Blue Sun Room FICTION - ADVENTURE

The Guns of Yamenmiao (Pt. 12)

Monday, July 14, 2008

The Old That Is Strong - Book 1, Part 12. Tensions mount on the Yamenmiao expedition, coming to a head when Mal enters exactly the dire strait he feared the worst.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 4500    RATING: 9.0 (PG)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Promised, didn't I? ;) This and the next couple of posts, FYI, are probably not ideal for the faint of heart. Hope to see you lot stick around anyway. You're a fine bunch. :D

Jane0904, you're always with the good (and appropriate) analogies, ain'tcha? But you got it - though I am by no means done packing the tension in! :D

darbymonster, welcome back! Adirondacks, hmm? You weren't too far from my little scrap o' nowhere. Hear any ghost-train legends whilst you were there? ;) I agree with you about Zoe, up to the point that it's her husband she's thinking of; I was sort of running off her reaction when Wash bought the farm.

Angellemarcs, don't think that's the last Star Wars/Star Trek/Firefly in-joke reference you'll see before we slip. ;)

MDRLTC, well, hel-loooo!!! Welcome to the fic and to the fanfic posse, and I'm glad to see ya delurk! :D And just for the words 'within character', I'm extremely grateful. Esp. since I feel a little uneasy about character accuracy in the last few/next few posts. :/

Katesfriend, as you read this chapter you will see that Mal shares your worry. The way I figured it, he trusted River on the initial venture because he was able to keep a constant eye on her, but since he's no longer in that position he's leery of letting her take point.

OK - I'm gonna go back to the Star Wars fanfic forums and find out when Lurker Appreciation Week is. Meanwhile, lurk or no lurk, enjoy this one. :D And, whilst we thank PhyreLight for the beta, let's also blame her for the tension in this one - a fair chunk of it was her idea. ;)

http://www.fireflyfans.net/bluesun.aspx?bid=20650>Part 11

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"Forgive what You can and send me on my way," Book murmured over his breviary, concluding his prayers. "I will walk on, till You bid me rest."

"Amen," Simon said softly, looking up. The remains of the robbers and the train crew had been lain to a temporary state inside the

Comments
Monday, 14 July 2008 20:12
*sigh* Seems I always get blamed for everything. :p
Monday, 14 July 2008 21:47
Wonderous! Love the Little engine that could reference. Very fun!! Especially with it being River who said it. LOL!
Monday, 14 July 2008 22:26
Brilliant! I was so relieved when they came out of that tunnel in one piece though it looks like they are going to have one hell of a lot of company from Carabella's men. I was also all kinds of happy that they didn't kill those two miners just because they could. I am totally impressed by your knowledge of steam trains and it gives the story that much more kudos. Loved Kaylee getting the hang of it so soon too but then the girl is sheer genius with anything with workings. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
MDRLTC
Thursday, 17 July 2008 18:06
I was curious, being unfamiliar with a ‘breviary’, so I looked it up in the Encarta dictionary. Encarta defines breviary as a Roman Catholic prayer book with hymns, psalms, and prayers prescribed for each day (Webster’s defined it the same, but allowed it to possibly mean any prayer book from an ‘other’ church). Was your intent to establish Sheppard Book as a Roman Catholic or was the use of ‘breviary’ simply a generic term for a prayer book?

I really like the train details. Details draw me into the story, make the story more ‘real’. Which is why I may just be nitpicking here but I have a problem with one of your details. Any piece of machinery, after sitting untended for nigh on to thirty years, isn’t likely to hold pressure in its pneumatic brake system at anywhere close to normal. Seals go dry and crack, hoses get brittle, couplings corrode, etc. (If I’m nitpicking, just tell me to shut up and enjoy the story.)
MDRLTC
Thursday, 17 July 2008 18:08
You know, I almost forgot to tell you that I am enjoying the story.
Saturday, 19 July 2008 14:56
Loved your dialog and word choices in this one - very Jossian, and very natural in your writing. Getting used to the constant state of tension, and you certainly ramped it up perfectly at the end. Just in time to escape the cave in they meet up with witnesses, of course. But my favorite was River playing at being the Little Engine That Could!
DARBYMONSTER
Monday, 21 July 2008 17:06
If I haven't said it already, I must commend you on how well you integrate all of the characters into this story, each taking a role fit for his or her strengths and contributing to the job. It's something that I rarely find in fanfiction, especially Firefly fanfic where the action is generally focused on Mal, Zoe, Jayne and River to the exclusion of the rest of the crew.

And way to build the tension! I was expecting the roof to come down at any minute, was sure it was going to happen and then it didn't. Very realistic - what we expect often doesn't occur and disaster usually comes without warning.

No ghost-train stories in the Adirondacks. I was on an island in Stillwater Reservoir - some rusty old train tracks and the ghosts of old tree trunks from what was clear cut to 12 inches to form a man-made reservoir. Didn't know that was near your stomping grounds. I'm a Western NYer myself now.



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