He hugged his knees, not wanting to see or hear or feel anything. He felt all guilty, and with good reason. Another nightmare. Just like the one he had had before, with Kaylee, on the bed, throat rent open by the knife he had held in his hand. But, before, he had been aroused by it, by the blood. Now, he was afraid. Afraid, because he could have done that. Could have killed her. In his madness, he could have destroyed the embodiment of all that he loved. And, he was afraid that he could do that again. Feel the liberating touch of madness. The freeing rage that had engulfed, so long ago. Or was it? Only a month since he had almost killed everyone on this ship. A month since he had gotten these scars.

And, that, and that only, was the reason that he had avoided Kaylee. He loved her too much to put her in that kind of danger. What if he suffered a relapse? He could go on a rampage. And they put mad dogs down. Stands to reason that Mal would do hat to him. For him. Hell, if he did, he would thank him from the other side, maybe put in a good word to the Big Guy, if he went that high up. But, he didn’t want to hurt Kaylee anymore than he already had.

“But, your hurting her more than you ever did, just by not seeing her.” River sat above him, staring at him. He could only expect it. Whenever he was miserable, she was there, giving support and, sometimes, guidance. Fortunately, he had had Kaylee to keep him from being miserable too often. Hell, even before he had started bedding her!

“You don’t understand.” He knew what he said was stupid. After all, River was the resident psychic, even if she was crazy. Okay, even though she was crazy.

River laughed. “Yes, the psychic who has never been wrong is not right now. Makes perfect sense. But,” and here she turned serious, “you are hurting Kaylee. By not talking to her. She’s afraid. Afraid that she has taken her place as the one you love.”

“Wait. Who…oh. Cassandra.” Well, least he got it witho