Blue Sun Room FICTION - GENERAL

New Beginnings

Monday, January 9, 2006

Hey ya'll. This is my first fanfic ever. Please leave feedback. It's set 3 months post Serenity and mostly PG-13ish for some violence and some sexual content(I sound like a movie rating). If it's good, I'll write another, but if ya'll deem it horrible, I'll stop writing. Please enjoy it, thank you.~Omelet

CATEGORY: FICTION    TIMES READ: 2336    RATING: 8.0 (PG13)    SERIES: FIREFLY

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Author’s Note 1: These characters are not mine,

but I’m borrowing them for a minute, thanks Joss. Oh, and Firefly isn’t mine either, but I’m still stealing it for a few minutes. Hope Joss forgives me.

Author’s Note 2: This takes place three months post-Serenity, the BDM.Hope ya’ll enjoy this. Please give feedback. I apprecciate it very much. Enjoy!

Author’s Note 3: This is a PG-13 rated fic. Mostly for the Violence,Language, and some sexual content. Pairingsinvolve…well, you’ll see.

New Beginnings

Mal was carrying a plate with two sandwiches in one hand and two water bottles in the other. He left the kitchen and started walking down the hall towards the cockpit of Serenity. “Captain!” Mal turned around to see Zoë standing in the hall. “Yes,” he replied. “Everything is loaded and Kaylee’s back on board with some new engine parts and tools to fix the mule.” “That settles that problem.” “We have to leave within the hour if we want to make the appointment with our new client.” “We’re leavin' as soon as I have my lunch Zoë. A hungry Captain ain’t a happy Captain.” “And no one likes it when you’re grumpy sir,” she replied as she headed toward the cargo bay. Mal started walking down the hall again. “Mal, we got a problem, a big one,” said Jayne as he walked over to Mal. “What is it now Jayne,” he replied to the mercenary. “I can’t find Vera anywhere. I looked everywhere and I even asked that crazy moonbrained sister of the Doc’s. Someone stole my gorram gun Mal!” “You didn’t leave it in your bed this time did ya,” replied Mal. “I…” Jayne paused for a minute and thought about what Mal said. “I gotta go check my bed.” Mal just shook his head in disbelief. Finally I’ll get to eat my gorram sandwich now in peace and quiet, Mal thought to himself. He continued walking down the hall and entered the cockpit. “You hungry little albatross,” he said. The chair on the left side of the room turned around revealing a young girl facing him. “You bet,” she replied. “Here ya go, River.” “Thanks C

Comments
ANONYMOUS
Monday, 09 January 2006 02:27
can you please divide the dialogue in the paragraphs to new lines for each bit of dialogue? Big bulks of text are hard to read and even though I'm a mad Simon/Kaylee shippers, I didn't even manage to read half of it, my eyes hurt too much because of the bulks.... :(
ANONYMOUS
Monday, 09 January 2006 02:30
Sorry. It's my first. I'll try it. Thank you for letting me know.
Monday, 09 January 2006 02:32
The only suggestion on the first read was that you need to break up the dialogue into separate paragraphs. It was very confusing trying to figure out who was saying what.

Good feel to the overall story but felt like there was something missing.
Also felt like the Captain and Inara fell into each other rather suddenly with no real interaction going on before hand.

Their relationship has been rather complex and twisted and in your story it just "happened" easily and didn't feel true to the series or movie.
ANONYMOUS
Monday, 09 January 2006 02:38
all and all good, but have to agree with the others. Need to break up the dialogue more. At times it was hard to tell who was speaking with out stoping to reread parts. But keep going, only way to get better as they say is practice.
Monday, 09 January 2006 02:41
Thanks for the help everyone. I'm sorry I didn't break it up. I'll try again and make it better next time.
Monday, 09 January 2006 12:16
Hey Omelet good first try. You had an interesting story here. Love to read your next one when it appears.
Monday, 09 January 2006 17:30
A good story but such big blocks of text make it hard to read and put people off. Loved the way you wrote Kaylee especially. Ali D :~)
You can't take the sky from me
Monday, 09 January 2006 19:25
Good!! Please write more, your a good writer!
ANONYMOUS
Monday, 09 January 2006 19:57
OH MY GOD IT'S HORRIBLE! ...oh and there's a fic over here too, very nice, very nicely done.
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 00:23
I'm trying again this time with less bulk. Thank you all for your kind words. I nearly had a heart attack reading Anonymous(81.7.147.193)'s response until I finished the rest of it. I'll see if I can get it right this time.
ANONYMOUS
Tuesday, 10 January 2006 06:31
great, it actually seemed like a logical course in the plot after serenity, like the first episode of a second series, keep it up, the characters, dialogue, personalities, and even style that was set forth by Joss Whedon was really well emulated, felt like he could of been the one writing it, I love it
LUCHES
Thursday, 12 January 2006 04:04
damn, sorry, I forgot to log in that last one wa s me

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