I apologize for this one, folks. I originally set out to make this an opening scene to something larger, but couldn't get the plot up and running. I always liked the "banter" scenes between the crew (like the beginning of "Out Of Gas"), and so tried to write one. I decided to leave out any descriptive text for two reasons:

1) to see if I could make it clear enough who was talking when, as a personal challenge

2) it interrupted the flow of the banter to leave narrative text

If it's too confusing, please leave me feedback, and I can repost in "script" format with indications of who is speaking.

Thank you for indulging my neurosis.

*****

"All crew members: dinner will begin at 6PM this evening, ship's time. Please be prompt and dress nicely."

"Feast? There's a feast I gotta dress up for? How dressy we talkin', River?"

"For you, Captain, no guns. Zoe, no guns for you either, and Wash has requested something with slink. Wash, Hawaiian shirts are acceptable, but please have Zoe pick one that is aesthetically pleasing. Jayne, also no guns, and you must wear pants. Simon, your usual clothes are fine, but you'll have to find the shirt Kaylee stole from your laundry. Kaylee, Simon likes that little flowered dress you have. Inara and Shepherd already know how to dress properly."

"That's quite a list, little one. What are you up to?"

"Inara and albatross are cooking tonight, and we insist that everyone must dress up and bring a date. It's a festive day."

"What? A date? Who should I bring?"

"Whoever you want - but it must be someone from onboard. No whores from town. The men must find their dates by asking the women over the comm. You first, Captain."

"Over an open comm? Why?"

"So everyone is aware of the pairings. If left up to her, albatross will assign you to Jayne."

"Oh, hell no! I ain't goin' anywhere with Mal as my date! I'd rather bring Vera."

"Your intended seems reluctant, Captain."

"Only 'cause he ain't drunk yet. I have it on good authority I lo