monty python
POSTED BY: Guywhowantsafireflyofhisown
UPDATED: Friday, June 30, 2006 15:16
VIEWED: 20847
PAGE 9 of 11
Vet: I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service.
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Rustic Shepherd: It's my belief that these sheep are laborin' under the misapprehension that they're birds. Observe their be'avior. Take for a start the sheeps' tendency to 'op about the field on their 'ind legs. Now witness their attempts to fly from tree to tree. Notice that they do not so much fly as... plummet. 
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Hissssssssss!
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you're no fun anymore
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature
I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.
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Quote:
Originally posted by SimonWho:
Dear Sir,
I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about this thread. It appears to be composed entirely of either direct quotes or variations of line from the popular Monty Python series.
Yours sincerely,
Captain Malcolm Reynolds (Mrs)
LOL!!!!
also, I would like to point out that the BALPA spokesman who made an earlier complaint about aironautical inacuracies was himself wearing a captain's hat, while he only had leutenant's stripes on the sleeves of his jacket
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature
I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.
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SOLDIER #1: Where'd you get the coconuts?
ARTHUR: We found them.
SOLDIER #1: Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical!
ARTHUR: What do you mean?
SOLDIER #1: Well, this is a temperate zone.
ARTHUR: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land?
SOLDIER #1: Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
ARTHUR: Not at all. They could be carried.
SOLDIER #1: What? A swallow carrying a coconut?
ARTHUR: It could grip it by the husk!
SOLDIER #1: It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.
ARTHUR: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here?
SOLDIER #1: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right?
ARTHUR: Please!
SOLDIER #1: Am I right?
ARTHUR: I'm not interested!
SOLDIER #2: It could be carried by an African swallow!
SOLDIER #1: Oh, yeah, an African swallow maybe, but not a European swallow. That's my point.
SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah, I agree with that.
ARTHUR: Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot?!
SOLDIER #1: But then of course a-- African swallows are non-migratory.
SOLDIER #2: Oh, yeah.
SOLDIER #1: So, they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway.
SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2: Well, why not?
Sorry about it being long just love that bit just because of John Cleese mind
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"Love. You can do all the math in the 'Verse, but you take a boat in the air you
don't love, she'll shake you off sure as a turnin' of worlds. Love keeps her in
the air when she oughtta fall down. Tells you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens.
Makes her a home." Mal
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call the unexploded scotsman disposal squad!
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php
-try it out, I dare you
98% of teens have smoked pot, if you are one of the 2% that haven't, copy this into your signature
I'm so into Firefly, my butt glows in the dark.
NOTIFY: Y | REPLY | REPLY WITH QUOTE | PERMALINK | TOP | HOME
Whoops wrote, in part:
Quote:
SOLDIER #2: Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it together?
SOLDIER #1: No, they'd have to have it on a line.
SOLDIER #2: Well, simple! They'd just use a strand of creeper!
SOLDIER #1: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?
SOLDIER #2: Well, why not?
Sorry about it being long just love that bit just because of John Cleese mind
...which is oddly apropos, given some Browncoats' penchant for arguing the ins and outs (no overt Terry Pratchett reference intended) of gravity drives and terraforming...
And now for something... well... you know...
Man: (whistles a bit, then) Hello. I would like to buy a fish licence, please.
Postal Clerk: A what?
Man: A licence for my pet fish, Eric.
Postal Clerk: How did you know my name was Eric?
Man: No, no, no! My fish's name is Eric. Eric fish. He's an halibut.
Postal Clerk: What?
Man: He is an halibut.
Postal Clerk: You've got a pet halibut?
Man: Yes, I chose him out of thousands. I didn't like the others, they were all too flat.
Postal Clerk: You must be a loony.
Man: I am not a loony. Why should I be tarred with the epithet 'loony', merely because I have a pet halibut? I've heard tell that Sir Gerald Nabarro has a pet prawn called Simon - you wouldn't call him a loony! Furthermore Dawn Pathorpe, the lady showjumper, had a clam called Stafford, after the late chancellor. Alan Bullock has two pikes, both called Chris, and Marcel Proust had an 'addock! So if you're calling the author of 'A la recherche de temps perdu' a loony, I shall have to ask you to step outside!
Postal Clerk: All right, all right, all right. A licence?
Man: Yes!
Postal Clerk: For a fish.
Man: Yes!
Postal Clerk: You *are* a loony.
Man: Look, it's a bleeding pet, isn't it? I've got a licence for me pet dog Eric, I've got a licence for me pet cat Eric.
Postal Clerk: You don't need a licence for your cat.
Man: I bleedin' well do and I've got one! Can't be caught out there!
Postal Clerk: There is no such thing as a bloody Cat Licence.
Man: Yes, there is.
Postal Clerk: No there isn't.
Man: Is!
Postal Clerk: Isn't!
Man: I've bleedin' got one, look! What's that then?
Postal Clerk: This is a dog licence with the word 'dog' crossed out and 'cat' written in, in crayon.
Man: Man didn't have the right form.
Postal Clerk: What man?
Man: The man from the cat detector van.
Postal Clerk: The loony detector van, you mean.
Man: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest.
Postal Clerk: What cat detector van?
Man: The cat detector van from the Ministry of Housinge.
Postal Clerk: Housinge?
Man: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant. I never seen so many bleedin' aerials. The man said their equipment could pinpoint a purr at four hundred yards, and Eric being such a happy cat was a piece of cake.
Postal Clerk: How much did you pay for this?
Man: Sixty quid and eight for the fruit-bat.
Postal Clerk: What fruit-bat?
Man: Eric the fruit-bat.
Postal Clerk: Are all your pets called Eric?
Man: There's nothing so odd about that. Kemel Attaturk had an entire menagerie called Abdul.
Postal Clerk: No he didn't.
Man: Did!
Postal Clerk: Didn't!
Man: Did, did, did, did, did and did!
Postal Clerk: Oh all right.
Man: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a fish licence?
Postal Clerk: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one.
Man: In that case give me a bee licence.
Postal Clerk: A licence for your pet bee.
Man: Correct.
Postal Clerk: Called Eric? Eric the bee?
Man: No.
Postal Clerk: No?
Man: No, Eric the half bee. He had an accident.
Postal Clerk: You're off your chump.
Man: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not up to scratch, or even to deny the semi-existence of my little chum E
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This is only slightly related, but I found this clip of Peter Cook and John Cleese performing Interesting Facts on the "Secret Policeman's Ball" (charity performances for Amnesty International). It's always been a favourite:
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(Sorry, double post)
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Quote:
Originally posted by sahara:
You must spank us, every one!
Naughty, naughty Zoot!
And now, for something completely different...
Blackbird fly into the light of the dark, black night.
Poor Galahad - Lancelot must be gay!
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