Eidolon (Chapter 24)
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Save her from this, Mal thought, not really sure who he was asking - he hadn't trusted that higher power for a long time. Spirit her somewhere so death don't find her. A shaded glen, somewhere always summer, with food and wine and that tea she likes. (Cleanse)
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3793 RATING: 10.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
Anger was easy to reach for, had been for a while, especially around her. The real trick was staying mad, one he was no good at with her. No matter how he tried to hold on to it, that's all it was really - a game, that only lasted until the next time he had the urge to go visit her, like a moth to flame. Like he had to make sure that she was still real, and not something he'd conjured up one night in a fit of loneliness. Because between the bickering she settled him, she and every space she inhabited to fill with her perfumed air, himself and ship alike.
So when he saw her again, saw River at her bedside, both of them looking otherworldly and half to líng jiè , hair like the wild evening and pale skin almost blue under the harsh infirmary lights, all his pointless fury turned to so much ashes. Because there was a moment between heartbeats that Inara lay motionless, when he just stopped, and she almost took him with her before she started breathing again. Steady, and stable, seeming asleep, but her essence had gone and left behind only her living shell.
The girl sat by Inara as she lay on the operation table as though in repose, had threaded the companion's hands through the sleeves of a gold satin robe he'd seen before, draped over her like a hospital gown, or maybe a funeral shroud. Wasn't right. She didn't belong here. Never did, not this cold place of grim reality where he dwelt. But somehow a world without her in it, without her smiles and grace or her flashing eyes when she was cross with him, somehow that was worse. Save her from this , Mal thought, not really sure who he was asking - he hadn't trusted that higher power for a long time. Spirit her somewhere so death don't find her. A shaded glen, somewhere always summer, with food and wine and that tea she likes .
God might not have been listening, but River Tam was. Made some arcane gesture, almost to touch one pretty black ringlet before hesitating. "Safe," River pronounced, th
Also, there's a difference between catatonia and being unconscious, in that they have different causes and with catatonia, people will actually hold poses that they're put in.
I like how you show that Mal is unable to stay angry with Inara. The anger is a phantom feeling, a cover for what he really feels. “The real trick was staying mad”…”all his pointless fury turned to so much ashes.” He finally begins to be honest with himself, in that moment when “she almost took him with her before she started breathing again.”
In the midst of this he still thinks about his crew, his failures as a leader, and especially his connection with Zoe. “As a leader he’d failed them”…”Need you with me on this, Zoe.”
Simon and Kaylee’s moment: “She devoted her life to helping others. She might not be comfortable when the roles are reversed,” Simon says, unable to see that the same could be said for him. Kaylee sees it, and sees how it applies to Simon, Inara, and the Captain.
It’s just a measure of Mal’s love, that even as he cares for Inara, his concern is for honoring her. “What right did he have?...he damn well could find some way to honor her still.”
He’s finally admitting to his feelings, out loud, if not to anyone who can hear. (Though I am holding out a hope that even in her catatonic state, somehow this expression of his feelings will still make a difference, somehow.) “I’ll be there as long as it takes, til you get tired of me.” And not just his feelings for Inara. He’s talking about Shadow, without anger or overwhelming pain, just remembering and envisioning a future. I think this is a defining moment for Mal. He’s really in an unusual state of mind, and I love seeing it. “He wished he could have shown her all of it, chased her across the fields.” And his vision of the porch swing and children. “Something had passed between them, some sort of recognition…she was like him.” Got that right. Different worlds, different backgrounds, but what these two have in common in something much, much deeper.
And he’s showing more self-awareness: “He was getting too old for this kind of life. His scars bothered him…There’d come a time when his quickdraw wouldn’t be fast enough.”
And the guilt. Always the guilt—because Mal is never really without it. “He was tired of failing the people who depended on him.”
Your last line is just heartbreaking. “His heart heavy, he rinsed everything away.” Damn. So exquisitely heartbreaking.
I honestly wish I could live up to your praise, but I don't, and this just doesn't. The only thing really keeping me going is the fact that I don't want to just give up and quit.
I am convinced Joss and Co. would approve.
I'm glad you both liked it, anyway.
I'm single lingual, but I use the internet to cheat. Technically I took classes for Spanish and Japanese, but unfortunately my memory capacity can be likened to a broken sieve.
I know that's Mal thinking, but I'm glad he agrees with me.
This image is pure Mal-Inara gold.
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