as nice...
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seg-way is spelled segue
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Wouldn't it be segue-way? When did this become a spelling bee??? Could you please give it to me (not like that pervs) in a sentence?
KayleeWannaBe
The people in Northern Wisconsin are very friendly, but in that way you are to tourists. The actual problem is that people in Wausau (not necessarily the whole Northwoods) are not fond of outsiders. If you were born, raised, and settled here you can have lots of friends. If you are an import they look at you like you are on fire. This would explain why every single person who has trained in my position at work, at the first chance transferred to our Milwaukee or Madison offices. The girl before me claimed she was 31 and there was no way in hell she was going to rot away in this town, she was moving someplace where she could meet people her own age who didn't have a herd of kids and who looked at her like she was on fire.
The funny thing is, the longer you live up here, the more you think it is you that is all weird and strange and not the locals (although this is insane logic, and every time you leave town this is affirmed). Although I am weird and strange, but not in that 'town freak' sort of way, moreso in a quirky eccentric way. Then again I found Frog Legs at the grocery store the other day and it really freaked me out, I had to question just how close to actual civilization I was living.
The evolution of boyfriends:
Stage 1: Primordial Sludge (that first cheesy early high school boyfriend)
Stage 2: Pond Scum (cheesy high school boyfriend with no car and no job)
Stage 3: Fishes (post high school BF with no car and no job)
Stage 4: Amphibians (college-ish first real adult-ish realtionship, he either has no car or no job)
Stage 5: Birds (post-college real adult relationship, he probably has no car and a really crappy job, emotional maturity of a sponge)
Stage 6: Mammals (Man with an entry level job and a crap car but who still has wierd rock-god fantasies or still has strange bachelor forever fantasies)
Stage 7: Apes (Man who has kinda grown up (but not too much, cos he's still fun) but with a good car and good job who's ready to settle down, just not with you)
Stage 8: Homo Sapiens! Hooray! Its a real human being!! You will probably marry this one.
Between Stages 7 and 8 is where a lot of us get stuck, cos there's a buncha almost perfects in there.
Also insects are always around. Insects being those assholes who are abusive, and evil and stuff (although I actuall love bugs, its just a metaphor, cos like bugs these jerks are every where), guys who don't deserve to breathe let alone breed.
Now I've gotta admit, I'm no buddha on the mountain top. I have what you (lightmedark) would probably call loose morals. Just remember what is more important are the lessons a person takes away from any one mistake or accident or intentional (but questionable) move. If a person did something that from your ivory tower seems horrible, find out what they learned from it, cos if it was real bad, they learned a lesson. What is awesome about humans is we are able to take our experiences, learn from them and reapply them to the future. Of course we can also apply those lessons badly, or hold a grudge or let something break us too, but for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, I believe this tenent of science to be true in most things.
LMD: I think you should go work at a homeless shelter or some place with a lot of people who I can tell you would look down upon, get to know them and their lives and their stories. Cos the more you do the more you will realize you truely cannot judge a book by its cover. People are always more than they appear to be.
BTW: Sarcasm is one of those things that cannot be accurately conveyed over the internet. When I talk about soul sucking slut-bombs I'm mostly doing it in a humorous way, there are women like this, but mostly it's just me generalizing, cos I can and I think it's funny (I've got a real twisted sense of humor). Mind you I'm blonde and have been known to wear slutty clothes (but I've never sucked a soul, I
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LightMeDark: I developed my pet theories as a result of living them, and believe me, if I can turn my life around, anyone can. I'm being 100% serious (for once.) I used to be the jealous harpy who pushed my boyfriend into the arms of someone a lot nicer, friendlier, and more trusting than myself thanks to my own insecurity and low self-esteem.
After that boyfriend "victimized" me by cheating, I gave up on men altogether and didn't date for a few years. Then I had a horrible tragedy happen in my life and I lost my mind. (This turned out to be a good thing...it wasn't that great a mind anyway.) So, I got the opportunity to start over from scratch, and I had to decide..."same crap life as before" vs "an amazing new life of my own creation". Well, if you have a CHOICE, (and you do!) wouldn't you choose the latter??
I agree, you have a defeatist attitude, and perhaps you're not in enough pain (yet) to decide that you want to change. Unfortunately, we humans are stubborn and often need to hit rock bottom before we get enough motivation to do something different.
Anyhoo, what helped me more than anything else is NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) and The Work of Byron Katie. The Work is available free online at www.thework.com. Click on "Resources" then "Introduction" and take it from there. There are a lot of great NLP resources out there. Right now I'm really into Change Your Life in 7 Days by Paul McKenna.
It all came down to one realization for me...if I didn't like (or love) myself, if I didn't respect myself, if I didn't take care of myself, if I didn't enjoy being with me, it was insanity to expect anyone else to! 
Quote:
Originally posted by LightMeDark:
I know I have a big problem, which I don't think can ever really be resolved. Defeatist or fatalistic? Maybe. Realistic? Yes.
I think it's great that I can pinpoint all of my problems and realize that they are problems, but I can't seem to do anything about it. Maybe it's that I haven't completely rooted out the source of the problems, but I find that a little hard to believe. For being a fairly well grounded person (some would describe me as too grounded), I can't seem to make things right.
Quote:
Originally posted by KayleeWannabee:
My pet theory is that jealousy is more of a problem with oneself, not what one's partner is doing. My other pet theory is that you get (manifest) whatever you spend most of your time & energy thinking about. So if you're a jealous guy, and you spend most of your time imagining your honey's cheating on you, and you treat her accordingly (no trust, false accusations, tantrums, manipulation, etc.) well, then, buddy, you're going to force her to go looking for someone who trusts her...which apparently ain't you, so you're setting the stage for exactly what you don't want, which is her leaving you or cheating on you! Ironic, no?
-----
It's my job to incite powerful yearning in the hearts and loins of my clients. No, silly, I'm not a Companion...I work at an advertising agency.
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XeroGravity-do you read what you write? Because, really, you've put your foot in it this time.
Quote:
Originally posted by XeroGravity:
Women are whores, men are users.
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Do you lack all compulsion to defend youself? If you're not a whore you defend your honor and go down fighting.
C'mon... fight for your honor... knee to the nuts, claw out his eyes, force him to listen to Yanni. Women are the masters of ruthless combat.
If you take namecalling like that from a man without fighting then you got what you deserved.
By your own admission, I should be kicking you in the groin right now.
"Faint heart never won fair maiden", but neither has "foul mouth". I know I'm not the only one that has found some of the things you've said to be very offensive and insensitive.
Now everyone has a right to voice their own opinion, I can't stop you. So I'm just going to ask you, ever so nicely, to please think before you next post.
Thank you very much.
P.S.It's spelled "probably".
Serenity, First Officer of Destiny
I have a live journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/callmeserenity/
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