OK, folks, this thing is about to take a serious trip to the crack!fic exit, without stopping for traffic signals. You may blame Smirnoff Vanilla Vodka and leiasky's constant PM'ing asking me to get moving, already. Bear with me, I'm basically making it up as I go at this point.

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"Gorramit. Can't we ever take some hostages that ain't so heavy?" Jayne huffed as he dragged Jasper's unconscious form into a free bunk, unceremoniously dumping him on the floor. He turned back to Zoe, who was marching Jake into the room and sitting him in a chair. "This sumbitch ain't exactly skinny."

"Just think of it like lifting weights, Jayne." Zoe just shook her head and began tying Jake to the chair.

"Nah. Liftin' weights is fun. This is all manner of annoyin', 'specially with this one givin' me all them smarmy looks." Jayne pointed an accusing finger at Jake, who was indeed smirking in the mercenary's direction. "It don't bother you none that these two was waitin' on our own ship an' lookin' for our two resident pains in the ass?"

"I'll admit, it does unsettle a mite," Zoe agreed. "But we got 'em under control now, an' Wash says there's no signals comin' off them. Can't be traced, can't call for backup. We got what we came for. All in all, we did good."

"Yeah." Jayne squinted, not entirely mollified. He was, at heart, a survivor; predator, not prey. And you didn't make it to the top of the food chain without a good sense of when to fight, when to flee, and when to just stand still and hope for the best. Jayne's sixth sense was twitching, the small buzz of something slightly...off. "Still, I got me a tingle in the back of my head, like somethin' ain't right."

Zoe nodded, and looked over as Jasper groaned and stirred on the floor. "Probably dandruff."

"For serious, Zoe. We may have got everything, like you said, but somethin' still ain't kosher."

"Well, if it'll help your curiosity, let's ask these gents what they might know."

Despite his reservations, Jayne grinned wickedl