A/N: I have found that I truly enjoy getting Simon plastered and putting him into incredibly embarassing situations. I also have a weakness for Kaylee getting her man, so hey, it works out.

This one was inspired by me waking up this morning with a cold and a Nyquil induced hangover, so Simon's initial thoughts are pretty true-to-life. The remainder is, as always, that special Firefly brand of absurdity.

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Simon was pretty sure his head was going to explode - no, it had exploded, and he was feeling the jagged bits poking his brain. He was also sure that durig the night, someone - probably River - had snuck into his bunk and stuffed a whole handful of cotton balls into his mouth. Further, someone had obviously rewired the lights in his room with much brighter bulbs. He was still trying to build a righteous anger towards his assailants when his sluggish brain reported another interesting piece of information.

There was someone else in the room. Specifically, that someone was laying right on top of him.

Well, of course it had to be River. She probably had a nightmare and wanted to be close to her big brother. Simon smiled to himself, the thought of being his sister's refuge sparking manly and protective thoughts. He slowly brought up his left hand to rub her shoulder. Funny. He didn't recall River owning clothing that felt this smooth. He managed to crack one eyelid to check on where she might have gotten the clothes and if it was decent. The first thing he saw was brown hair. Not black.

Huh.

At this point, despite the haze, he started putting together several alarming facts. The person definitely wasn't his sister. She was wearing a fairly revealing nightie. And in the night, Simon's right hand had wandered down and had a firm grip on her backside. This was definitely unusual. Suddenly suspicious, Simon lifted the covers slightly and looked at himself.

Yep. Nothing. Not even pyjamas.

The movement of the blanket awoke his sleeping partner. "Mornin', sunshine,"