Male and Female Imponderables, the Third
POSTED BY: Tristan
UPDATED: Thursday, May 18, 2006 01:06
VIEWED: 17787
PAGE 18 of 20
That would be a sad thought, though, FMF. I would love to meet all of you in person, share a pint, a shot, ice cream, vodka, whatever! I am looking forward to meeting some of y'all at D*C, and hopefully will run into some of you elsewhere!
Holding until you get back, Captain.
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Quote:
Originally posted by flautistfirst:
Raises hand quietly while sitting in the back row.
And I married him. Going on 18 years now. And it is still a mind-blowing wonderful experience.
And you all thought you were strange.
EDIT: Clearly, I don't know how to work my computer or how to post on this board. I was trying to respond to Emmarigby's question about the first time being a mindblowing wonderful experience. But my post is so far removed from the original I doubt anyone could understand it. When I tried to edit, it failed, so now I'm double posting with an explanation. Yeah me for spoiling the mood.
Carry on as if I never entered the thread.
There's no place I can be since I found serenity.
Ah that's sweet, and not at all what I first thought! I thought you were commenting on the later faking it discussion and concluded that if you could have the odd off night and still maintain a long and happy marriage there was hope for us all! Never mind!
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Quote:
Originally posted by flautistfirst:
Any complaining on this topic has never had to do with the quality issue with my guy. Quantity maybe, but not quality. Perhaps if quality were the issue, quantity (or lack there of) wouldn't be the issue.
I have to comment on this because I am having the same problem... Menfolk - any advice for the ladies on what to do if we want it more and it doesn't seem to happen naturally? Or ladies, anything that has worked for you?
My guy is great and we get along famously in this department, but lately it seems like more of an afterthought than a priority in the relationship. Mind you - when it happens, it's still great, and it's not terribly infrequent, but still I find myself yearning for a little more "gotta have it" sentiment from him, rather than the more typical "time for bed, let's do this". Anyone else?
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Something that from a male ideology might work: ambush. I love being ambushed. Walk in the door, and get dragged into either the bedroom (if we make it that far) or wherever we end up. I do not like planning out intimate encounters (do the laundry, clean the kitchen, make dinner, have sex, go to sleep...naw), but there are times when it almost has to be that way. To break monotony, try the ambush approach. I am going to assume that no male out there would complain too terribly about that (barring unforseen circumstances, of course), and would probaly get very enthusiastic.
Holding until you get back, Captain.
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The thing is - I've gone with the ambush a few times, but the problem is that I want to be the one ambushed for a change! I've tried to hint around it, but even after 3 YEARS he still seems too shy to just grab me and drag me into the bedroom. Or, dare I suggest it, some other room entirely!
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I would love to meet everyone! I wish I could get to all the SHINY conventions and shindigs!
But at least the very shy can be safe in the knowledge that we can't see them
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Hmm. I am that way, too, sometimes. It may just be me, but I do not want to force something my partner is not interested in. I am guilty of ambush; sometimes it's taken well, sometimes, not so much. Now, if I get the slightest hint that she may be interested, I move and move fast. If I do make a move, and it is not returned or acknowledged, I back away smiling.
Your complaint is one that I have had, as well. Most of the time, the male seems to be the instigator, and the female's reaction seems to be "Alright, alright, just get it over with". This is not something that happens to me nowadays, but it has in the past. There seems to be a societal leaning that the male HAS to be the agressor. This is just a generalization, mind you, and may not be as widespread as it used to be. (I have met several very liberated females in these past three threads!) Men like to be seduced/ambushed/moved on, too. It just seems like males do the majority of the instigating.
Disagreements?
Holding until you get back, Captain.
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Quote:
Something that from a male ideology might work: ambush. I love being ambushed. Walk in the door, and get dragged into either the bedroom (if we make it that far) or wherever we end up. I do not like planning out intimate encounters (do the laundry, clean the kitchen, make dinner, have sex, go to sleep...naw), but there are times when it almost has to be that way. To break monotony, try the ambush approach. I am going to assume that no male out there would complain too terribly about that (barring unforseen circumstances, of course), and would probaly get very enthusiastic
That is awesome Tristan - this is what I meant earlier about public gropings - not so much in the view of others, actually, not at all, that weirds me out - but just the ambushing thing.
More fun too-much-detail (I love the internet): I just got back from traveling, and went to fancy and exotic-ish restaurant in Tbilisi, which had a fabulous bathroom (which is very rare in Georgia) and I had a rather amusing idea that if I had a sweetie along, I might just yank him into the bathroom with me to make good use of the plushness of it...
Anyway, I've never been so forward in a relationship, not sure if a man would feel like he was being used by being so accosted, but that's silly. Most men would love that. No?
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I'm the president. I don't need to listen.
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You are very right that a lot of it has to do with societal norms and stereotypes. Maybe that is what makes me wish I were the ambush-ee a little more often. Although, it's true that I'm not *always* interested, but often enough that I don't think there's cause for him to feel like he's going to get shot down if he goes for it.
Like I said we've been together for long enough now that he's not totally self-conscious, but I feel like he's not entirely comfortable being the "aggressor" in the traditional sense. And I have never minded being the one to initiate sex but I guess the problem is I feel like if I don't, it just becomes routine. I know he enjoys it, but I don't know what else to do... or should I just get used to the fact that if I don't meet him at the door in a teddy, I have to wait until bedtime?
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