Male and Female Imponderables-Resurrected
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Thursday, June 8, 2006 20:33
VIEWED: 21914
PAGE 9 of 19
Emma, this may not help, coming from a male, but I have found that sometimes going beyond friendship can have detrimental effects. Again, this is just from a male standpoint...
I am still friends with a few friends turned lovers, but several instances did not turn out all that well. The ones that did were based on a really strong, non-threatening friendship beforehand--and that sounds like what you have right now. I say bite the bullet and go for it. You say you are curious...you have a friend who is bi-...can you really go wrong?
I will defer to those females who have experienced this situation...just putting my two cents' in.
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All I can say is this: If I had slept with my best friend from way back, I wouldn't have her for a friend now. Not to mention, that ick factor might suddenly become a huge issue in the heat of the moment. Trouble times two. You lose that friend you didn't want to lose and risk the possibility of her hating you for allowing it to go that far. I know there is the difference of gender in our cases, but it is all pretty much the same. Just remember that with most great things come the possibility of great failure. If you feel the need to take the risk, take it. You already see the consequences.
Fight on EMMARIGBY.
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Nothing happened after watching Secretary? Really?
Showed that one to a date last week now she's my girlfriend.
More male input (for what it's worth)
It seems to me it might be easier to end your curiousity with someone you are already friends with.
Although the ick factor is powerful stuff, so is the comfort factor.
I say roll the dice.
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Thought the collar gave it away
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Whoa.
Emma, rule number 1.
Communication.
'Implying', to me, doesn't speak of good communications. First, find out what your friend's intentions are.
It can take a lot of courage (and maybe a shared bottle of wine) to say, "You know, I'm getting hte impression that you might want to move this past just friendship? And if so, honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that."
If she's interested, she should be able to say, "Hell, yes, I'm attracted to you!" and if not, be able to say so as well.
But once the question is in the open, and you both are being honest and straightforward about what you think, how you feel, and what you want, you'll be surprised at how easily the confusion fades and you can just be yourself.
No sense making yourself crazy over it until you know what she's thinking about.
One thing to really consider is how this fits in with your relationship with your boyfriend.
Guys typically go, "Oh! Girlfriend is BI! I can have a hot threesome!" until she actually starts dating another woman. Then there are likely to be insecurities and fears to be dealt with, just the same as if he was dating someone else.
Oh, and since we were talking about this topic; As I have told Manitou in the past, "SURE, you can come to bed with my girlfriend and I, and we'll show you exactly how little there is for a guy to do when two women who know what they are doing get together. I recommend you bring a good book and a snack, because you're likely to get bored."
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SameErita, as stated before, not all guys immediately think "hot threesome!". The few posts I have seen in here indicate an interest, yes, but not an automatic "I'm in there" mentality. My own post stated I would be interested if invited, but would not actively pursue a major role in the activities between my partner and another female.
Sorry, had to respond to your line "Oh! Girlfriend is BI! I can have a hot threesome!" And if your idea of a threesome is leaving the guy reading a book and eating a snack, that's not really a threesome is it? 
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Quote:
Originally posted by SameErtia:
Oh, and since we were talking about this topic; As I have told Manitou in the past, "SURE, you can come to bed with my girlfriend and I, and we'll show you exactly how little there is for a guy to do when two women who know what they are doing get together. I recommend you bring a good book and a snack, because you're likely to get bored."
That's hilarious!!!
And I totally second your advice to Emma. Talk talk talk it out!!! If she's a good friend from way back, the communication should flow freely, and be enlightening!
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I'm the president. I don't need to listen.
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You've been flashed
I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"
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Quote:
Originally posted by FutureMrsFIllion:
You've been flashed
I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"
GAH!! ROTFLMFAO!!!!
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I'm the president. I don't need to listen.
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I am on The List. We are The Forsaken and we aim to burn!
"We don't fear the reaper"
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Hey Emma, I am so in agreement with Sameerita re communication.
One thing I've learn in my 'travels' is that you've got to be on the same wave-length as the person you're sleeping with. If one person is expecting one thing out of the relationship, and the other is expecting something different, that is a surefire recipe for pain. And when I say 'wavelength' I mean understanding each other's intentions so no one feels used/misled.
I have slept with my best (girl) friend as part of a threesome and it hasn't changed the relationship (apart from the fact I now know what she looks like naked) partly because we both understood what we were getting into.
Also the curiosity issue: are you curious about her because you're curious about exploring whether you're bi, or are you actually attracted to her as a person?
Thus ends the wisdom. But the fun drunken gossip and tips are only beginning!
Plus I looooove the British Museum. It is quite possibly my favourite place in the whole world.
L xx
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