River stared at the ceiling, feeling the buzz of this ship around her. It was stronger when the ship was quiet. It felt like hunger. That’s how she would have explained it if anyone had asked her. It was easier to ignore while she was doing something else, but when she was alone at night, it all came up in her head, gnawing at the corners of her brain. Making it hard to think her own thoughts and feel her own feelings.

Hard to ignore, then.

She was getting to where she could match feelings with people. It was hard when she had first gotten on the ship, but now she had gotten to know the shapes of everyone’s minds. No, “shapes” was the wrong word. But they weren’t colors, either. Or tastes. Sounds. But they were that, too.

Inara’s thoughts were soft. Rounded. A deep, rich red that smelled like heady incense and tasted like honey. River liked her thoughts. They felt warm. Right now she was trying to sleep. Trying not to think of where she should be or what she should do. Trying not to think about the Captain, who was trying not to think about her.

His thoughts were colder than Inara’s. They were brown and dusty and smelled like smoke. They tasted almost bitter. Earthy. Sustaining.

River didn’t like to stay on Zoe’s thoughts very long. She tried to push them aside. They’d lost their flavor since Wash never came back. They’d lost that hint of green. That smell of hay. They were gray, now. Quiet. She was sitting in a chair in the bunk they used to share. She refused to sleep in the bed without him. She refused to sleep.

River missed him. She missed what he had made Zoe.

River missed Zoe, too.

And she missed Shepherd Book. There were still pieces of him around the ship. He’d had a bigger influence on the Captain than he would probably ever admit. She missed his thoughts. Brown, like Mal’s. But darker. Richer. More complete. They sounded like music and poetry. There were dark corners. Locked corners that even River never caught a glimpse of.

Kaylee