Well, this is certainly new. I'm sitting all alone- that hasn't happened for, ohh... let's see now, five years? Six? Eight? A Hundred?

Ah, fuck it, it's probably too long, anyway. Means I'll see her again all too soon- you think some people would stay dead, right? Eight, ten, twelve- two dozen, eight dozen, whoever I've ever known as than a name or face- a named face, if you will- they all had the means and the goodwill to stay dead- And, Hell, why not? They'd most likely not want to bother with me anyways- who would, after all?

Mal has Inara, Zoë gets back Wash, Jayne gets his whores and Book gets his God. Everybody wins- oh, but now me. I get the short straw and keep up the charade of actually living .

Sucks more to me, then.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no nonononononononononononononnonononononononono no no no, no, no, no, this don't seem right at all.

Kaylee- well, I'd guess she stays on Serenity, doesn't she? I mean- they blew it up with her in it! Don't see how she can be closer- they died together

Died in eachothers arms, as it were.

That day was very much like when I lost my mother all over again. Except, you know... worse. Like, multiply by one point oh five- you get to that point where you really can't feel more like a pile of shit the world stepped in then when your home and, very likely, the girl you love, are gone while you watch with your eyes wide and your jaw slack and your head aching and your blood running and your friends dieing and your sister screaming-

Sister.

Oh, fuck it all, she's back.

***

Some may ask when I became so violent- well, I ask you, why not?

Sometimes, you just can't take it, when life has spit in your face so many times that you're swimming in it. After all, there is a point in time when I went from being "Doctor" to "Militant Anarchist". When was it?

I dunno- probably sometime after Zoë died, but I could be wrong. Wait, did I say die? No, never say die- who said that?

She was killed. Weren't no 'Blaze of Glory', no 'Las