Tons of dialogue in here, since any card game involving Jayne and Mal is gonna be chock full of insults.

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"Now, Mal, you know I'm the best poker player we got out here. I done cleaned out the bank at New Reno that one time, iff'n you recall."

"You ROBBED the bank, Jayne. There's a slight difference, I'm thinkin'." Mal poured them both another drink. They'd been at it for a while now, and the galley was starting to look fuzzy around the edges. Might soon be time to head off to bed, but it wasn't getting worrisome quite yet.

Jayne slammed his shot before answering. "Aw, hell. I can still beat anybody on this boat at cards, an' you know it. You, Zoe, even the gorram mind readin' witch. Nothin' gets past a Cobb." Jayne was a two-stage drunk: at first he was snuggly and companionable, but he soon got past that and became obnoxious and grabby - well, more obnoxious and grabby than usual, anyway. The last time he got to stage two, Zoe had to lock him in the storage closet so he'd stop bothering Inara. He looked well on his way to a repeat performance tonight.

Mal was saved from having to retort, as River's psychic powers apparently extended to picking up on drunken challenges. She swooped in from the cargo bay stairs, squinting at Jayne appraisingly. "There are millions of permutations in a 52 card deck, each with varying probabilities." She sighed at him, obviously sympathetic. "You simply don't possess the mental capacity for counting cards, Jayne."

Mal snickered behind his hand and threw back another shot. "Right creepifyin' on the timing there, albatross. But I do believe you have a point."

"You callin' me stupid, girl? Gorramit, we'll prove this right here!" Jayne reached for his pocket. Mal's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no! You keep them pants buttoned up proper, Jayne Cobb!," Mal roared, flinging an accusing finger at him. Like hell Mal was gonna fall for that "just gettin' a deck o' cards" trick again. Couldn't sleep right for a week after that last time.