Treasure of Lei Fong Wu

Chapter Twenty-Five

“I want him dead,” Simon said, grimly, looking at Kaylee over his coffee. He didn’t look as though he had slept in a week. And he hadn’t – at least not the eight hours recommended by every doctor in the ‘verse for the last six thousand years. He had done his best to work around Jayne’s schedule, but there were times when it was unavoidable for them to be in the same room at the same time. “I mean it. Dead. But nothing clean, like a bullet. I want him to suffer. Agonizing pain. Lots of it.”

“Aw, poor Simon,” Kaylee said, genuine concern in her voice. “I . . . I’m almost sorry that River and I are having so much fun. She can be a little hard to sleep next to, what with the violent night terrors an’ all, but when she’s awake she’s great!”

“I’d spend a lifetime with my sister at her most violent, her most insane, rather than spend one more night alone with . . . him.”

“It can’t be as bad as all that,” Kaylee said, hesitantly.

Simon looked at her as if he was going to explode. “Would you care to bet?” he asked, an evil tone in his voice. “Let’s start with the snoring. It’s like being in a steel tank with a chainsaw in my ear. Or the teeth grinding, which makes me want to put a pillow over his face. Or the smell – any idea how often he bathes? Just guess. Whatever you guess, add three days to it. He sweats like a pig, he throws his dirty clothes pretty much anywhere he likes – I had socks on my pillow this morning. Used. Socks. On my pillow. Where I sleep,” he pronounced. Kaylee patted his hand, about to lend him comfort, when he continued.

“If he’s changed his sheets since he’s been aboard it’s news to me. He . . . he cracks his toes. In his sleep. They go off like gunshots all night long. He’s more obnoxious asleep than most people are awake. I woke him up for his watch yesterday and he pointed a pistol at me, until he woke up enough to realize who I was. And then he didn’t put it down right away.”

“Nobody ever said this