Well, I got inspired. We learn the fate of Jayne's pants. We learn the fate of Simon's plan. Kaylee learns something somewhat disturbin'.

Oh, and a special note to ItsaWash: the last line was written especially for your slashy little heart. Enjoy.

*****

"Sorry, Doc! Looks like yer a casualty of war!"

"Sweet Jesus, Jayne! What happened to 'leave no man behind'? I'm stuck!" Simon tried not to panic. The plan was already unravelling, and they hadn't even 'breached the perimeter', as Jayne had put it. Simon's plan for 'breachin' of the permimeter' had involved walking through the door and asking to see the manager, while maybe taking a look in the lost and found. Jayne had vetoed this plan based on lack of panache - although he used the term "borin' as all hell" - and suggested a slightly more theatrical entrance.

As a result, Simon now found himself suspended upside down, twenty feet above the alley alongside the bar. The new and improved plan, which met with the Jayne Cobb seal of approval, involved sneaking onto the roof, kicking in a vent - or making a vent if one was not available - and having Jayne rapel down into the room while Simon anchored him from above. The plan had met with a snag roughly seven seconds in, when Jayne failed to tie the correct knot in their rope while scaling the building. The rope had slipped, tangled, and left Simon impersonating a trout on a fishing line. Even worse, Jayne was now hovering over him from the roof, and Simon's already too intimate view of Jayne's underpants had not been improved in the slightest.

"Just hang in there, boy. I'll be back with yer drawers and we'll get you up." Jayne waved at Simon and disappeared from view.

"Well, isn't this grand. I really am a criminal mastermind," Simon muttered. "At least the big ape hasn't started using grenades." On cue, an explosion sounded from within the building, shaking the windows and stirring some dust into Simon's face. He closed his eyes. "Oh, ruttin' hell."

**

Mal Reynolds h