Take turns writing "The Adventures of Jeremy"

POSTED BY: Succatash
UPDATED: Thursday, February 26, 2004 05:29
VIEWED: 15545
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SAINT JAYNE

Sunday, February 15, 2004 5:48 AM

Back in 2004, Jeremy's funeral was a somber occasion. Circling the grave were his family and closest friends. Stretched out for kilometres were the faces of mourners. Some had never met Jeremy, but they were touched by his good works.

The ceremony seemed to proceed exactly as anticipated. Men in black suits observed the affair from behind grave markers, trees, and watersheds.

Carl lowered his field binoculars and leaned back into the shade of the small brick structure, careful not to dirty his freshly dry-cleaned black suit. Funerals gave him the creeps. He had already been to his own – damn time travel all to Hades – and ever since, they had just lost there appeal.

“Smoke?” the man next to him asked, extending a packet towards him.

What could it hurt? He already knew smoking wasn’t going to kill him. Without a word, Carl snatched a cigarette and brought it to his lips.

The second man produced a disposable lighter, standard Fox issue. “I can’t wait to see what happens when they exhume this body and try to clone it”, he chuckled. “It looks like Jeremy. But it ain’t Jeremy!”

Carl breathed in deeply, thought for a moment, and blew the smoke back out his nose. “I already know”, he said dully. “I was there.”

Meanwhile, back in 2125…

TEELABROWN

Monday, February 16, 2004 1:16 AM

Back in 2125...

Tash, upon seeing actual Teela Brown, replies "I'm a head in a jar. But things could be worse, Teela. Been a long time, hasn't it?"

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

SUCCATASH

Monday, February 16, 2004 3:42 AM

The Succatash-Head smiled at Teela Brown. "How's life? Want me to nibble on your toe?"

"Uh, no, that's all right," answered Teela, a bit uncomfortably.

After a moment of awkward silence, the Succatash-Head became very serious. "Okay, listen up, everyone, let's get down to business."

But the aged, wrinkled Channain interrupted, "No, Succatash, it's too soon to tell them." She waved a bony finger at the Succatash-Head.

"Tell me what?" said Jeremy. He was tired of waiting for information. He wanted to DO something. Meanwhile, the Teela B. clone wandered aimlessly away, picking her nose, while the real Teela B watched her protectively.

The Succatash-Head turned to Jeremy and answered, "Never mind. I will do whatever Channain says."

Jeremy was stunned. "But aren't you the mighty Succatash? What about all those stories?"

"Listen, Kid." Succatash rolled his eyes and bubbles floated to the top of the jar. "Have you ever had your head mounted on a broomstick and been paraded around? Have you ever been forced to try on 42 different hats at the mall? I don't have any arms or legs and Channain makes me do whatever she wants. I'm just a head, now."

"I don't give head, but I take it!" cried Jeremy. "I need some information!"

Jeremy ran towards the table and snatched the jar containing Succatash's head. He ran out the back door and disappeared.

"Jeremy, you're making a mistake," gasped the Succatash Head, and the jar bubbled furiously.

"Shut up, Head." said Jeremy. He was tired of things going wrong. Now he was on the run and the Succatash Head was his only hope.

SAINT JAYNE

Monday, February 16, 2004 6:48 AM

Although he didn't know it yet, Jeremy had left just in time and had saved Succatash in the process. The cloned Jeremy (or "Cleremy") had recognized his original - the face, the voice, the smell. All of these set off a trigger inside of Cleremy.

What was the problem with Cleremy? A mental deficiency caused him to occasionaly swing from placid and tame to violent and hyper within moments. This change, however, was different.

Cleremy's body shook. He went unnoticed for a while as everyone's attention was drawn to the fleeing Jeremy. The cloned Teela B (or "Cleela") watched curiously, drool dripping from her open mouth.

Channain turned from the exit, cursing and frustrated, then nearly fell backwards as she saw that Cleremy was growing. A lot. And, were those tentacles?

TEELABROWN

Monday, February 16, 2004 2:46 PM

Teela sees Jeremy run out with the head. She starts thinking of every insult she knows, and which would fit Jeremy best at this moment. Then she sees the Cleremy changing.

"Oh cripe." she breathes.

She decides to run out the door in the direction that Jeremy fled, and try to forget all this.

_____________
"Freedom is the Freedom to say that 2+2 makes 4. If that is granted, all else follws"-Winston, 1984
Teela Brown, keeper of bad typing.
"No one reads these things any way."- Bart on Blackboard

SAINT JAYNE

Monday, February 16, 2004 5:57 PM

Ming sat in the chair of the security office, sipping his coffee and trying to stay awake. His eyes were drawn to a monitor by a sudden burst of activity.

"Hey, Phil!" he cried excitedly. "Akira's on!"

Phil lowered the newspaper from infront of his face and studied the images. "That's the security monitor for section B-12."

SUCCATASH

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 2:31 AM

"Holy Crap!" exclaimed Ming. "Somebody is trying to steal the Jar O' Tash! And there's an evil looking tentacle man clone about to kill Grandma Channain!"

Phil jumped to his feet. "Let's get 'em!" he shouted. He ran out of the room. A few seconds later, he ran back into the room and smacked Ming in the back of the head.

"Ow!" cried Ming. He stood up and rubbed his head.

"Let's get 'em!" shouted Phil. Both men ran out of the security room.

SUCCATASH

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 4:07 AM

Jeremy ran as fast as he could, but the heavy jar weighed him down. A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder and pinched a special nerve. Jeremy stumbled to the floor. Luckily, the Succatash jar landed right-side up.

It was Teela Brown. She wasn't even out of breath. She smiled reproachfully, and helped Jeremy to his feet.

"Jeremy, I'm on your side, don't ever leave me behind again. I... Love you! Don't you understand?"

She kissed him gently but suddenly everyone was knocked to the floor by Channain, who was fleeing the violent Cleremy-Jeremy Clone.

As everyone lay on the floor, dazed, footsteps grew louder and a man shouted, "OK, nobody move!"

Another man yelled, "Don't listen to me, listen to my partner!"

It was Phil and Ming, the security guys.

SHINY

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 5:13 AM

Spotting the mass of tangled limbs writhing on the ground, Ming cried, "Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar."

"Shut up, A.D.D. boy, and activate your vid-cam, the boss is going to want to see this evidence for herself!" yelled Phil.

Anxious to avoid another head-smacking from Phil, Ming quickly raised his vid-cam. But just as they began to record the incident, both guards felt a tap on their shoulders.

"Hey, we're FILMING here!" snapped Phil and Ming.

The light tapping was replaced by the thud of a heavy hand falling upon their shoulders. A heavy...slimy...sucker-covered hand...vaguely tentacle-shaped.

GEEZER

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 12:28 PM

"Un-tentacle those security guards!" came a clear cry from the opposite door. The Ceela clone entered. No longer drooling or spelunking nasal passages, she stalked purposefully into the room, fiery eyes locked laser-like on the slimy Cleremy monster. In her strong right hand a flashing samurai sword, in her sinister left a large shaker of salt.

"I've waited far too long for you to reveal yourself, evil slug. All those years playing a slobbering, booger hunting, Brittany Spears-loving imbecile. Yech! You owe me big time, you wormcast!"

Deftly hurling the crystaline shaker high in the fetid air, she unerringly smote it a single swift blow with the razor-sharp katana, shattering it at once into myriad pieces. As though subtly directed by individual General Dynamics Mark XXIV Inertial Guidance Systems, the sparking grains of salt, freed at last from their glassy prison, flew unerringly across the cavernous room to form a perfectly fitting saline coat over the mucus-coated clone.

"Keep the Shiny side up"

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