Disclaimer: Who out there thinks these characters belong to me? Raise your hand so I can slap you upside the head...

Comments: The idea keeps growing. And you know it just isn't one of my fics without an abundance of angst.

Feedback: Love me, fear me, do as I say and I will be your slave wily_one24@yahoo.com.au

***

Arms held her, a hand on her right shoulder and one on her left elbow, resting lightly for now, but promising to close hard and keep her still. River could feel the rise and fall of Simon's chest behind her and heard the mantra that ran through his head. He didn't want her to make a scene, didn't want to know what he thought he knew, what he saw Mal realize.

A scene is exactly what she wanted to make as Wash and Zoe said goodbye to each other, all hands smoothing foreheads and words whispered not for anyone else to hear, but see they could. Public privacy, a declaration. She knew, as Inara, Mal and Kaylee joined them, that there would be no grand kisses for her, no secrets shared for all to see.

Now that the time was here, she could feel Kaylee reaching shatter point, being pulled in too many directions, nervous to go, scared not to, wanting to stay, wanting to prove Mal wrong. Simon didn't have to worry, River would not cause any problems that would make Kaylee explode in herself and render her unable to function.

She reached into her pocket and closed her fingers around the metal that was in there. It was beginning, she could feel it, the trembling panic, and she had to stop herself from screaming out loud. They were Simon's hands and he wouldn't hurt her. A brother is not blue. Not Simon.

"Watch yourselves." Was Zoe's curt goodbye as she made herself disappear, gone to hide her own fears in flying the ship, taking over from Book who had already said his farewells.

"You'll be okay?"

Kaylee was there, in front of her, and River wanted to lie to her, to tell her that she'd be fine, wanted to tell her the truth and make her see the terror that th