Insert regular disclaimers. Again.

I really did try to write slash, but I just can't do it. I start laughing too hard. But, in the interests of pandering to my audience, I guarantee a suggestive surprise in part 3.

So I decided to make this a three parter, mainly because I needed to get the rest of the crew in on the action.

I know Simon and Jayne's little talk seems kinda random, but remember: hung over and half naked. It would confuse anybody.

Let's call this one PG-13 for the mention of "boobs".

*****

"OK, Doc, make ya a deal." Jayne and Simon were walking through the dusty street, trying to find their way back to Serenity. So far they had made two wrong turns, hit a dead end, and been accosted by an overly enthusiastic prostitute. This trip could take a while.

"Hmmm?"

"Since we're lettin' it all hang out, in a manner of speakin', what say we trade a bit o' personal info?" Jayne was really grasping for conversation starters, but he was desparate. If walking with a man in his undies was awkward, then walking with a man in his undies in complete silence was worse.

Simon just shrugged. "Sure. But no more about birthmarks."

"Ok, then. Lay it out for me. What'd you say to Kaylee last night? She don't ever tear 'round the ship lookin' to brain a person. Well, 'cept that one time I got drunk and grabbed her boobs." Jayne didn't stop to think that telling Simon he got drunk and felt up his girlfriend wasn't the best way to start off the questions.

Luckily, Simon didn't notice. The doctor was too busy staring straight ahead - he knew catching even a glimpse of those teddy bears would send him into laughter from which he might never recover. "Well, it's....kind of embarassing."

"Never woulda guessed." Simon gave him a dirty look. "Just screwin' with ya. Come on. Spill it."

"I....I told her her butt looks good in the overalls she was wearing." Simon blushed, obviously ashamed of even admitting to such thoughts.

Jayne's eyebrows shot up. He couldn't fault t