Worst of the Worst - Contribute to The Most Awful Fic Ever Written
POSTED BY: jetflair
UPDATED: Friday, February 17, 2012 18:36
VIEWED: 87562
PAGE 5 of 22
What if...Omigod, what if Mal was a clone...of HIMSELF!!! He pretend to be a preacher, and took up the name Book! Except he was thrown backwards in time for having too little hair. He then came back with lots of hair, and became Book! Except that he then had to go and meet himself, therby causing a temporal paradox, which swallowed the whole of the universe!
Then God gave them all tea because their show got cancelled.
Inara serviced St. Paul.
Right before he found out she was previously a man.
Jayne explodes for no apparent reason.
So does Simon.
Kaylee rapes the moon.
River plays Halo 3000000000000.
Lucky bitch. 
Oh, God, I'm down with the ding! I'm in space to fly!
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Oh, can we have Book as a former Companion?
This is actually pretty creative, and more or less does fit the facts. But it more or less freaks everyone out.
"This isn't how I was supposed to die. For all the love I spread... Ack!!!"
(I am only suggesting it here because no one else would write it at all, so even in jest, I will take a read. I do think the thought deserves some merit.)
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double post
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OMG! Can I use it? Can I have Book be a former companion in my horrible fic? That would be awesome!
A super-secret government-trained companion with lethal tactical skills!
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Quote:
Originally posted by jetflair:
OMG! Can I use it? Can I have Book be a former companion in my horrible fic? That would be awesome!
A super-secret government-trained companion with lethal tactical skills!
use it all you want.
if you want to read an actual discussion on this go to:
http://stillflying.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=247
Starts at bottom of the page, continuing over to page two.
This post in particular:
http://stillflying.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=4657#4657
I think people "politely" decided to ignore my speculation.
EDIT bumped this topic too:
http://www.fireflyfans.net/thread.asp?b=2&t=26238
This still puts a massive grin on my face. It is just so wrong that it has to be written. By someone who can write. (I actually tried and failed.)
I have got a bigger grin now because someone (read Jetflair if she is not creeped off.) may incorporate this into their fic.
EDIT number "n" - please please please use it. I just so want to read that.
On a more creepifying (can there be more creepifying stuff?) I ran across a fic billed as Jayne/Book today (yes there can).
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That image is just bizarre.
Okay, Book isn't a companion, but in fact a time-travelling cop in search of the perfect hairdo! Instead, he's captured by Blue Sun, injected with chemicals, and becomes Super Book, where upon he has to save the Princess, who ironically is in another castle.
Oh, God, I'm down with the ding! I'm in space to fly!
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Up to 8 pages now.......
I've stolen the "plot" from Drive. Book is a former Companion. There are not one but two Mary Sues, one for Mal and one for Jayne. Jayne's Mary Sue is attracted to men who abuse her, and has Stockholm Syndrome. Mal's Mary Sue, Jetstream, is a horrifically transparent and romanticized version of, of course, me ;)
Here's a peek at the opening:
"Funny thing, sir. Here we sit on the brink of starvation, and a job just dropped out of the sky on us." said Zoe. “Guess things are going our way for once.”
Mal gave a slow smile, nodding in satisfaction. "What sort of a job?"
"The Consortium wants to hire us," said Zoe.
"Exposition, please?" said Mal.
"The Consortium is comprised of a number of wealthy and unscrupulous business people from around the system. Adali Niska, Atherton Wing, Gabriel Tam, Badger, the Companion Guild, Jubal Early, and Saffron. The Operative recommended us for the job."
"Shiny," said Mal. "With this lot, I reckon we should be prepared for a double-cross. Let’s send all vulnerable members of the crew off on their own for a bit while we do this meeting. Make sure they have no backup, and don't warn them anything might be amiss."
~~~~~
River, their new pilot, set them down flawlessly on the backwater planet; not bad for a girl only been flying for a week. She set the controls of the complex ship, docking her and setting the computer overrides with expert control. “Blue hands,” she whispered. “Bad people all through the wind, with badgers and oatmeal come to mimsy the widget.” Her eyes flew open with sudden fear, and she ran from the bridge in tears.
"Love keeps her in the air...."
www.serenityverse.com/fffanfic - My fanfics
www.serenityverse.com/shop - Firefly Jewelry
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This thread is too funny! I have one bit to add, brought over from the Saffron thread - YoSafBridge is finally driven to showing her *true* vulnerable side, thus becoming yet a third Mary Sue:
"My mother abused me and my father was a drunk and I've had to be a tricky woman to survive but all I really want is to be held by a big strong man like you Jayne/Mal! *sob*"
-----------------------------------------------
hmm-burble-blah, blah-blah-blah, take a left
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How about the BDHs having children that are exact copies of various BDHs, especially reader children for Simon or River. Sorry, that never happens in real life so exactly.
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Mimsy the widget? What the fuck? What about the boragroves? Are they mimsy too?
Two things: One, it shouldn't be stockholm syndrome...but bockholm syndrome! I have no idea what that is but I think it has something to do with explosive direrria. Or something. Stupid spellcheck:(
Two, I wanna beta!
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