Beginning's End Part 6
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
In which Inara finally makes another appearance and Mal has some explaining to do.
CATEGORY: FICTION TIMES READ: 2649 RATING: 8.0 (G) SERIES: FIREFLY
[A/N]: Read parts 1-5 first if you haven't already. Part 3 is currently being overhauled. Wow, I never expected this to go beyond about a 3-parter...I've created a monster! Many thanks to all who feedback! To all who don't feedback: you should start, as Audrey 2 the Feedback Monster that lives in my basement is HUNGRY.
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“Your gardens are breathtaking. I’ve not seen their like since I left the Core,” Inara remarked, surveying the acreage of finely-manicured blossoms nodding in the morning sunlight along artfully twisting pathways. Not a leaf out of place, not a fleck of color in the wrong spot.
“Thank you, Inara, but you are too kind,” Vijaya Ameri replied, smiling and patting her hand. Ameri was an older gentleman, pleasant both in appearance and manner. He was quite tall, and his iron-gray hair contrasted beautifully with his dark complexion. “My family’s gardens on Osiris are two centuries old. This is merely a shadow, a poor reflection to make this frontier manor seem a bit more like home.” Inara took Ameri’s proffered arm as they strolled along. It was late spring on the southern continent, and the weather was warm and breezy without the dust and raw heat that plagued so many terraformed worlds.
“You must find it difficult, expanding your family’s business in this region after spending your life on Osiris. Civilization can be…elusive… this far from the Core,” Inara added, batting away the thought that had absently fluttered into her mind. The thought that this man was one to whom Mal would have referred as one of her fancified gentlemen struggling to make a life for himself surrounded by only the barest luxuries. The idea of a petty criminal passing such a judgement on an educated and accomplished man such as the one standing next to her brought Inara an unwilling flash of anger. Being a Companion was an art form-- one that could only be brought to perfection through constant focus and discipline. Why was she allowing her mind to st
You can't take the sky from me
Kaylee badgering Mal about Stephanie didn't seem too OOC for me actually, I see it more as her assuming that because the Cap'n knew he had explaining to do, he would bring it up at the best given opportunity (which was meal-time). That whole scene was particuarly well-written and everyone was spot-on.
One thing I didn't agree with though, is Simon's disdain at Jayne's cooking. In the show, I always saw Jayne as being a good cook, and Simon can't criticise when his meals "smell like crotch".
Anyway, looking forward to more :-)
Everything was mighty thought-provoking, if only to wonder if the reactions contained within are in-character or not. Mal's reaction to Kaylee's question? Definitely could see Mal going up like that out of fear and fury about Stephanie's condition and recent history. Kaylee's behaviour? I could see this...but only after Mal had put off her inquiries several times and he just reached his breaking point; the idea that Kaylee ignored Zoe's request to leave Mal alone is troubling, but possibly plausible if she thought Zoe was coddling Mal when he should be letting it out.
Inara's thoughts about Mal, both his probable comments about her client's "lesser" lifestyle on the Rim AND his "request" to Inara to hang around for a few more days while the Fed presence drops down to a dull roar, are more debate-provoking IMO. Inara's thoughts and reactions seem oriented more for the time just before "Heart of Gold" than after the series and before the BDM; her fury at Mal seems focused on his inability to uphold his end of their rental/business contract and his disdain for her job, rather than more personal feeling-oriented ire about Mal sleeping with her best friend. I can only imagine how finding out about Stephanie (cuz platinum to Pop Tarts she ain't gonna stick around now!) will cause her to react;D
BEB
Here's the thing I see. Unlike most fanfic writers (and I include myself in that group), you don't need any work at all when it comes to writing an absorbing, compelling, and interesting story with perfect presentation and grammar, and for the most part believability.
And it's because I think you're such a good writer that I'm even saying this, normally I don't comment unless I have something completely positive to say.
In this chapter, I felt like we as readers were being pushed and set up, because the characters were doing things not because they were in character, but because you wanted to move the story in a certain direction.
Want Inara to already be pissed at Mal when she arrives back to find his former lover on board? Cool, that's your perogative as the storyteller. But, you need to find a way to accomplish that goal that fits what we already know about these characters. Doing it this way seems to be too much of a forced setup for us to accept that Inara's going to waltz off the ship in a huff, leaving Mal and Stephanie to get it on.....
Again, not saying you couldn't write exactly that scenario.....I could even see something like that happening on firefly. But for us as readers to accept that, it has to be done completely in character. If you lose the believability of the characters, you lose the credibility of the characters.
Don't forget that Mal is in love with Inara, and vice versa. It's a rocky and very uneasy relationship they keep denying they're in, but it exists. That means that they may fight and hurt each other and get angry, but they also care deeply about each other.
Don't forget that Kaylee is an intelligent and astute person, and that she and Mal care about each other deeply.
Basically, you can make the story do whatever it is you as the writer want it to. You have the writing skills to pull it off. But if you aren't true to the characters and the relationships we're familiar with in the process, that story suddenly stops working.
I like Jayne's comments on Mal's explanation...
Simon's sarcasm - good call.
Thoughts: Kaylee would have been silenced, but not driven out. I think Wash or Zoe would have jumped in to save her by changing the subject. Then she'd still be in the room.
Mal probably would have stopped at saying he knew her without revealing that they were involved (although it did get an excellent comment from Jayne)
Inara was a bit hissy. I think you can keep the rage, but soften the scene with her doing things to calm herself (i.e. "she poured a cup of tea, but it failed to sooth her").
Still addicted.
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