Time to Go. (public service message: this may be a goodbye thread)

POSTED BY: RionaEire
UPDATED: Monday, April 8, 2013 20:12
VIEWED: 19952
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BYTEMITE

Friday, March 22, 2013 6:54 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by Niki2:
Quote:
Niki, listen to me, I'm dead serious here....I'm very concerned.... and it is freaking me out...And the second alternative is too horrifying for me to ignore.
Quote:
I wanted to know if something had you stressed out, or if something had happened to you or a friend.

The two do not jive.

Here I had hoped this silly thread had managed to die for lack of interest. You should let it do so.

They actually do. I'm trying to figure out if this new mockery thing you're doing is on account of something I did to you or something that happened to you independent of me.

I'm prepared to let it die, and I slept on it for a day and a half. But there were things I guess I just wanted you to know. You don't have to believe me anyway.

SIGNYM

Friday, March 22, 2013 6:59 PM

CAPTAIN... yes, I tend towards the dismissive myself, not the best way to make friends or pass along information. OTOH, it seems to me that Riona doesn't recognize what is being said if it is said very gently (denial) but reacts badly when it is framed unmistakably (rejection). So, what then?

CAPTAINCRUNCH

Friday, March 22, 2013 8:10 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SIGNYM:
CAPTAIN... yes, I tend towards the dismissive myself, not the best way to make friends or pass along information. OTOH, it seems to me that Riona doesn't recognize what is being said if it is said very gently (denial) but reacts badly when it is framed unmistakably (rejection). So, what then?

(opps... old login, pizmobeach/G here.)

So? Who are we? Sometimes it takes a while for stuff to sink in and people to act on that stuff - can't rush it, that's it, move on to things we can effect.

"Riona, if you cared...." is such a bullish*t line.

MAL4PREZ

Friday, March 22, 2013 8:32 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by SIGNYM:
doesn't recognize what is being said if it is said very gently (denial) but reacts badly when it is framed unmistakably (rejection).

This is something I see often in certain types of brains. I see it more in conservatives, but also in other types.

It's a foolproof way to not ever have to see another side of an argument, and to always be in the right.

CAPTAINCRUNCH

Friday, March 22, 2013 8:37 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by MAL4PREZ:
Quote:
Originally posted by SIGNYM:
doesn't recognize what is being said if it is said very gently (denial) but reacts badly when it is framed unmistakably (rejection).

This is something I see often in certain types of brains. I see it more in conservatives, but also in other types.

How many types of brains do you reckon there are?

MAGONSDAUGHTER

Friday, March 22, 2013 11:27 PM

Meh, I think Byte nailed it as usual. Rione is possibly not used to being disagreed with overtly amongst her family and friends. I imagine that the way they play out conflict is much more subtle. So to be openly disagreed with, as Cav did, even if it does not appear abusive to others, feels abusive to Rione.

In my family, on the other hand, it's quite normal to shout 'YOU ARE WRONG. YOU ARE WRONG' while thumping your fist on the table to emphasis your point, and nobody much worries. Just have to remind myself that it isn't the same for everyone.

FREMDFIRMA

Saturday, March 23, 2013 3:34 AM

Feh, my so-called "family", being descended from rambunctious appalacian hill folk generally "disagrees" by yelling, followed by throwing things, and soon followed by shooting at each other... not hyperbole, they really ARE that bad.
Of course, when gets really personal, it gets even grislier - but folks who read about those hillbilly murder attempts often fail to realize that much of the time even *that* doesn't do it, they need a LOT of killin to finish off.

Makes arguments a lot more.. interesting than I would like.
Compared to that crap a brushwar is downright civil.

-F

MAL4PREZ

Saturday, March 23, 2013 3:35 AM

Quote:
Originally posted by captaincrunch:
Quote:
Originally posted by MAL4PREZ:
Quote:
Originally posted by SIGNYM:
doesn't recognize what is being said if it is said very gently (denial) but reacts badly when it is framed unmistakably (rejection).

This is something I see often in certain types of brains. I see it more in conservatives, but also in other types.

How many types of brains do you reckon there are?

Oh, infinite. I think of brain as like long lists of traits. "Types" would be those with similar patterns of traits. It's always a partial thing.

This trait, the ability to shield oneself from having to hear something by either denying it or getting hurt if the message is delivered in a non ignorable way, I find common in people who have been damaged in some way. I'm not saying this about Riona, but about people I've met in RL. It's like their brains *can't* let a message in, so it's a protection mechanism.

It still can be quite annoying, to come up against that wall. And it happens over rather trivial information sometimes, too.

I think Byte and Magons are right. I also grew up with no open argument, so vocal disagreement sometimes comes as a shock to me. I've reached an age where I'm getting over that. :)

RIONAEIRE

Monday, March 25, 2013 5:01 AM

I'm actually fairly argumentative in real life. But that wasn't something I have ever been accused of, not caring about Eire. I was raised to know that people would always argue with me about religeon and politics, living in the city I do I knew that would always be a situation that came up in my life. So when people are rude about politics or religeon I am used to it and don't think much of it. But when people insinuate that I don't care about something which I do care about (Ireland) that is something I'm not used to. You guys know I'm happy to argue religeon and politics (to a point at least, knowing that I believe what I believe and you believe what you believe and we both have rights to do so). I've been here for two years, so if argument was going to drive me away then it would have long ago. But Cav pushed a button with me that I'm not used to having pushed. True Druidism isn't a part of Irish culture that is high on my interest list, but he was speaking so vaguely as to insinuate that I didn't care period about any Irish culture details, which as G points out are varied and include lots and lots of aspects.

The fact is that I know how to say more things in Irish than he does, I probably know about more aspects of Irish history than he does (even though he fancies himself an expert on certain parts, which he very possibly may be, but I probably know more in general). And I sing trad way better than he does most likely, since that's what I do as a performer. I bet I know more Irish songs by memory than he does as well as being able to sing them well. So I don't think he can insinuate that I don't care about Eire.

Plus this just kind of made me realize that since no one picked up on any of that at all they must not know me very well and if I've spent two years of my life interacting with people and they don't know me very well I don't think I'm really getting anywhere in this community, I might as well be rowing around in circles.

"A completely coherant River means writers don't deliver" KatTaya

MAGONSDAUGHTER

Monday, March 25, 2013 6:44 AM

It did seem as though you were unaware of the history of St Patrick, or how he is viewed by pagans, as you were flabberghasted that anyone could have anything but a positive view of him.

Granted, Cav's response was pretty sharp, but it was (to me at least) not a thread in which you were abused. Clearly you have felt differently. Therefore I am of the opinion that you find disagreement with you difficult.

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