Spinning Out-Chapter 04: "The Dig"
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
3 months post BDM. The crew of Serenity locate and excavate the cargo for Badger's job. But disaster strikes when desert bandits make a run for Serenity. River makes a rash decision and takes matters into her own hands. Rated R for adult language, adult content, graphic bloody gun violence, and mild nudity. Word count = 10,730 P.S. when you come across the link that says "music" open it in another page and keep reading...you'll know when to stop it.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 3803 RATING: 9.0 (PG13) SERIES: FIREFLY
Ch 0: | Ch 1: | Ch 2: | Ch 3: | Ch 4: The Dig
Spinning Out
by
GoramMan
Chapter 4: The Dig
Some one banged loudly on the airlock door. “I’m come’n gorramit!” shouted Jayne. He peered through the view port with his right hand touching his pistol. It was Simon. Jayne unlocked the seven inch thick door and heaved it open.
Simon slapped a brown paper bag into Jayne’s chest, “Kaylee is out there with the delivery.” He walked into the cargo hold. “River! Come down and help us with the food.”
Jayne shoved a hand into the bag and pulled out a green golden delicious apple, “What’re these for, Doc?”
“You. For watching River. Did anything happen?”
“Well I ain’t bludgeoned, stabbed, or shot so I guess I’m fine. She’s been pace’n up and down the walls though. Make’n me nervous.”
River came thumping down the catwalk with her combat boots and cargo pants. She ran across the cargo hold deck and hugged Simon.
“Whoa. Where did this come from?” he asked.
“I was worried. Are you still the same?”
“Uh...yeah. As much as I can be.”
“You saw them?” asked River.
“Oh, the bombing. Yes, let’s not talk about that in front of Kaylee for a while. Okay? But there was really nothing I could do to help. By the time...”
“It wasn’t going to change Kaylee.”
“She was really upset so I think it’s best if we don’t talk about it in front of her.”
River l
Nicely done chapter. Very action packed. Loved Mal's reaction to River taking over. Have to wonder when it happens again and she does nothing, who will pay the price.
And the end, with Simon's question. Hmm, what will come of that little bombshell?!
Nicely done! Looking forward to reading more!
1. The desert. So often in movies and television the environment is used as a pretty back drop for the story. I think it is much more interesting when you involve the setting as an antagonist. I've spent some time in the desert. It's beautiful, quiet, and ready to kill you the second you get stupid and don't respect it.
2. The action. In the beginning River was just going to rip through some poor slobs dumb enough to come right at her in a single file line. And that sucked. Then I had this idea of being attacked from multiple angles. From this came the interesting tactical situation where they had to isolate themselves from Mal, Zoe, and Jayne, use misdirection to lay the ambush, and of course shoot about one hundred rounds through Vera.
3. Somebody had to be emotionally impacted by all of this carnage. I knew I was going to get bloody and unapologetically brutal on these bandit scum bags. I didn't care that they were desperate and poor (for once) they were shunned by society for a damn good reason. Reasons that would have put this story over the 13,000 word mark. So it was all implied. River wouldn't care about them. She has yet to show remorse for anyone she has killed. But then there was Simon. I didn't want to put a gun in Kaylee's hand. It's too much of a stretch and in the minds of the fans a gun doesn't belong there. But Simon has exhibited a little more bravery with firearms. In the BDM he wastes a few reavers but he has yet to kill a normal person. So it had to be him.
Oh, and Leiasky. Tsk. I thought you knew me a little better than that. If I was going to write this story just to put characters in an awkward situation then clearly it would be to put Kaylee and River in their underwear and pouring water over each other. But I like that you said it was Jayne's camo. That means I really sold the bait thing...I hope.
Thanks again everybody and keep reading and responding. Either today or tomorrow I will post something on my fff.net blog space or the BSR message board to tease some future ideas and tell you about ideas that I rejected. I'm curious to see if others agree with me on how horrible my ideas can be.
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