Insert disclaimers here. Me own nothing.

There's been so much Jayne vs. Simon (usually over Kaylee) floating around recently, I thought a little humor with the two of them might lighten it up.

I leave it as an exercise for the reader as to how our boys got into this situation.

**

"Huh." Jayne found himself face down on a table, drooling into the woodgrain. He supposed he should be surprised by this, but to be truthful, it was a common occurance when Serenity was in port. No, his surprise was more from finding himself with company for this particular hangover. Not three feet to his left, he found Simon snoring away.

"Doc. Get up." Jayne sat up and wiped the spit from his face, taking stock of the room. It was your average Rim world bar: dusty, poorly lit, smelling of smoke and less savory substances. Sadly, the surroundings were not helping him remember what had happened the night before, or why he woke up laying on a table next to Simon rather than in the arms of a lovely lady.

Serenity had pulled into Boros late yesterday afternoon, dropping off some cargo while picking up supplies. The Captain had been persuaded to make a night of it, so leaving the ship was in order so long as you got back before it was time to leave. Jayne had put on his "whorin' clothes", as Kaylee had once dubbed them, with the full intention of doing just that. He'd almost made it out the door when the yelling had started in the common room.

Simon had come scurrying out into the cargo bay, a livid Kaylee right behind him, brandishing a wrench. "Simon Tam! You are absolutely impossible!" It was fairly obvious that Simon had once again shovelled both feet into his mouth, and Kaylee had reached her tolerance for the day. Lord knew that by tomorrow she'd be all lovey, and they'd be making out in the most unlikely places again. But for the moment, he was damn glad that he wasn't in the Doc's shoes.

"Kaylee, bao bei..." Simon had tried to explain himself, and as usual had made a right hash of it. Mal,