Rinnypj had this plot bunny. Part of the plot bunny was me writing it... :p She wrote River's words though. :)

Wash had been faced with a lot of difficult decisions in his life. Plenty of them. Some of them small but important, some huge, some life changing, some death defying. He had flown Serenity in places he shouldn’t, made her do things she couldn’t. He did everything in his power to ensure their survival.

Part of him realized Mal was trying to do the same. The rest of him just wanted to grab Zoë and run like hell.

Only Zoë would never leave Mal.

This was a simple fact he’d come to live with over the years. Not as ungrudgingly as he’d like. He wanted for Zoë’s sake not to care so much about her attachment to another man, but he never could quite come to terms with it. He considered himself lucky she understood it and put up with him. But even though he’d seen her face the captain down, question him in front of everyone, he still knew she wouldn’t abandon him.

Which, he thought as he dug into Serenity’s metal hide, tearing her open in a way that felt like a deep betrayal of everything he believed, meant he got to do his job. He got to fly this ship through with all his skill to make sure Zoë came out the other side of this insanity.

“Sorry, bao bei,” Wash said smoothing his hand on the hull, “I promise to fix it up as good as new when all this is over.”

“Not you,” River said, startling Wash so that he dropped his tool and it skittered down Serenity’s side to land with a thump on the ground. He looked up to see her balancing like some ethereal being on the top of the ship.

“What are you doing, River? You should get down, this isn’t a safe place to play.” He said looking down at what he had been doing. “I’ve torn up the hull, you could cut your feet.”

"Not you," she repeated, drifting into a standstill as she gazed at him, her dark eyes penetrating. Only her hair and dress fluttered in the breeze. "Don't want it to be you."

Wash frowned. “You don’t want me to fix up the s