My wife dared to write something containing the line "Jane, you ignorant slut!", as Dan Aykroyd from "SNL" said way back when. So here we go.

I know Jayne knows who Saffrn/Bridget/Yolanda is, but I also figure drunk Jayne doesn't look too hard at their faces, if ya know what I mean.

*******

Jayne woke slowly, feeling a bit groggier than usual, which was odd. True, he had been drinking cheap whiskey the night before - was there any other kind? - but usually he was at least functional the next morning. But even worse than that, he couldn't remember his escapades with that lovely young lady he'd picked up in the bar and "escorted" back to Serenity. Damn. She'd been a looker, too.

Jayne rolled over and fluffed up his pillow. It took him a few seconds to notice that the blanket usually covering his weapon collection was in bed with him instead of hanging on the wall. In fact now that he looked closer, there seemed to be a lack of shiny on the gun racks...

**

"Gorramit!" Jayne's scream echoed through the ship as he tore his door open without even bothering to dress. "She stole 'em all! Betsy, Ellie, Susan! All my ladies!" His yelling degenerated into incoherent rage as he considered his loss.

"Jumpin' Buddha on a pogo stick, Jayne. Wanna pipe that down so the rest of us can get some sleep?" Mal climbed halfway out of his bunk; just enough so his head was visible through the hatch. He glowered at Jayne across the hallway. "What the hell are you on about? An' for the love of all that's holy, go put on some pants!"

Jayne's eyes were wide and his face was turning a fairly deep shade of red. "Hell with the pants! That chen wa robbed me, Mal! All my best girls is missin'!"

"Robbed?" That word got Mal's attention, and realization dawned. Good Lord, not this again. "Gorramit, Jayne. Did you bring a whore back to my ship? Again?"

"Well.....yeah."

"An' now you're missin' all your valuables? Again?"

"Yeah! All my good guns. Even Vera!"

Mal closed his eyes in resig