Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

New Beginnings: Part 2

Monday, January 23, 2006

Sequal to New Beginnings part 1. This story picks up right where the first left off and contains a new scene between Inara and Mal. Enjoy.

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2298    RATING: 8.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

Tweet

Author’s Note 1: These characters are not mine, but I’m borrowing them for a minute, thanks Joss! Oh, and Firefly isn’t mine either, but I’m still stealing it for a few minutes. Hope Joss forgives me.

Author’s Note 2: This takes place three months post-Serenity(the BDM) and picks up right afer the Part 1.Hope ya’ll enjoy this. Please give feedback.

Author’s Note 3: This is a PG-13 rated fic. Mostly for the Violence, Language, and some sexual content. Pairings involve…well, you’ll see.

**************************************************

New Beginnings: Part 2

**************************************************

Kaylee tried to scream, but a hand covered her mouth before she could even open it. She tried to break free, but was no match for the man holding her. Tears began streaming down her face and she could feel a syringe being pushed into her skin. Her vision blurred and she could no longer keep her balance. She fell to the floor, unconscious. The man slung her over his shoulder and took her to his ship, which was just behind Serenity.

***

“Kaylee,” said Simon as he woke a little dazed after what happened last night. “Baobei, are you out there?” He put on some boxers and opened his bedroom door. Kaylee wasn’t out there. He got dressed and went out to the hallway. No one was awake yet.

“Kaylee?”

Mal walked into the kitchen looking a little tired.

“Hey Doctor. Mornin’.”

“Have you seen Kaylee. I can’t find her.”

“Did you check the engine room. Sometimes she likes to tinker with the engine early in the mornin’.”

“I’ll go check there. Thanks.”

Mal grabbed a protein bar and headed for the cockpit. He sat down in his chair and saw a small blink flashing on the screen. Someone had left him a message.

“What the hell is this.” He played the message.

“Hello Captain Reynolds. My name is not of your concern or your top priority right now. You will find that today you have lost something. Something of extreme value to you and your cre

Comments
Monday, 23 January 2006 23:47
Ok... so I'm going for fair feedback. I know you're aiming for an afinity with these characters but your writing style is a little confused.
I think you might have been better writing in chapters if you wanted such a complex plot.
In trying to make it all fit within the piece it just felt rushed.
This phrasing isn't bad... “Come on Doc, shoot the bastard already or I will,” said Jayne as he took Vera from Zoë. but the following comment about closure didn't fit. Similarly I have difficulty imagining the hardened soldier Zoe just happily picking a direction.
Be careful of over using phrases from the series and film. 'Captainy stuff' and 'big damn hero's' felt more like 'excuses' to end scenes than furtherence of character/plot.
I know this sounds a bit negative but I think this really could be better.
Summary... a less complex plot or splitting a story into chapters would help you to develop characters more.
Hope this helps.

Taya
Monday, 23 January 2006 23:48
Hey what do you know... first feedback!
ANONYMOUS
Sunday, 29 January 2006 07:12
I'm a reader not a writer,loved it,keep it up.

Post Your Comments

You must log in to post comments.